last year my boyfriend made stupid decisions and did some stupid things. I knew about these before dating him, and in doing so I knew what I could be getting myself into. However, he's clean now, and he's so respectful and sweet, and nice to me. My mom just found out about his past: sex, drugs, blah blah lah. She doesnt know we're dating, and she's forbidden me to. what do i do?I know what I'm doing, and he knows my boundaries and morals and has never tried to push them. It bothers me that she thinks im a naive 13 year old or something. I like him so much, i want to say i love him. ill do anything to make 'us' work
2007-02-10 14:50:12 · 12 answers · asked by Ericka 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
First off, you're very articulate for a 13 year old! That being said, honey, you're 13! But, nevertheless, I've been there. My boyfriend wasn't the best of guys, with a shady appearance, two years older than me (I was 16, he was 18), with lots of sexual/drug experience than I ever had. Being that I had just gotten out a rotten relationship, and back into one with a guy who was way more experienced then I was, my mom FREAKED.
She and I argued long into the night about my new boyfriend, and how she practically disowned me for my decisions. It took A LOT of persuasion on my part, and A LOT of a**-kissing on his part to get onto my mom's good side, but here we are, 3 years later, and my mom loves him like a son.
If your boyfriend has cleaned himself up, and is truly making the effort to make something of himself, I think you should stick by his side. Why don't you try to have him meet mom? She may be unwilling at first, but explain to her that it's important that she gains your trust. Tell her that you're willing to compromise with her: Maybe you could invite him over for a movie, with mom and dad in the house cooking dinner?
Spend time together, you, him, and your family, to show that you're sticking to your guns. Maybe, with a level of maturity, your mother will understand that your gut feeling is right. I do understand, to some level, where your mother is coming from. 'Mother's know best,' sometimes can be the best know intuition out there, but I still know that I made the best decision of my life.
Good luck, honey.
2007-02-10 15:04:13 · answer #1 · answered by Kittiness 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I just want to give you hope. I have been married to my husband for 8 years, we dated in high school and my parents hated him. I have to accept that they will not be a part of my life in some degree, due to this. However, I am happy and have 3 kids with my husband. We have to rely on each other because of the broken bond with parents, so if you think he is worth it don't let anyone stand in your way. Hopefully you are of age and if not be careful and safe.
2007-02-10 14:58:11 · answer #2 · answered by mamaburns5 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Not fair, u have such love and devotion for him but your mom dosen't, Your mom just wants to protect her "baby" and the only thing you can do is...
1. Intoduce him to your mom
2. talk to her calmly about school and slowly talk into boyfriends than him and tell all the good things about him and how he's changed
3. Come Clean so suddenly
4. Somthing i wouldnt do- keep quiet
5. tell him things wont work out!
2007-02-10 14:58:49 · answer #3 · answered by all about me!!! 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My girlfriend's mom likes me, but doesn't like the fact that we "used" to go out. We're still together and been together for 6 months. She likes me because I'm sweet, and kind, and everything that a good boy has, but she's just looking for her daughter you know. Then my girlfriend told her mom how she loves me and her mother is now accepting that fact that we used to go out and she's okay with it. Just talk to your mom and tell her how you feel about him
2007-02-10 14:54:44 · answer #4 · answered by Ngoc V 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Ha ha, I'm actually in the same position pretty much, expat I'm in the boyfriends shoes, and its the dad not the mom. I think the best thing for it is to give it some time, she wont warm up to him right from the get go. you just need to prove to her that he is clean and respectfull and treats you so well.you have to make her see what you see.
2007-02-10 15:06:27 · answer #5 · answered by undoredo 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
oh thats tough i went through the same situation so i'd say have your guy over to hang out at the house when your moms around and let them get to know each other if she refuses tell her that your growing up and you want to make your own mistakes but you want her to be apart of your life but remember she does have a mothers instinct and could be right about this guy mine was
2007-02-10 14:56:30 · answer #6 · answered by jinx 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Maybe if you have a plan of what you will do if he goes back to his previous behaviors, and especially educate yourself about drugs (you probably are), and tell your mom what he is doing to improve his life (was he in treatment, does he see a counsellor, is he in a 12 step program), maybe she will be more receptive. She has a lot of life experience, and wants to protect you, at least listen to her reasons, and think about what she says.
2007-02-10 15:00:34 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Find a way to prove to her that he HAS changed. It might take awhile and some planning but it'll make her trust him over time. Then after awhile u can tell her that u guys are goin out!
2007-02-10 15:02:03 · answer #8 · answered by ? 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Do you think you are better informed than you mom? Hey, at 13 you are just beginning friendly relationships & shouldn't be sneaking out with a looser. . .
2007-02-10 14:55:30 · answer #9 · answered by Jim W 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
if u'll do anything then dont listen to ur mom....no one knows him as well as u do....my mom told me i cudnt b wit ma bf but look at us now...we have been together for 1 yr and 2 months and i have never felt diz great.....dont let anyone tell u wut 2 do....good luck!
2007-02-10 14:54:41 · answer #10 · answered by annawuvzchris 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋