What to do if Husband's mom doesn't show much interest in her grandchild?

Question

She does not call and told me that the baby would not be the center of her world. How would you feel about this? My familyis just crazy over the baby and don't understand this kind of behavior. I had a great relationship with my in-laws, but now I feel weird. . . a bit disappointed in them.

Answer 1

There're loads of kind, intelligent people who think children are absolutely fantastic, but that babies are, well, sort of stupid.

That's not unreasonable. Babies are a bit stupid.

Not being baby-crazy does not a "hateful attitude" make. Perhaps she feels there's a limited amount of meaningful interaction she can have with the baby at this point. (I'm not saying one can't have meaningful interaction with babies; just -- maybe that's true for her.)

But, given that she said 'centre of her world,' maybe there's something going on in her private life that's preventing her from reaching out as much as she'd like right now? If this is a relatively new thing, and she's nice enough when you do hear from her, I wouldn't worry.

Still -- why not ask her what's up?

You could send a book or some such as a hint. "The Good Granny Guide" is a great read.

Answer 2

Some women need to have space and time from the shock of grandmotherhood. Some women look upon this as aging. Then she knows that seperation is a factor-you put time effort and money into these kids and smart people know that the little one may not be around as much as they like or want them to be.
You should make an effort to make the child a part of this grandma's world even if it is only one afternoon a week. There may be an age that she prefers over the baby time. She still needs to bond because it is her grandchild.
I have two and they are worth the frustration and joy that I have invested with them. Now, the parents are another nightmare.
She probably feels that the child will get more time with your side of the family anyway and why ask.?

Answer 3

Unfortuantely, you can't force someone to take an interest in any particular thing - even their own grandchild. Try to give her the benefit of the doubt; I don't know if this is her first grandchild, but if it isn't, she may have had negative experiences with other grandchildren. It's also possible that she feels threatened by the fact that you now have a stronger hold on her son than before the baby was born, or that she's heard friends talk about how their children took advantage of them as babysitters. Every situation is different; until you know more, just accept that she's going to be involved at a relatively low level, and be glad that your own parents will be more involved.

Answer 4

I'm in a similar situation. My in-laws never send presents for birthdays or Christmas. My FIL had only been to visit once since our son was born 3 years ago (my FIL passed away last spring). My MIL has only been up twice now, right after our son was born and right after our daughter was born. She lives 500 miles away, but my parents live 550 miles away and they make and effort to get up here every month or two to see us and the kids. I know that part of it is a money issue, but it still doesn't seem that she makes much of an effort. Even when we are around her (we try to get down there 2-4 times each year), she'll just kind of sit back in a chair and watch, not really trying to interact with the kids.

I feel sad for my kids that my MIL doesn't make more of an effort. But I'm glad for my kids that my parents are the world's best grandparents.

I just make sure that I send her pictures (which she always says she loves to get) and write her letters about what the kids are doing (she doesn't have email so she can't see our website regularly). I figure that just because she's not willing to make an effort it doesn't stop me from trying to keep her included.

Answer 5

I'm sorry that you're mother in law seems to wish to detach herself. I can't fathom missing out on the joy of a new grandchild. My MIL disowned my husband and I several years before we had our baby, and now has nothing to do with her either. I am hoping that once she sees her in a couple of months at my sister in laws wedding that she'll have a change of heart - Emlyn is her first grandchild. But I don't know - she's a stubborn women. I don't really know what to say to you, except that I understand you feeling disappointed It seems like the two people she hurts the most are herself, and your baby, who is deprived of the closeness of the grandparent relationship. Hopefully she'll come to that realization on her own. Good luck.

Answer 6

You cant force them to feel a certain way towards a baby. The baby will soon realize that your inlaws part of the family just "act" differently than your side of the family. Maybe someday they will come around , maybe they wont. I would say not to push it. And make sure that that baby knows he/she is very loved by all whether the in-laws want to show it or not.

Answer 7

I've been in the same situation before and i will tell you what i learned, let them be the way they want to be and enjoy you baby because your child will get older and in the process of that happening they will miss out on a lot going on in your baby's' life and when he gets older and don't want nothing to do with them,guess what they can't blame it on you and never speak mean or nasty about them(at least not when the baby is in each shot anyway) that way they can never say that you have him like that towards them they did it without your help,good luck

Answer 8

How is you searching ahead to her to come back on your position any diverse from you searching ahead to her to come back to you? certain she has no A/C, yet she manages, no one's holding you should stay all day. Sidebar, all mom in guidelines seem bossy and controlling, did you purely meet her, or is it purely bothering you presently that you've a baby? the position precisely is the compromise if she's continuously coming to you? Compromise, may be taking turns. Or placed it to her this way. "Days even as its purely eighty tiers, we are going to pop out and experience some clean air, days even as its ninety and above, please come to our abode and experience some A/C and ice chilly lemonade" Packing up a 6 month old?? PUHlease, how not uncomplicated is it to throw some diapers in a bag and characteristic a bottle accessible? An hour lengthy visit ought to suffice and in case you want more effective than that, you want to study a thanks to lighten your load!

Answer 9

I'm sorry that she's acting like this. She's really missing out on a special time, and will regret it later. Not much you can do, though. You can force a person to have emotions. I wish you all the best. And look at it this way, at least your family is taking advantage of this time with the baby.

Answer 10

i SOOOO know how you feel! Except its MY mother that is that way! My husbands parents LOVEs the kids (2 girls (7,6) boy (4)).. They are even a HUGE hit with everyone on his side of the family... Mine too (except a lot of my family is overseas in England) But they still email and ask for pictures constantly.

My mother on the hand rarely seems to care. Which is sad really. Granted she lives in Las Vegas (Nv) and im in Wi... but you'd think.. Grandkids.. you know. She doesnt get online or call to ask how they are doing.. What they been up too or nothing. I call the house there daily (i have a 14yr old brother(same mom different dad) that lives with them that i talk to daily) But she not once answers the phone to talk... It just sad when you constantly have to remind your children that they DO have another Grandmother but how do you explain WHY she isnt part of thier lives ya know?

Noone can say maybe its becuase your so far away..becuase we all Lived in Va when Both girls were little and even then she only saw them when we went over to thie house to pick up my brother. But i totally know how you feel! Someday i just wanna ask my mother whats her problem! lol

GL tho!