How do I get my lazy 9 yr old daughter to help with the household chores?

Question

She whines, cries, complains and never helps me out. I take away her allowance and priviledges and that doesn't seem to work. Please help

Answer 1

Im a firm believer in beatings

Answer 2

Instead of only giving her negativety when she doesn't co-operate, try giving her positive reinforcement.
On those "Nanny" shows you see the families out up chore boards, & the kids get small rewards when they complete their chores for the week.
I suggest you set up a chore board with specific chores that she can complete. It will show her what is expected of her. Sure she will be expected to do these things by a certain time, but try to leave her to decide when she can do them on her own without you asking her every 5 minutes. Then when she does do a chore, lay on the praise heavy enough that she feels good about what she did.
Set up a specific consequences if she doesn't complete the chores as reasonably expected,& be sure to follow through with it.
Don't even react when she whines cries, & complains. Just be cool, & tell her what is expected of her ONCE, & walk away.
Obviously she has learned that there is some kind of pay-off for whining instead of doing what is asked of her, & some of that may be that she can hold your attention at her will.

Good Luck!

Answer 3

You take away allowance and priviledges. How about dinner?

I'd set some reasonable expectations for her (making bed, keeping room in order...she can learn to change the oil when she's in her teens.). When 5:30 PM rolls around and she asks, "What's for dinner?", you respond "Have you done your chores yet?" She can throw her little fit, but don't give it any attention. Just calmly respond, "When you've done the chores, you can have dinner." She might wind up going to bed hungry a night or two, but she'll get the point eventually.

As some people have noted, though, it's important to put positive components in as well. I heard a good rule of thumb, "Praise twice, criticize once." Try to catch them being good, even if it may not be easy. If she does happen to do something, thank her by saying, "It really does help me out a lot when you ______. I do appreciate it."

Answer 4

i think that a LOT of these answers are WAY too harsh.

anyway, I would try making the chores fun for her. Pretend you re on an adventure. Like when you are doing the laundry, pretend that the clothes are fish, and the white fish have to be seperated from the colored fish. so, you should work together to seperated the clothes by color.

also, i would NOT punish her for not doing the chores. Instead I would REWARD her for actually DOING them. She will eventually start doing them without warning. It WILL tak A LOT of time tho, but eventually she will start WANTING to do chores. I would give her $5 per chore to put into her allowance, which she could use to buy special toys (u still pay 4 her clothes and x-mas/b-day gifts tho).

Remember people, REWARD is better than punishment (the reward DO NOT have to be matireal. it could just be LOTS AND LOTS of praise). but don't overdo the rewards tho, or they may start to become demanding, and we don't want that, do we?

Answer 5

try making a list of what she needs to have done like her chores by the end of the day and if she doesn't have it done then that's when it's time for mom and dad to have a talk with her because most kids at that age know when they need to do it but they also want to see how far they can push mom and dad to the end.

And may-be it's time to get her out into some after school group activates at a family Gym or with the school. Oh and I wouldn't worry about those on here who think it's your fault that she's going through this because some people don't know what it's like to have a child in today's world. What I'm trying to say is just keep doing what you do and try to have a sit down talk with her because I think most girls at that age would like to just have some mom and daughter time.

Answer 6

Well, my 9 year old whines and complains at times, but I ignore that.

I just repeat what it is I want done calmly. I ignore the whining. I stress how important it is for team members to have a good attitude and that it helps everyone working on chores work happier if people stay positive and focus on how they're helping.

We like to play music during chores and my kids pick the music.

I give a time frame within which I want to see the chore done. I ask what chores he likes doing and include lots of those. I don't pay allowance for chores because members of a family do chores. period. you don't get paid for that.
i might have had to say a time or two in the past - you won't be playing your computer game until you unload the dishwasher, but not often.
I think the important thing is to not get into an argument, not get to her level. Just state your expectations for her, your philosophy about chores in general, tell her how important her help is, ask her input, listen if it's valuable, acknowledge it regardless.

The very fabulous "How to Talk so Kids Will Listen and Listen so Kids Will Talk" recommend using one word whenever possible. Like, instead of "Why are your shoes in the hall? I told you to put your shoes in the closet. Why don't you ever help?" say "Shoes!"


Are the chores you want her to do reasonable for her age? Do you make sure you seek her out for time to talk with her, play games with her, read with her, let her know she's valued for herself?

Answer 7

Give her an incentive to do chores. Like if she makes her bed everyday and keeps her room clean she can have a sleepover or something like that. With kids you have to make them want to help around the house, make it worth it for them. For everyday she does something to help around the house she gets a choice of some sort of prize at the end of the week or month. Something that you can both agree is a good reward. Talk to here ask her what she would like as a reward.

Answer 8

Make a scheduled appointment, for her to meet some children in foster care group homes, then take her own tour of your city,
allow her to see real homeless families that are in shelters and or on the street, my son has never been the same once he saw that some people don't eat every day or have a place to lay down at night.
My mom tip : No allowance, it must be earned or she will not get one red cent. or donate her allowance to a charity in her name. It is not to late for damage control , MY home is boot camp for brats ask my teenage stepdaughter she has been reformed. your daughter must understand that she has no needs or wants everything has already been provided that alone is a priviledge

Answer 9

ill tell u what i did w/my kids when they were little. i made a chore chart. had probably about 15 or so chores listed vertically and the days of the week listed horizontally across the top. they HAD to do a few each day... like make their bed, stuff like that. they got a star for each one they did and those were the same every day. once they did the required ones, they could do as many others as they wanted to do...like dusting, vacuuming, folding laundry...simple stuff....and they would get a star for each and would earn pay for each extra one they did. that worked out pretty well. good luck to you all :)

Answer 10

How about an incentive chart. You make a chart up..put on there the chores that you want her to do..and IF she does them you mark it off. Only if she get's so many marks, checks (whatever you choose) then she can do things like earn tv time, video time, a night at the movies, dinner out, McDonalds..etc..

Punishing her isn't working..rewarding her good behavior and telling her how proud you are of her when she does it right seems to be the way to go.

Answer 11

At the beginning of the week put her allowance (in quarters) in a jar. Give her a list of daily chores. Tell her that it is her responsibility to do those things, and if they aren't done and you happen to do it yourself, that she will be paying you. For example: if you tell her to put her clothes in the laundry room every day, and you walk into her room and they are on the floor, just take care of them (without saying anything), then take a quarter out of the jar. At the end of the week, whatever is left in the jar is hers. If she ends up owing you anything at the end of the week, then it comes out of the next allowance. This works great, plus it teaches her a little about money!