what should i do if i feel that im not in love with my fiance ?

Question

i was engaged 2 years ago , im not in love with him , and i dont feel his love at all . the problem is that i need loyality in my future life , so i told him about my past relations , i cant do that again and im not ready to leave him , also i dont know what would happen if we stay together . the greatest problem is that he lied bafore alot , and i was really good with his family , till i discover that when they promise , they dont keep their word . i really dont know what to do

Answer 1

you should probably get out, and explore your understating of love a little deeper. engaged for two years and not married.... I'll go out on a limb and guess you wanted the engagement. now the main reason you are having a hard time leaving is a need for loyalty. it does not sound like you are in it for the right reasons, but rather that you have an unhealthy need for validation. if you don't love this guy then why did you get engaged? why would you get engaged and wait 2 years?

as for what you lists as the greatest problems.... sometimes you must let the past be the past. and while a persons family can be a good indicator of what you can expect, you have been with this guy long enough to judge him based on his own merits. you are not married, so if you do not love him, you do not need an excuse to leave.

of course, after two years, marriage could be getting closer, so this could be cold feet.... either way, you have some personal reflecting to do.

Answer 2

If you aren't ready to leave him yet, then give it some more time and see what transpires. You might be surprised at the things you find out. You can only grow from this experience remember that okay? I was once in this predicament while engaged, actually the entire time i was engaged and it went on for 3 years. We ended up married at the end of it all. YOu just never can tell.

Answer 3

whoohh there you need to back up. This is man you are going to marry ??? Do you not understand that marriage is a lifetime commitment. This is the person you will be waking up with and laying down with everyday for the rest of your life ? If you have these feelings then this person is not for you. Dont watse you time, money or stress over this. It is pretty simple really but you have to tell him about this so his feelings are not shattered in the future either. Trust me backing out now is alot cheaper then a divorce later. Good luck you know this is the right thing to do

Answer 4

Sounds like I have been through the exact same thing. I remained good friends with him and let me tell ya we have a better relationship now then we did when we were together. He and I have moved on since then but remained good friends. If there is lieing in a relationship then it's not real for either one of you. Grandma alway's said: you have one life to live and you ain't live'n till you love some one! and she's right! I am with a man I completly love and I have never been happier! Good luck and follow your heart.

Answer 5

Certainly, do not marry him if this is how you feel. You will be setting yourself up for divorce court later. You need to be honest with him, and especially to yourself. You really don't want to spend your life with someone you don't really love do you? You've heard the saying "follow your heart" and in this instance I think that you really should do that. Don't worry about everyone else thinks. You have to do whats right for you. I don't understand why you are not ready to leave him, if you do not feel his love, nor do you love him. You deserve to be loved and respected by someone who really loves you...don't settle for less. Don't stay in a relationship just because it's "familiar", or you have a fear you won't find anyone else, or you are afraid to be alone. It's well worth the wait to find someone who you truly love and loves you. Best Wishes..

Answer 6

You need to move on. You need to be the bigger person. You need to understand that it is over. If you do not take the first step you will probably regret this huge move in your life(Marriage). The part about the family I understand . You need to be a strong person and I know it will be difficult for you to take charge of the situation but you need to. Don't end up in a relationship just because everything is a ready set up for you ....
Don't think about it just do it"
"Good luck"!!

Answer 7

I'm gonna tell you like this if your not happy leave! It is a new year! It might be hard because feelins are envolved but life is to short. You might be waiting forever trying to get this person to act the way you want too and meanwhile your overlooking Mr. Right. Trust me I've been there and after years i realized she wasn't the one. Turn into Beyonce... Too da left too da left!

Answer 8

Hon if you are not in love with your fience you have to break it off. Tell him you love him as a friend but he is just not what you are looking for in a relatioship. If you sit down and have a real heart to heart talk you will realize if you really want him or if you don't and as for the family you can't change them you can only talk to your partner and love him for who he is, or part because its not what you really want. Remember life is too short to live with regret, if this is not what you want do what you need. Take care Heather

Answer 9

love changes. people aren't perfect. it takes some work to make a relationship work long term. you need to find a way to renew the sparks between you.

start by taking some time to reflect. consider what attracted you to him in the first place. people often forget to keep in mind the good about their partners. this alone can create new interest.

you can use this helpful tool by John Gray, author of Women are from Venus & Men are from Mars, to find a positive approach to patching up your differences:

http://predictions.astrology.com/orc/gray.html

have you talked to him about your feelings? communication is important if your going to try to keep the spark going in a relationship.

above all. be true to yourself. find loyalty & love in people who are trustworthy. be trustworthy yourself.

good luck. happy valentines day.

Answer 10

ohhhh so much information yet not good detail!! if youre living in the past with all this 'stuff' then youre not being lovable maybe.
if you left your fiance and restarted with someone new...do you think youd eventually be back in a couple of years asking this question ...or if you begin living for today do you think in a couple of years you and your fiance would be in a better place?
your question and content make me crazy! yikes! think positive and work on the positive things in your life please. good luck, peace