my boyfriend and I have been together about 2 years and I love him very much. He's my best friend and we do every thing together and we have so many things in common but theres one thing......I wonder sometimes if he is using me. I clean the house, wash his clothes, cook and not to mention i re-decorated his whole rec-room, grocerys too. Ohh did I mention.....i live with him to!!!! He does some of these things "sometime" but i need him to meet me half way. can i get some advice, should i drop him?? :>/ Ps..im still wating for him to pop the question.
2007-02-10 10:34:22 · 21 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
you are being his mom in cleaning up and caring for him, you are being his lover by sleeping with him and he has to do nothing, just enjoy it. sounds like a good deal for him.
love means you both do the dishes and clean and both enjoy each other. if not, maybe you should give him a bill for services rendered?
blessing,
frankie chocolate
2007-02-10 10:39:04 · answer #1 · answered by frankiechocolate 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't think you should dump him no. I'm sure he loves you, and if you're best friends and have been dating 2 years I'm sure he's not just using you. It's probably just that it's become so routine he doesn't stop to think about it as much. So just remind him of all of the stuff you do for him (in a nice way. Don't get bitchy about it cause it will just piss him off and turn into a fight, lol). Just bring it up in a nice/sweet/gentle way when you get done doing the dishes or something one night and sit by him on the couch or something. Just be like, "Baby, I do all these nice things for you like the dishes, and your laundry, and all of that stuff, because I love you and I like doing things for you.. But, it'd be really nice if you'd help me out a little more. I mean, I need some free time to relax a little too, you know?"
Just make him feel kinda bad for it but in a nice way like that. Doing it that way ensures that he can't really get mad about it (unless he's a total and complete asshole), and ontop of it it will probably make him feel kinda bad because when you put it that way - he knows you're right. And if you've been together that long and he loves you like I assume he does, he'd probably feel bad enough to start doing more around the house to make you happy (again because he knows you have a good point).
My guess is that would fix everything, or at least help move it along without it turning into a fight!
Hope that helps!
[**EDIT**]: And about the marriage thing.. Just because you're doing wife-like stuff for him and he hasn't married you doesn't mean he's using you. He probably either wants to give it a few years to make sure things will work out for sure in the longrun, or at the very least, he's scared to do it. From a guy's point of view, if things are going perfect the way they are right now? Why would you risk messing it all up with popping the question unless you were absolutely 100% WITHOUT A DOUBT ===POSITIVE=== that she would say yes? I mean in his mind, everything is pretty much perfect now.. Why risk having you say no, or having you say "I don't know, I have to think about it..." and making everything awkward and scary.. When you can just not ask, and let things stay nice, smooth, and happy like they are right now, you know?
2007-02-10 18:49:24 · answer #2 · answered by Nemo1313 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
OK well maybe you should tell him look, i love you with all my heart. And if you dont then you should just tell me right now. Because i am not the kind of girl who lets guys walk all over her. Just tell him that since ya'll both live together that he needs to work on things to. Like if you cook, then the least he can do is tell it was good and help you either wash dishes or load the dishwasher. Ask him to help you with the chores. If he doesnt want to work, then most likely he is just using you. Plus why dont you pop the question. Maybe he is just nervous about asking you.
2007-02-10 18:44:16 · answer #3 · answered by babygurl 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The writing on the wall tells me, that there is
no need to pop "THE QUESTION".
He's got his cake and eating it too.~~~ Surly you can see that.~
Why buy the cow, when the milk is free, and this arrangement is so easy to walk away from for him, this way. I hope that you will get out of this situation before you loose respect for yourself or he loses respect for you, and leaves you. Rejection is a very painful thing to go through. You think its love you are trying to get over, when in fact, it can be the fact that you have been left and thus rejected. Let it happen to him the taker, not you the giver. Good Luck to you ~~~~
2007-02-10 19:00:29 · answer #4 · answered by Jill ❤'s U.S.A 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Haha -- I feel you, girl! Well, the first thing I'd have to ask is, how old are you and your guy? If you're in your twenties, and you're acting like his "perfect wife," (without the actual title), then I think you better rock the boat a bit. Meaning, scare him enough into thinking you're not doing this for your health, but for building a relationship together as responsible adults.
If you guys are younger, then I think it's simply a matter for your guy to mature enough until he's ready to "pop the question." If anything, give him a tiny, itsy bitsy nudge, like remarking about V-Day, and how you'd like a promise ring, or something of the sort, to show you're "taken."
Me myself, I've been with my guy for close to 3 years, and I'm 19. I'm not ready for a "real" commitment yet, like marriage, so I'm perfectly happy with a promise ring. Sorry to babble, but if you really love the guy, I think it's best you either scare him into shaping up, or get him to open up about where you guys are at.
Good luck!!
2007-02-10 18:45:55 · answer #5 · answered by Kittiness 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
well...
1) dont drop him b/c he is lazy
2) tell him to meet you half way or take the big step and dont do anything. just be as lazy as him and tell him that he can do it or look at it
3) if that doesnt work. then sit him down and talk about it.
4) if that doesnt work then be prepared to fight and make sure you have a girlfriend that will let you stay at her house until he gets the idea
5) just so you know...not to freak you out...its proven that if you live with your "other" before marriage then the percentage of getting a divorce increases.
6) make sure that this is the "one" you can live with for the rest of your life. there will be good and bad.
7) GOOD LUCK TO YOU!
NIko.
2007-02-10 18:41:17 · answer #6 · answered by Niko 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If doing all this stuff gives you pleasure than do it. If you feel like you need him to help out a bit, just sit him down and ask him when and if he will help you with some things because you feel a bit overwhelmed at times and you need him to help you a bit, he will probably ask what can I do to help out more, give him a couple of things that if he does it, it will take the pressure off and you will feel better about it..if he loves you he will help you out more...Its all in communication and how sweetly you can put it and what does he get out of it, he gets more time with you to do what you guys really want to do, flavour it a bit, he will enjoy you and you will enjoy him more, better do these things together. Take care Heather
2007-02-10 18:41:22 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You should probably talk to him about it. Tell him how much you love him, but you are getting exhausted and need some help around the house. If he doesnt like that idea, then im sure you will know what to do. He may be willing to help out and if he is, thats great and congrats. Good luck to you
2007-02-10 18:40:17 · answer #8 · answered by sassy s 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
why don't u just ask him to meet u half way. I don't think he is using u because i think that u volunteered to do all those things on your own and since u never complain he probably thinks u like doing them. I do all those things for my man and i don't think he uses me, he works i don't so i feel like that's kind of meeting half way. anyway i am sure he loves u very much and appreciates everything u do for him you just need to tell him what he needs to do for u to help u out i am sure he want have a problem with helping u out, just ask him.
2007-02-10 18:40:16 · answer #9 · answered by ... 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you have to ask that question then you already know the answer. If you've been together 2 years & he still hasn't popped the question...he's getting the best of both worlds...a maid PLUS live in sex.
2007-02-10 18:37:48 · answer #10 · answered by itsjustchris1968 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋