What would you do if you had a 21 year old son interested in a 17 year old high school student?

Answer 1

Four years is not that much of an age difference, even at that young of an age. Girls tend to be a bit more mature at a younger age than guys, so they should be close to even in maturity level.

However, you should check out your state's laws as it pertains to age of consent and statuatory rape. In some states the age of consent is only 16, while in other states it's 18. That's the biggest concern I would have as a parent. And if they're not sleeping together (and hopefully they've both been raised right in regards to sex), then just dating isn't illegal.

I think too many people who have answered this question have jumped right to the conclusion that they're having sex. And while that does have its consequences, you should not make any assumptions about the situation without knowing all the facts. From the question, it sounds like there's simply interest at this moment.

When I was a 22-year old college senior, my girlfriend was an 18-year old freshman. And while she had some maturity issues that eventually led to our breakup, that's something he'll have to learn on his own. And perhaps the girl is much more mature for her age than he is, so that won't be an issue.

Oh, and another suggestion, especially if your son lives at home with you... may I suggest that all their dates be chaperoned until she is of age? You may want to discuss this with her parents as well, so they can have a part in the potential courtship.

to Janet P - Professional help? So I have to ask, what's the age difference between your parents? How about you and your significant other? I'd be worried if the guy was say in his 30's or 40's, or if the girl was under 16. Otherwise, 21 to 17 isn't that much. Other than the obvious legal issues, it's not much different than 22 to 18, which is perfectly legal.

Answer 2

Okay, about the not liking boys part, she's you're daughter. Did you tell your parents about all the crushes that you had? If she does have friends, that's good. But maybe she's not spending time with others because she feels that they don't really like her. Have any of them called to ask her to do something? That might be the problem, is that she's waiting for them to call. Teach her that to make a friend, she needs to be a friend. That means she needs to pick up the phone and dial their number. If all else fails, go to a counselor. Try to make it a group thing, and go in there with her so she won't be alone. But let her know that if she wants to talk to the counselor alone, without you around to hear what she has to say, then that option should be open.

Answer 3

Tell the 'Son' to get real. Why is a 17 year old even an option? At 21 he can't find anybody at LEAST 18?? Come on. You best hope he hasn't already had sex with her, or he is on his way to jail if she so much as sniffles about it. FYI: Alot of states will prosecute statutory rape EVEN IF SHE IS 18 if she is still in high school. Considered a dependant minor. Good luck! (former police officer.)

Answer 4

Check your state laws to see if he is committing a felony if he has sex with 17 year old. Some states are under 17 and a prosecuting attorney can make your son's life miserable - and force him to register as a sex offender. Otherwise, 4 years isn't that big of a deal.

Answer 5

I would advise him that she is too young for him, even though 4 years is not generally a big age difference, especially as you get into your 20's. However, if you're worried about legalities, in many states the age of consent is sixteen. If the age of consent is higher than that in your state, such as 18, he could be in for a load of trouble from Mom and Dad and end up as a convicted pedophile who needs to register everywhere he lives. At the very least, he needs to find out the age of consent in your state.

Answer 6

I met my husband at 17 and he was 21 one we are now happily married at 21 and 25 and get along great becaue we are the same maturity level boys are ment to be older although i do live in canada if you live in the states i guess you have to hope they hold off on being sexual but at 21 i don't think theres much u can do hes grown

Answer 7

He needs to wait another year before anything gets going between them. Four years is fine for a gap, but she should be 18. God forbid the father of the girl finds out, gets mad, and calls the cops and presses charges or something. Ya never know.

Answer 8

Cant say its a bad thing,I dated my first ex wife while she was still in high school she was 17 and I 24.Did not mean for it to happen but love knows no bounds.But I knew I had to communicate alot with her parents.It worked out well.4 years is not a big deal until she gets pregnant or her dad catchtes them if they are sexually active.Dont stroke out on us but just communicate to him that there are laws dealing with statutory rape and she is a bit inmature at 17 years of age.Communicate with them BOTH.Good luck!

Answer 9

Remind him of the law. I live in Canada, so it would be legal here, but I know in the States it isn't in most places. Encourage their relationship if you think they would be good together, and could avoid any physical contact until she is eighteen. Four years is really not that much... I met my husband right before I turned eighteen, and he was 25.... it was shocking to us that we got a long so well, because 7 years seemed like A LOT. But it worked out... I guess that proved how mature I was compared to him ;-). If you don't think they will be a good couple, or if you think they are having sex, tell your son that you will have to tell her parents if it continues, so that you can avoid having the law come down on his head.

Answer 10

Nothing, unless it's illegal where you live. I am from Canada, so it's not illegal. It's not a big age difference. It's only 4 years. I dated a 21 year old when I was 17.