Marriage question for Muslims from a Muslimah.?

Question

My husband and I both work. I am happy with this, and am more than happy to contribute to our finances and towards our future. But I am not my husbands only wife. His other wife does not work and does not contribute anything. She is not even in this country, but we are responsible for her bills. She has 2 kids by my husband and they are both in school. She says she cannot work becasue of the kids, but they are in school for 8 hours a day and she sits at home when they are there. All of the money my husband and I do not spend on bills goes to her, so we are not able to save money towards our future. I have spoken to my husband about this, but when he speaks with her, she says it is her only job as a Muslim woman to stay home and raise the kids. I am a Muslim woman and I work along side my husband with no problems. I cannot even have a child because we have no money since she takes it all. We send her my whole paycheck every month.

My question is, who is right in this situation?

Is it her job to stay at home?

I am not saying I do not want to work, but I feel taken advantage of since I am doing the work and she is living a better life than I am.

I haven't bought new clothes in almost 1 year and she goes to the mall every weekend.

I take pride in my work and I know it makes my husbands life easier because he works hard enough. I cannot imagine how he would have to work to make ends meet if I wasn't contributing.

She is not in Saudi Arabia. She lives with my mother in law (rent free). My sister in law owns a womens clothing store, where my co wife shops, but does not work. I mentioned this option to my husband as well, but co wife will not hear of it.

Answer 1

That's what happens when you share a man.

Answer 2

Assalamu alaikum wr wb Sister.

Congratulations for taking a bold step of sharing your husband with another Muslimah. Indeed it will give you a reward in the hereafter.

Coming to your question.

Rule#1

It is the RIGHT of the Muslim woman to STAY in the home and NOT work EVEN if she is faced by financial worries, AS ALL the FINANCIAL BURDEN is ON her HUSBAND and she is NOT entitled to work if SHE does NOT want to.

Thats Islam as plain as that. ALLAH has made life for Muslim women easy and trouble free. So if your husband's second wife refuses to work, its her right.

I understand that you share your husband's burden and you even send your hard-earned money for her. Masha-ALLAH you are earning tons of 'Ajr' and 'Sawab' which will be repaid back to you in the 'Aakhirah' (hereafter).

Remember, ALLAH has made the system of this world as that ONLY 1 or few members of the family WORK and the rest derive sustenance out of it.

You share the burden thats very good but may be ALLAH has given you the job because you are spending on her. Thats a reality, i know many people who were supporting some poor relatives of their own and when they stopped spending on them, they lost their own job.

So at times may be ALLAH is giving you the 'Rizq' BECAUSE you are SUPPORTING her.

You can talk to her of working in your mother-in-laws shop, that can be a very safe option for her. But even if she refuses, dont get disheartened because you are doing all this for the sake of ALLAH, and your reward will NOT be cancelled.

And remember, ALLAH does NOT puts burden on HIS slave more than what HE can bear. (Quran- Surah Al Baqarah)

May ALLAH help you.

Answer 3

You are right. if your husband does not ask his other wife to work he should give you the choice also. and if you choose to work, use that money for your own futures. If he wishes to send his portions to her, that is fine but in islam you must take care of all your wives equally that is very very important. make your husband agree to this--the situation is completely unfair to you.

Answer 4

There is no right answer here. I approve of your efforts to help support the family, and it is my opinion that the other wife should do so also. But it may be difficult, depending on where she is; if she is in Saudi Arabia, for example, it is nearly impossible. I regret that I cannot be more help.

Answer 5

Izzie, if you didn't know about this situation when you married your husband, then you should leave him. If you did know, then you will have to honor your committment.

Multiple wives (and I supposed multiple husbands, if anyone anywhere does that) are always going to cause situations where one wife gets treated better than another, one thinks she is being treated worse than another.

Answer 6

It sounds like your virtues are being used by two other people who have no interest in reciprocating the favor to you.

There is no balance in this picture.

This is also not fair to the wife in another country who is seperated from her husband. Children need their fathers, not just their money.

Answer 7

Your husband is responsible to send them money, not you. There is no harm if don't send them money from your paycheck.
You need to save money, maybe to raise your children in the future, or maybe to go to Mecca for hajj.

 

Answer 8

Seems plain that they are the married couple, and you're just being kept and used as as a cash cow. Did you get your "husband" a green card?

Answer 9

Your muslim husband has multiple wives? That's called a "pimp" over here in America. Pimp on brother, pimp on. ....Why exactly did you marry a man who is married to somone else? How stupid can one be??? Were you drunk???