can any one out there with clinical depression and borderline personality disorder tell me how to make friends

Answer 1

I do have clinical depression and have most of my life, since at least 11 and I'm 41 now. I deal with it well though and most people tell me they can't even tell I have it. I do not have borderline personality disorder. But I wanted to tell you, since I know from working on a book, doing research for years now, that Borderline Personality Disorder is TOO OFTEN used as JUNK diagnosis in young people, when the fact is, no one should even be diagnosed it until after they are twenty-five years old. WHY? Because a person's personality isn't solidified until around age 25. I was told this by the National Institutes of Mental Health, after I wrote to them about my concern that too many doctors when they coudln't figure what was wrong with someone, especially when the person really had a dissociative disorder, that they got mis-labled for years as Borderline. It happened to me for a short time, as well as being mis-diagnosed just about every other disorder in the book before finally getting the correct diagnosis.

Why warming to you is, don't buy into the term Borderline unless you read the diagnostic criteria yourself and know it fits. It's basically saying the person is impulsive, unfocus, and very self centered, an lacks empathy for others feelings.

If you are a borderline and I will tell you this, being around many people with mental disorders, I have only ment one young women, who actually fit the criteria of Borderline Personality Disorder. She's come into people's homes even after they'd say they were too busy, she's just walk on in, sit down and then wanted to watch what she wanted on TV even if others didn't. She would have every disorder everyone else had, physical, mental or otherwise. She had no depth to her own personality. She showed little interest in helping others with their problems, but always wanted everyone else to know what her problems were and talk about those problems. Sadly often you'd find out someone else had told her about their problem, and she was now just repeating it as her problem. She seldom accomplised anything, unable to work towards goals until finished. She gossiped big time about everyone she was talking to. If one of us was sick and said we needed her not to call or come over for a few days, she might if you were lucky leave you alone the rest of that day. If you couldn't do something with her, she was sure it was because you just didn't like her. I can best say she was just the most self absorbed person I have ever met and lacked any insight into her behaviors that made her lose what few friends she made. It was all once sided with her; if she wasn't the focus she wasn't happy.

Borderlines who truly are borderline can change it if they want to. But it takes tremendous resolve on their part to change their own way of thinking about the world and others. It begins by not doing things impulsively, but thinking through consequences for actions, verbal statements, before making them. No gambling, no self abuse, no drug use, no alcohol use, no random sex with strangers or people the person barely knows. Listening more then you talk when with friends. Finding depth to yourself, what are your real interests and why are you interested in those things. Too often real Borderlines just take on the actions and interests in a superficial way of those around them. All these tend to play a major rule in the problems borderline's experience in social situations, including friendships.

The problem with why true borderline's will most often struggle to make friends then keep them is the following. A true borderline has problems expressing their emotional in a way that reflects the situation they are in. They usually are fun at first, full of energy, but others soon become tired of them when they realize the person has no depth to their personality. Learning to listen to others and empathize with friends is hard for a true borderline, they tend to dominate all conversations. They tend to get upset easily if things do not go their way.

You want friends, you have to talk less, listen well to what others have to say. Show interest in things they like, not just what you like. It's all about learning skills that most borderline's did not learn growing up in their homes, usually because those skills were not used and reflected by their parents. When you make a promise, you keep it, no excuses. When you say you'll do something with one friend, you don't change your mind and do something with someone else, just because what they want to do sounds better, funner, then doing what you already agreed to do with the other friend. Learn to calm down the need to be the center of attention in a group, and allow others to be the focus.

If you are a borderline and not mis-diagnosed, it's going to be about learning skills you do not have. Learn to really listen to others, to hear what they are saying without jumping in with your own comments. Just hear them. If you say you'll do something you do it, no excuses. When you are around others, respecting boundaries. True borderlines lach onto people and don't let go, they want that person to be everything to them and it's not how the real world works, so they end up driving the friend away within weeks or months of making the friendship.

After you look up the diagnostic criteria of borderline, which you can do on the Net by typing into your search bar "Diagnostic Criteria of Boerderline Personality Disorder". IF you find that it doesn't apply to you and you ask someone close to you and they say it doesn't fit, then you most likely have been misdiagnosed as so many young women are. I'd suggest finding a Psychologist and getting a complete work up. Many women who were abused severely as children do not learn skills they need and so they often get misdiagnosed as Borderline, when the fact often is they have one of many dissociative disorders.

I hope you make some real friends soon; we all need friends. If you are borderline, it will take you being critically honest with yourself about how you are around others and changing your behaviors one at a time.

GOOD LUCK!

Answer 2

Yeah...quit being mopey and look for some peace. When you do find a person to talk to do not threaten him but educate him about your disorder. It will be easier on the realationship and you