whats wrong with me?

Question

i am 21 years old and feel depressed virtually all the time. i really just hate myself, stemming mainly from (i think at least) the fact that i have never had a girlfriend, and that i have never even had a girl really interested in me. i feel extremely ugly, both inside and out, and just feel like i will never be able to attract a girl. i have smoked weed for the last couple of years (i began just after my father passed away) nearly every day to cope, and it has helped quite a bit. but i am sick of the side effects, and also being seen as a 'stoner'. i quit during this period for over a month, but felt worse by the end. i am too ashamed to seek out expensive psychologists, am very hesitant and wary of anti-depressant drugs, and just dont really want to live anymore. my confidence and self esteem seem to be forever falling, but i feel like my only way out is not an option due to my family. after 21 years with no interest from girls, you do start thinking what is wrong with yourself

i am short, red hair, obvious freckles, hairy (covering my whole back, shoulders and chest), and have an ugly scar across my nose. i feel like i almost have a disability. i dont want to live my life in this body, and feel like i am held so far back by my looks. i am heavily into music, and my dream was to be a songwriter in a band. but i know that i will never be able to make it due to how i look (this i have already been told by people in the industry). is it definitely my looks that turns girls away? i went out last night, and within 2 minutes of talking to every girl barr one they had walked away, i dont understand. im not a weird guy, simply asking how their night was, what they do with themselves etc. i just feel like im beaten before i begin
if anyone can suggest a way to solve this way of thinking, it would be much appreciated

well leneki, if you must know, they were paid for, its the only way a girl will listen to me or even be interested.

Answer 1

Oh come on. Nothing can be that bad. I went thru life something like you and was ready to commit suicide too. I got thru it by just not trying so hard to impress girls. I noticed that the more i ignored them the more they started asking my friends what was wrong with me or if i was gay. Then they started thinking that there must be something wrong with them and they started to come and talk to me. Remember, just act your natural self, physical looks are not everything and people are always looking for a genuine guy with real feelings and sentiments. Learn to listen and learn to talk naturally, dont try to overdo or overimpress anybody. Give up the drugs right away as that will just keep increasing over time and will be harder to give up. Dont do anything stupid and give life a chance and watch everything will work out OK. Learn to trust in God.

Your welcome.

Answer 2

I think it's because of your self-esteem that is now too low...
I can kinda relate to how you feel.Being lonely and not finding anyone who can make you feel important and make life worth living.And having that awful feeling inside you is so burdening,to the point that you have to intake something just to try to get rid of that feeling.

But it's not actually all loss,you just fail to realize the most important thing-recognizing your own importance. If you can't see that in yourself,how much more with others?And you shouldn't base your worth by how others see you,cause not everyone is truly appreciative of someone's worth until that person dies (which is so stupid-how can a person feel his worth AFTER DEATH?!)

Just do what I did,look at yourself and not on how others see you. Know your good and bad points,good and bad traits.Be proud of who you are.Besides,people will always come and go but what's inside you will forever remain.

Heck,it won't be long before you won't even notice someone already liking you.
CAUSE THE BEST THINGS IN LIFE ARE NEVER PREPARED FOR,WHEN YOU LEAST OR NEVER EXPECT IT,IT WILL USUALLY COME.

lastly,(not being preachy but...)try going to church.there are a lot of people who were like you but found a new and better life after knowing their Lord and Savior-that Someone who really knows your real worth.

Don't give up hope.Who knows,there may be a party being organized for you at the end of the race-and they're waiting for you,for your victory in life :D

Answer 3

First of all you sound seriously depressed and you should talk to your doctor about what's going on. With that said...I understand how you feel. I'm 42, overweight and single. I was dating, but a year and a half ago...my b/f dumped me and one of the things that came up was my weight. It hurt; it still hurts...but only I have to live with myself...so I do what I can and move on. I have a medical problem so losing weight is difficult. In the past few months I've learned to accept my weight, my gray hair, my wrinkles and all the other blemishes. I feel better about myself and it shows because I get asked out. People like being around positive people. I don't go out yet because I don't trust myself yet. I want to make sure I truly feel good about me before I chance it. Good luck...talk to your doctor.

Answer 4

Hold on man. You can overcome any kind of depression.

I'm only 15 and I have gone through depresion, been self injurous, made it through, and have learned to love myself again.

At one point i felt exactly like you. But you have to remember, things happen for their own reasons. If you have been single for this long, then maybe there someone for you, someday.

Fate works in funny ways.

As for smoking weed, it may make you feel better for the moment, but remember, you'll only be proving it to yourself that you cant be strong on your own.

If you are realy that depressed, then perhaps you should tell someone. You dont have to see a shrink (although I loved mine, she was such a great woman, that i look up to her now). Just speak. to someone. anyone.

you have no idea how much that kind of thing can lift your sprits when you have someone to sympathize with.

When I was on "the road to recovery" as i now call it, a few songs touched my heart deeply. An somewhat strengthened my resolve. I'll share a few with you.

"Move along" by all american rejects.
"Otherside" Red hot chilli peppers (or any other song fom them realy, because their music soothes the soul)
"Outside" by staind

hope it helps. hang on man. if you ever need someone to talk to, never hesitate to contact me.

[e-mail]

-Elyse

Answer 5

you say just hate my self itis big diale why you hate your self to solve all this proplem you should first love your self to love people around you and feel happy ,you not ugly may be you don't beuity in your face but it's sure you good guy in your self and one day you will find a good girl you love and interest and also she will love you.
you should know there is no any girl love drugs so if you still take this you don't find girl love you ,please I please you try to help your self just for you to don't ashamed your self and if you get married and have akids ,your kids will be ashemed you . just for your futsure please help your self stop smokeing and drugs love people and your self ,I want to be your sister to be bihend you and hope I can help you.but really if you take my talk and use it you rally will find your self great and best than now.
I really want see you when you be good tell me just 4 words { I am now best } .

Answer 6

Well, the first thing I will tell you is that you are not alone. There are plenty of individuals that feel and think the exact same way you do. Let's go over what we know about you...

I'm sorry to hear that your father passed away. That is never an easy thing to cope with, whether you are close or not. Many of us may not even realize it effects us. But for the vast majority of us, it is losing 1/2 of everything we had known about life. Many people will say that they cannot stand their parents, but lots of these cases are because these people never felt they were able to please their parents. It is unfortunate, but most of live for other people and most of the time, it is for a parent. So, what am I getting at? You need to ask yourself how to let your father go. It's hard because I'm sure in some way, you feel lost without him. Which is why you still use weed as an escape. You don't want to let go so you avoid it. I've always had a chip on my shoulder that I have tried to prove my dad wrong from day one. But if he passed, I would be lost with a lesser motivation because subconsciously, that is what I know. Now you might be saying that it's long over and that your problem now is girls and weed. You've de-sensitized yourself. If you are smoking pot for fun, then it is recreation. If you are smoking for escape, it is abuse.

Second, you need to re-evaluate and ask yourself why you need the things you do. Everyone has the basic need to be loved. You say you hate yourself. I think you do so because you think that someone else has to love you in order for you to love yourself. THANKFULLY, it doesn't work that way. It will help if you start understanding the idea that you don't need someone to validate you. We are all living beings. No one life is worth more than the other. It is only society that tells us so. And you know who tells us these things? The people that think their existence is more important to the universe. Money, power, looks doesn't make the man. You think, you feel, you express, right? How different are you then from others? Don't buy into that nonsense unless that is what you want to be like. If you say there is no interest, then have you allowed yourself to be interesting? If you start to be honest with yourself and express yourself without regard to how others will see you, then you will find that there is a girl out there that will respond... and her love will be real.

You've heard all this before. In fact, you probably know it and know deep down what you have to do to acheive the things you want. Most of the time, people know what to do, but it is the courage they lack because they are afraid they will fall deeper into their hurt if they fail. I'm not going to lie- it's going to be a difficult road. It never easy to face yourself. Chances are, you might drop lower than you are now. But I promise you, failure only comes when you quit and give in. If you never stop, things will change for the better at some point. And know that recovery isn't done in a day... for many, it's a lifetime. And while that seems daunting, that's the adventure of living. Look at it this way... when you find yourself out of this, you will feel more of a person and stronger than those that have had it "easy" will ever feel. You will know how to appreciate things that others take for granted. You will be enriched. It's an opportunity, if you choose to see it that way. Right now, it's your curse... but when you defeat it, it will be your blessing. I look back on the difficult times in my life fondly. I know how much more complete I feel now than most people I've met. And when I face situations now, I look at them as favorable- because I know what it will do for me. And believe me, when you look at tough situations as favorable, you will no longer fear them. You are not paralyzed. It's like a maze. You can allow yourself to think you are lost or you can allow yourself to see it as a game. If you think "lost", you won't be able to focus and remember what way you came or where you are going because you are focused on feeling lost. Scared. Panicked. But if you look at it as a welcome challenge... you don't allow yourself to feel lost. You might take a wrong turn, but you will be much more likely to recognize it as that and not make the same mistake- you will find your way out much quicker. Make sense? The only thing I wish I did was listen and understand what that meant the first time I faced really difficult problems. Allow yourself to envision what I mean.

I don't like blowing positive nothings up people's ***. That's why I won't sit here and tell you to "hold on. things will get better." While I believe that can be true, I know you want things to be better now. I can't tell you what to do, but I can share with you ways to help yourself understand that there is power in you. What I told you is the truth. It can be as beautiful as you want it to be. It's your life and in the end, you are the only one that controls what happens in it.

Take care and good luck.

Answer 7

any girl who judges you on your looks is not the type of girl you want to be in a relationship with. I've gone out with guys that my friends said werent good looking, but I didn't care because their personality is what attracted me to them. Sure, girls look at guy's looks, but the girls worth your time will not judge you on your looks- they'll judge you on your personality. Just relax, be yourself, maybe make the girl laugh or ask her about herself, and you'll find the right one (or lots of them!).

Answer 8

well pal I kind of find it hard to believe you because I looked back in your questions and it wasnt long ago you were asking Q&A's what you could do about a burning sensation when you pee? You went on saying how you used protection with your female friend. So what is it? Just want a little attention??I am gboing to request Q&A's to get a category for people who just want attention..,Because I am really starting not to beleive alot of questions I see here.....Bye BYE NOW!

Answer 9

The right girl WILL be there one day
it will be worth the wait

Answer 10

go to professional help