My 4 year old son is attached to this girl that is nothing more to me than sex?

Question

Ive been "seeing" this girl for four months now. Were not dating, were just hooking up alot. I have a four year old son, hes mom left us right after he was born. This girl know that were not or never will be more than what we are now and were both ok with that. Well lately my son has been asking for her all the time. Shes so nice to him and she really cares about him alot, i honestly think she even loves him. Everything was fine until 3 days ago when he called her mommy, right away he corrected himself and said i mean ashley but its scaring me, hes so attached to her and i know its not going anywhere. Please tell me what you think i should do about this.

Answer 1

Thats why you shouldnt bring "relationships" around your children unless you think they are going somewhere. As a parent you have to start thinking like that. KIds dont know what a booty call is

Answer 2

Your child has already become attached to this girl and the thing to do (if you don't want to be in a relationship with her) is to break if off, explain it to your son that she had to go somewhere else and won't come back again, let him have his emotional detachment, and let it go. Your first mistake is bringing the woman around your son in the first place when you KNEW you did not want her to be a mother to him. She could have come to see you AFTER your son was in bed or you could have seen the woman at her home and left your son out of the set up entirely. Also, you've seen her too long for your son NOT to become attached. If you're not involved in a "relationship" with a person it doesn't last 4 months! If you allow women around your child you can expect him to want to be mothered. It's what's missing in his life. I don't imagine you want to keep hurting him so you need to put your social life in a different standing and make his needs your priority from now on. Go out, don't bring your dates in. Have your relations short term maybe once or twice and end it since you don't want a one on one involvement.
Your son need never be exposed to anyone that you see from now on unless she is to be your set girlfriend and then wife.

Answer 3

You sound like me I have a 4 year old to the mother left 2 weeks after he was born and my kid got attached to a woman that i was seeing for the same reason but i got lucky because her name was Lana sounds like mama I did have to tell him a few times Lana not mama . After awhile we did stop seeing each other and my son didn't think a thing about it she didn't live here anyway . Being that your raising your son your the only person hes really going to miss . I wouldn't do anything about it just tell him her name and let it go. Kids know who really takes care of them even at that age. The more you drill it into his head the more hes going to think about it.

Try introducing him to other woman also that way he knows there just people and not parents

I cant believe all these woman on here telling you not to bring woman around what do they wont you to do hide your kid .

All the single woman I know bring guys around all the time its not like your having sex in front of the kid dirty minded woman if you ask me.

The problem is today woman can and man cant you all think your men turning into lesbians telling men what to do that's why your all leaving your kids .

I think the guys doing a great job go screw all the woman you wont why not the woman are.

Answer 4

You've already made the worst mistake of bringing the bootycall home. I'm sure you won't make that mistake again.

What you need now is advice on how to fix this situation without making your son think that every woman he cares about is going to abandon him -- and this is going to be difficult. Here are a couple of thoughts:

Invite several groups of friends over in the coming months, both male and female (none of whom you are romantically or physically involved with). Let your son see that you and he have a lot of friends of both sexes that he can count on to be there for him and who are loving toward him. Make plans with these friends that involve really fun and exciting things for four-year-olds. This way, he will make some memories that you and he can talk about when the two of you are on your own. Soon you will find that he will start asking to see these friends more frequently than your bootycall. As for her, phase her out of interacting with him while these other social gatherings are occurring, so that his focus shifts toward the fun and away from the attachment to her.

Once this happens, dump her and move on to a different bootycall -- one who is happy to entertain you at her place only. Remember, your kid comes first.

I really hope this works for you.

Answer 5

Your son needs to be considered in all of this, but you also have to be happy. If your 'easy relationship' is not physically dangering your son, you can help him deal with the psychological issues. Truth is a great thing with children. You can tell him the truth, but you don't have to tell him everything. He can know that Ashley is a very good friend of yours and his but she is not his mum. Bring Ashley in on this too. She can talk to him about being his friend and the things friends do.It's ok, kids are resilient. He may miss her if she goes, but then he can make a new friend. If you are happy with your life, he will be happier. Just talk to him. Don't use too many words and make it from the heart.He loves you and trusts you no matter what.

Answer 6

In all honesty my friend, once you have children they come first. If you know this girl is going nowhere, then don't bring her around your son anymore or break the relationship off. Next time, wait until you know you want to stay with someone or you are at least trying for something more than a fling before you expose a young child to the kind of confusion he's going to have. Its all about him now, and his mental well being should be your top priority.

Answer 7

it is the reason you need to keep your "lovelife" separate out of your newborn till you experience positive & waiting that the guy you're with will percentage on your son's existence to boot. this kind you gained't ought to flow through circumstances like this. children at this age are very in probability of many stuff and we must be very careful what & who we invite into our lives. i'm a unmarried mom of a 2 3 hundred and sixty 5 days previous & in the present day I even do not have any want of wanting a pal of any kinds yet i'm particular many, many eons from now that would substitute. And at the same time as it does my son gained't meet this individual till i understand it is going to likely be a concrete relationship that would ultimately finally end up in marriage. I already made one mistake falling in love w/ an fool (his father) so i can not bypass for round 2. At this aspect your son is for sure connected. 4 3 hundred and sixty 5 days olds are a lot smarter than we supply them credit. sit with him first & clarify the problem, this variety of friendship you've (properly, w/o the fairly information). enable your son to voice his reviews, to percentage his suggestions & emotions and it may workout after all and end bringing her close to him till you're extreme about her! keep in suggestions, in the present day that is about HIS existence! solid success & maximum ideal needs.

Answer 8

This is my honest O... I think that since he is so attached to her that you should not cut her out of his life. You def. need to talk to her. Explain to her that when this ends that you two will need to be able to remain friends long enough for your son to get use to now seeing her as often. If this is not an option for the two of you, then I would start cutting back the time that he spends with her now. Then when it does end it is not a problem for him at all.

Answer 9

You need to stop seeing her. You also have to do it gradually. Invite other friends over of both sexes including her on occasion then slowly drop her out of the picture. Talk to him in simple terms like she had to go away that kind of thing and then not include her. Do not feel like you should hide your child but this is the consequence of putting yourself first instead of your child. He is looking to her a mother figure since as you stated his mother is not in the picture.
Take this as a lesson, only bring a woman around your son who will be in his life for the long haul. As young as he is, he will feel abandoned by the "booty call" if you do the break too quickly but he will get over it in time but will not forget.
Take it from me, been there, done that as a child. I did not forget.
Luckily someone else entered my mother's life and was permanent so I did not have abandonment and attachment issues.
You need to put him first especially in a case such as this one.

Answer 10

First of all I think you should rethink intorducing your son to the women in your life unless you intend to make them a part of your life. Unless you want him to grow up thinking that it is ok to have mulitpul women in his life at one time. Kids tend to attach thenselves the people in their parents lives.. Remember that you are the one who has to teach him how to treat people. And how to be a good man, husband, and father. As for how to handle this I'm not sure I know exactly. But I would try to explane to him that this woman is just a friend and while she has been spending a lot of time with you lately she has other friends and she likes to be with them too. Some day this fling of yours will end and eventully there will be someone else and I'm sure he will like her too. Just be careful who you bring into his life. If you don't intend for her to be IN his life and you don't want him to attach to her for what ever reason, then my advice is to keep them away from him untill you know if you wnat to keep them around.

Answer 11

stop hooking up with her and remain friends so your son won't get hurt. In the future be more careful with who you let your son meet and you'll avoid situations like this. I was a single mom, but I was also very picky with whom I brought home. I didn't want my Son to become attached to someone who might not be hanging around.