Is it a good idea to have a kid in this day and age?

Question

I don't want a kid, but my wife girlfriend does. I think it's a bad idea, because I see this kid growing up in a world facing destruction. Maniacs are all over the world, and the world is going mad. I personally see the end coming in a couple of years, but that's me. How do I convince her not to have a kid? I am already wishing my parents didn't have me, because I believe we're all dead in a couple of years, and I am facing a lot of danger myself.

Answer 1

Well, if we're all dead in a few years, from a meteor or somesuch, it really doesn't matter about all the bad guys, right? And, if you are wanting to give to another being - which is the essence of parenting - then the joys, the bliss, of parenthood would certainly be a good thing to be immersed in when the meteor hits.

Frankly, my oldest son, 14, said he feels that he was born with a front row seat for the Apocalypse. Now, that's a comment to rip your heart out, right? But, my son didn't say this with despair, he said it with a disappointment in grownups and a passion for fixing things anyway, for believing it's not too late.

http://youtube.com/watch?v=3vPMHJsgSTI
This links to a movie my son made, totally on his own motivation and skills. He loves his life, he loves justice, he loves other people, he wants us to make it for as long as we can.

My precious father died almost a year ago. I can't believe how the time has rushed by. Days before he died suddenly and unexpectedly, I said to him - I know this sounds like mid-life crisis stuff, but what's the point of living, striving, caring when someone you love is just gonna die. (the subconscious must be so strong.)

And dad said, "Whether you live 60 years or 100 years, [he only got 65], it is too short. Your life is your life, your gift from the universe. You must spend your time loving your family and developing yourself, doing what matters to you. Your life is all you've got and you can't let future sorrows scare you into tossing it away."

So, don't spend your life having kids if you don't want kids.

But if you have love and TIME to give, if you can help your child have a good life*, then have a child. And if you're all sitting in the sand one day building a castle, digging a moat, feeling the sun warm your skin as your child's laugh warms your heart, and you see above her head the huge meteor hurtling into the sea, just hold her and her mother tight and die in happiness rather than in bitterness.

*babies all need the same thing to grow well - mommy's milk for the first few years, no more than 10 hours of separation a week from mommy for the first few years, no hitting, no ignoring, no leaving a child to cry, frequent holding as only holding builds the brain, no pushing the child to act older or achieve more than his age, but always providing for and expecting his/her best.

Answer 2

Likely every generation has had the same trepidations over whether or not to bring children into the world of the day.

The war of 1912, the Great Depression, WWII, Cold War, Atom Bomb etc., etc.

We are more prepared to have children today than our parents, or their parents before them were, yet we are not as prepared as the parents of tomorrow will be.

Everything in life is a risk, there are unknowns that dog us no matter what we choose or decide upon.

Having or not having children is a monumental decision that only the two of you can ultimately decide on...if you aren't very kid oriented then having a child will not change your thoughts very much but you could end up with a child that just melts your heart and you'd then look back to this and wonder how you could ever have robbed yourself of the incredible experience.

You have some valid points but basing the decision of whether or not to have a child solely on how the world is today and believing your wife should do the same thing...might lead the two of you to be at opposite ends of the spectrum until you can find some common ground that brings you together on this.

Good luck...a tough decision, made tougher by events of the day

Answer 3

If you look at history there have been many bad things that have come-and gone. People site the "end of the world" all the time, yet here we are still. Will it come one day? Who knows. What I do know is that I can not live for what MIGHT happen 4000 years from now.

I make eco-friendly choices and try to walk a little softer on the earth than the next guy. I homeschool all 6 of my children and teach that the earth is a resource to be cherrished, not wasted. Perhaps one of my children will find the saving grace for the planet and figure out the worlds problems with waste disposal, or an alternative energy source that is affordable for even the most poor families to afford.

I really suggest that you see a therapist if you really wish that you had never been born and don't know how to make the planet a better place by your being born. Perhaps they will make you see a way to change something for the better. :)

Answer 4

When has the world not been dangerous and violent? It is just in the last century, we can broadcast world events around the world in a matter of seconds, not in weeks or even months....And as the population grows so will the everything else, and even the good...along with the bad...

It is not what kind of world your child will have growing up and as a grown up themselves, but how you raise your child to deal with hard times, and to respond to the world.

With that said, I really do not believe that you are going to talk her out if having a child...and if you do succed, then what? She might regret her decision to be talked out of it, she might regret you....This was something to be discussed before you got married....not after....Anyway, for most..(not all) women, have a need, to have children. Most of us are just built that way, not only because we are female, but a child is the great love there is that you can share with your partner...

So blaming the world, is no reason not to have children...

Answer 5

People have been predicting the end of the world for centuries and haven't been correct yet...you may express your opinion to your wife's girlfriend but it's her decision to have a kid or not...

Stop being such a pessimist and enjoy the life you have as best you can...whether or not it's a good idea to have a kid is irrelevant if it's not your decision to make...if you don't want any, then don't have any but why let yourself become swallowed up by some idea you've given yourself that the world is about to end, when there's no real reason to believe it will occur?

Answer 6

If that was everyone's attitude, humanity would have died out a long time ago! Pick any year in history.... I'm sure the people who lived at that time looked at the world around them and saw all kinds of things they feared or didn't like... and often thought the end of the world was just around the corner. But, we live on, and on, and on. Having a child is not about crawling in a hole and ignoring the greater world until you die. It is about love, and hope for mankind. Who knows ... your child may be the one to save the world! At the very least she/he will brighten the world of those who love her/him. And that's a pretty good start!

Answer 7

so is she your wife or your girlfriend? i can see why you would not want a child considering you mourn your own existance and maybe you are right, maybe the world will end in a few years but one of you will need to give in or go your separate ways until the end comes. furthermore there have always been maniacs but if she wants a child you will not be able to convince her otherwise.

Answer 8

first off god takes all of the little children with him so they face no suffering, 2nd children are a blessing and the most joy anyone could ever ask for. They can be trying and its not always fun and games but thats what being a parent is all about. you might have an underlying condition that needs to be address so make an appt. with your doctor and see if something is bothering you or out of wack. It sounds like you might have some deppression and a medication might help.

Answer 9

Well, it's all about attitude.
I know there is a lot of bad stuff happening in the world, but children bring so much joy and beauty that it really is indescribable.
Perhaps it isn't your wifes mind you need to change, but your own. Seek some counselling for your negativity and start seeing the world in a different light.

Answer 10

I think there have been problems in every generation. If your wife/gf wants one, you two should talk about it, but if you are still not up for it, DO NOT have a kid. It is either both parents want the child or don't have the child in my not-so-humble opinion lol.