Need help with a married man!?

Question

I met him 2half yrs.ago. married but,was separated when I met him. they lived in separated households. after a 1yr.half, they went to get consuling, we discuss the topic about them trying to work things out. so they were back together for three months when the wife calls me up to ask about me and her husband. I had no problem with her knowing it. and neither did he because she asked him before calling me and he told her to call me herself. now she knew about me ,now i told her since they were together that i broke everything off with her husband. now we been in touch by telephone or e-mail. but no sex contact. it's been 8mo.that we haven't seen each other.and now he wants to start seeing each other again . now i'm not going to lie . I do LOVE her husband . but, it;s hard trying to not go that route with him because he come to my job ,calls my cell andhouse phone every day. now he wants me to give him an answer by monday. what should i do i'm confused over love so i can't think straig

Answer 1

U gotta let him go. Chalk it up as a wonderful experience for what time it lasted, but the fact is this. He is married and isnt gonna leave her for u. And honestly, u dont want him to. That would be for the wrong reason.
U can walk away now and remain on good terms with good memories, or u can start it up again, and end up resentful and unable to associate with him because of the situation.
Lets face it hun, until he is divorced, he pretty much off limits to u. You wouldnt want another woman steppin on your toes, and u did the right thing by breaking it off with him when he went back to her. If he isnt happy with her, then he will leave and then there is a possibility for the two of you to rekindle your romance. But until that happens, u need to leave him be. It will be better in the long run.
Just be glad for the time u shared and consider it a blessing u were able to love that way. Thats what i did. I still love him to this day and I always will. And even though it hurt like hell when he went back to her......i can smile fondly when i think of the memories of him. It was truly a once in a life time love that we shared. Just bad timing.
So, take my advice and leave it as it is. There is no bitterness and no resentment. Only fond memories. Its best to let this one rest until he can give u more.
Good luck. I know how hard it is.

Answer 2

Oh, if you are serious about this, I just feel sad for you... he is married, honey... married. And evidently that doesn't mean anything to him or he wouldn't be pursuing you like this. You deserve better than that. Don't be the other woman - sitting around until he decides he is ready for a taste of you. if you stop obsessing over him, you'll free yourself for a real relationship - one that will be truly satisfying. You both lie and deceive and then wonder why you're confuses... it's not love, it's just sad. You deserve better...what kind of man tells his wife to call his mistress herself?! That's crazy...

Answer 3

Resist the temptation to reunite until he breaks things off with his wife. This is the best thing you can do for yourself. If you start seeing him again, he'll be back in the dangerous space between the two of you, and the result can only bring heartache -- more than you're feeling now.

Look at it this way:
Let's say you two reunite and he does the same thing as before, going back to his wife. Is that good for you?

Let's say you reunite and he decides to go with you. Good for you, right? Well not when his wife calls you to ask what happened and you feel guilty for stealing him away. And she becomes bitter that he left and makes his life all but impossible to enjoy, and then he feels guilty and goes back to the space between the two of you.

Or he stays with you but you both feel guilty about how you went about it, the ex-wife acts as she should, angry and embittered, and your relationship becomes strained by these emotional chains. You may work it out -- but it won't be easy -- or you may end up not staying together anyway.

Or he stays with you, but becomes bored with your relationship and seeks still another woman to satisfy his thrill of the chase. People who play this game often continue to play it their whole lives. It's a hard habit for them to break. You'll end up just one of his string of exes, and feel guilty for letting things happen before they should.

Or, you wait and see if he does leave his wife with no promises from you that you will be waiting for him. If he doesn't ever leave his wife, you'll be free to find another, more stable man, whom you can love without reservation or guilt. Heck, you might find someone before he gets around to divorcing. Wouldn't that be good for you?

If he does leave his wife -- and divorces her -- and you haven't found another guy you like better, and you two are able to get together without the guilt, dishonor and mistrust that comes from having an affair, wouldn't that really be good for you?

I know it's hard, but life will get harder if you end up tangled in his troubled marriage. Be good to yourself. Let him work out what he really wants to do while you go on living with all options open to you.

Best of luck

Answer 4

This will make you think straight. He is someone elses husband by law and by honor. Would you like it if it were done to you? NO? Then you know what you have to do. Call his wife and tell her to keep him away from you or tell him to file for divorce and if he igets a divorce come back with documents and you will consider seeing him again But no wife. If he cheats on his wife he will cheat on you. Believe me he will

Answer 5

You were emailing him and calling him when he was "trying to work it out" with her. Even though its not physical- you need to tell him to decide. Tell him unless he is a FREE MAN you want nothing to do with him. Hes a wh0re and if you continue on with him you deserve that title too! Its not Love its lust, and you are wanting something you cant have hes obviously using her for the wifey things and you for, well the "other things" she wont do. SO OBVIOUS! THIS IS YOUR WAKE UP CALL!!!! Girl DROP him or you are asking to get hurt!

Answer 6

i hope this helps...i was in almost the exact situation. the best advice i can give you is to try your best to stay away from him unless he leaves his wife first. we have been together for five years now and are engaged..but i have had to deal with A LOT of trust issues. i spent all of the first 4 years trying to catch him cheating on me. i am still very jealous and if you can stay out of this i suggest you do so.

Answer 7

Tell him if he wants to start seeing you again then he needs to get a divorce. Seeing a married man is only going to cause problems. They say they'll leave the wife, but they rarily ever do and then you are the one hurting.

Answer 8

you need to give him an ultimatum: its either you or his wife. You already wasted 2 1/2 years on him. how much longer are you gonna wait? but remember, he hooked up with you while still married, granted separated, and he could do it to you too.

Answer 9

He cheated on her once now he wants to cheat on her again with you again....if he leaves her for you there is a really good possibility he will cheat on you too. Move along and find someone single. Having you talk to him even with emails makes his sorting out of his priorities more difficult.

Answer 10

Married? Off limits! Even if separated, they were together for awhile-might still be. Take care.