How would you feel?

Question

I'm recovering from an illness. It'll be a slow recovery. I'm alone all day. I asked my mom to visit with me for 2-3 days to give me some emotional support. She said she "couldn't"-- didn't want to leave due to my loser brother (age 44) living in her house- said she was afraid of what he might get up to if she left.
Ok. Fine. I told her a few days ago that I'd taken a turn for the worse and was feeling pretty bad. I asked her again to visit, but she ignored my call. Now I find out that this weekend she's gone off to stay with my 2 aunts for a fun weekend get-together- shopping, outings, dinner, spa-things.

(I used to spend one week every month at my mom's to help her after her cosmetic surgeries, redecorate her house, cook for her parties, etc.)
How would you feel?

My mom's retired, fit, divorced and single

Answer 1

I am so sorry. I know how you feel. But you can't do anything about it. Your mother is a selfish person. She thinks about her needs only. Is just an excuses about your brother. She goes to have fun and shopping but helping you is too bored... Don't count on her about the emotional support because she will just disappoint you and you will feel worse then you do already. Talk to a friend how you feel and don't let her effect you emotionally.I don't know how old you are but keep in mind that in this world you make you happy is yuorself and not what is around you. You are the only one to make yourself a better person and feel better about things, don't wait for people to do that or you will live miserable and anhappy. Good luck and have faith in God

Answer 2

If you were looking for sympathy, many folks here have given you some, so I will not add to it.

What I do want to say is this: Mother-child relationships are very complex. Rarely do people tell the whole story of what's going on
between them and other family members.

The way you wrote about your relationship with your brother shows that you have anger and contempt towards him ("loser brother") and anger with your mother for catering to him (more than to you?)

Perhaps what is going on right now has been going on in various guises for much of your life. Sibling rivalry can be a real issue in many families.

You appear to have a good relationship with your mom, if you were spending a week with her a month you are obviously close to her, and she to you.

Perhaps your mother is tired of being a "mom" to demanding children. Perhaps she really wants to retire and have some time to herself. Maybe she should have talked to you about this more, so that you would not be so surprised by her behavior change.

Some of the other advice given here is sound. You need to develop a support system that does not rely so heavily on your mom. Friends, other family members, etc its up to you.

Rather than seeing your mother as selfish for not catering to your needs, recognize that you are the one making the demands of her. That could be considered selfish by some. I know you won't like this part, but if you have been sharp-tongued and demanding with other family members, that might explain why they don't want to spend as much time with you.

Bottom line: I think you could be helped by some counseling, because you have a lot of unresolved anger and grief issues. You are deflecting the anger and blaming others for not caring for you. The reality is, if you weren't so angry and emotionally needy, people would not avoid you the way they have. You really need to do this work for yourself to recover your emotional health.

Sorry if my message seems unsympathetic to your plight, but actually I wish you well, and hope you get better soon, both physically and emotionally.

Answer 3

I really feel for you. Recently I was living with my mother until I was left home alone for several nights and someone broke in and took advantage of me if you know what I mean. My mother told me that she does not believe me and is angry because the investigators cut the cushion off of her sofa and that is all that she is really worried about. I have since moved out but my mother keeps calling me and harassing me. She tried to say that I stole all of her towels from the house and a bunch of other things. She really does not care that I am hurting and just wants to never see me again. I can totally understand where you are coming from. It sounds like your mother has her priorities wrong. She needs to take a look at what really is important in this life but many times that does not happen until it is too late. I am very angry with my mother right now as I am sure that you are. The other thing is that I feel very hurt by my mother and feel very unloved and unimportant to her now. It is a very hard thing to go through and I am sorry that it is happening to you. Please hang in there and try to get some friends to stay with you if you can.

Answer 4

The definition of a mom (dad) varies from person to person. I've always believe that a situation concerning your parents is one of best lesson given to us of the dos and dons with your own children. Pls don't hate nor disregard your mom. What's important to you now is for you to recover as much as possible. You have someone more powerful than your mother. God. Don't look for her to do what a concerning parent would normally do, and it doesn't mean that she don't love you or even care about you, but it appears she has already set her priorities

You've spend time as a good Christian daughter with your mother when she mostly needed your assistance and you will continue to be there for her when you are physically fit! But sometimes you can act as an educator yourself, and perhaps this is what your mother needs.

Buy a small bear and attach a note to it, have it sent by mail carrying company to where She have to sign for it. So let her know that a special gift is coming for her, so your brother won't get his hands on it as well.

In your note write something like this...

"Mom, my feeling was hurt when you refused to be with me in my time of need, but I want to let you know that I still love and I care about you. It's ok, I have God to be with me always. When I am physically able and if you need my help just let me know, and I will be there for you. Pray for me! I love you."

Personally I think you are a good daughter and I understand your feelings. Right now you have your own personal priorities and that is get well. Open your Bible and read passages from Psalms, but when you recover praise God always. Good luck.

God Bless

Answer 5

What a crappy mother. Sounds like she is not interested in being your mother. She is selfish. Nothing else to say.
I have a sister-in-law that sounds like her.
You poor thing. Find a good friend and the next time she asks for your help say "What?"
Your brother is home living with mommy at 44? Wow! That is not good.
I feel for you. Get out and try to meet some other people. Start going to church.

Answer 6

That's awful. I feel really pity for you. =\ I feel sorry for your mom because she doesn't know how dumb she seems for not being there for you.

I would stop thinking about your mom if I were you. You're writing as if she is the only one person who loves you, and the only person you think can support your emotional needs. She isn't. There are many more people that love you and would be there for you, but they might not know it yet. =\ You should consider thinking more about recovering, and being in control of you and your life, instead of how angry or so you are at your mom. Afterall, we're just human. :)

Answer 7

I would feel abandoned and that sense she doesn't care enough about your situation, particularly since you said she ignored your last call, and went off to visit your aunts.

Personally, I would ask a few close friends to stay with you instead, and if I was in your place, I'd stop tlaking with my mum for all the support she has not given you.

Answer 8

you forgot selfish. Your mom's retired, fit, divorced, single and selfish.

There isn't a good answer, other than you need to develop another support system. Maybe one of your Aunts would stop in to visit? Then THEY could red a*s your mom for being such a bi*ch

Good luck.

Answer 9

It sounds like your mom is in total "Me" mode. If it doesn't benefit her she is not going to do it. And that is a sad excuse for a mother.

Don't let it stress you out you have your health to deal with at the moment.

Answer 10

you know what let it go my mother has her issues also I just do better then my sisters either way it goes and I feel great about myself. I have a house good job and a wonderful husband my sisters are unwed mothers and they have dead beats for baby daddy's I am sorry that you are sick but now days you have to rely o self nobody else