Should I Contact the Girl I Fell In Love with?

Question

This girl I worked with I fell in love with. I have known her for three years. She has always wanted to date me and I felt a huge connection to her, I'm pretty sure she did to. She told me that she loved me a couple of times and I never responded. I felt the circumstances warranted that I couldn't tell her how I felt. I woke up in December realized that I might never see her again. I panicked and tried to contact her. Apparently she never ever knew that I had really strong feelings for her. I sent her a letter where I spilled my guts to her and apologized. She never got it, I thought she did and I totally screwed up. I scared her probably because she never knew I had feelings for her, she never got my apology letter, when I contacted her it coincided with her turning the age of consent in my state and I went a little overboard. She doesn't want to talk to me, probably cause I scared her. Should I try and contact her to get closure?

The reason why I never told her how I felt was cause she worked for me. I was afraid of the entanglement of employee employer. I am leaving for the Marines in September and I was afriad to leave loved ones at home worrying about me. She is graduating high school, I'm graduating college. She needs to perform in high school in order to get into a good school, her family can't afford it I was afraid I would **** with her if we had a long distance relationship as I have seen so many fail while I was at college with damming effect to both parties.

The only reason why I tried to contact her is if she felt half as shitty as I did when I left for the school year I had to apologize. She told me that she was her parents mistake and it makes a lot of sense when I look at who she is (she is a top athelete, and the valedictorian) she is always looking for someone to complement her. I think she trusted me a lot, I didnt want her to think that I hated her.

Coincided with age of consent dude. I didn't fall in love with her till about a year ago. I had been her friend for three. I never came on to her. She always PLEEDED with me to be in contact with her outside of work. She told me that she LOVED me three times point blank. I also know that she had a huge crush on me the entire time. When I contacted her this December she put up a signal that only I would recognize because she always said it to me whenever she wanted to date me. I'm four years older. She is going to be 18 in six months if I'm correct.

I have seen every ounce of her body that has not been covered by underwear. She has grabbed by *** a half a dozen times. I had to pry her off me everytime I was at work. She always wanted to hug and touch me. If I wanted to just screw her I probably could have already.

foo__dd : Part of me does feel like a dirty scumbag. Thats why I am so torn. Every logical bone in my body says no while my heart says yes.

Answer 1

you can try but your chances is slim. sometime when a girl have put a road-block on you. you go nowhere. you can just forget her and move on.

Answer 2

"coincided withe her turning the age of consent"?!?!?!

no wonder you scared her. you harbored dreams and aspirations for three years towards a minor?! how old are you? (I'm guessing significant age difference, as you were too old for her before.)

i suspect you have a certain level of crazy going on here. also of concern is that your actions were don in a panic. and that panic was in response to her leaving, causing you to act as if there was more significant between the two of you than there was (that there never should have been because she is too young!!!!)

i would say you need to let her go, and you should seriously consider some professional help.

to aditional deatails:
so you guys are only what 4-5yrs apart... not as bad as it orriginally sounded but still a little creepy as you have known her since she was 15yrs old. (personally, i could date a younger girl, but not if i knew her when she was a kid.)
ok, she is getting ready for colledge, you are just out, and getting ready for military. long distance does not work. military is especially bad. many guys make the mistake of rushing into a serious relationship before joining. the outcome is long distance girlfriend, which almost always fails, or a marrigae that is rushed into too quickly to bring her with.... and that is the primary reason 75% of millitary marriages fail... they should never have happened.

do your tour, give time for you both to grow up, and let life happen. if you get out, and she is ready, more power to you. odds are you will meet someone new, and it will be a better relationship because it won't start with pressure already there.

thank you for the additional details, you do otherwise sound like a stalker... now i understand the situation better.

to last point....
while the creepy part you feel is just healthy self doubt, the real issue is that it won't work out. the age and the fact that you are both at completely different points in your lives is only part of it. i know from personal experience that when you are getting ready to make a major life change like joining the military, you often exaggerate what you are leaving behind. (that is why this factor was so important in clarifying your motivations.) by attempting to pursue this relationship now, you are putting unrealistic presures on it. you would be garanteeing failure by going after her right now. you are both at a point of change in your lives, and your paths are simply not going the same way. they may cross again one day, but right now is not the time. till then, chicks dig a guy in uniform, so see what else is out there.

if you want to appologize, keep it simple. just explain to her you are going through some changes, you are confused, and you got out of hand. don't push for anything, don't say you want to keep in touch... just say sorry.

Answer 3

Yes, but not now. Give it some time and then only in a way that clears up any misunderstandings. Keep it positive and go with whatever she wants to do. Even if she doesn't want to talk to you, this can still be a golden opportunity for you to show her how you handle yourself with grace. That plants seeds for down the road if her situation changes. She'll remember how you put her feelings first and how she was under no pressure. Good luck!

Answer 4

And how do you know for sure she never got your letter? Because she told you so? Just wondering, what if she actually got hurt by realizing that you have strong feelings for her but you don't have guts to make the move until you've got frightened you might never see her again ... Not overly sensitive towards her feelings, seems to me you are only considerate and gentle towards yourself and your possible hurt ... sort of selfish maybe ...?

Answer 5

I think that for now you should maybe lay low for a while. Because if you really think you scared her then she probably won't want to hear from someone who thinks you are crazy. You seem sweet, but if you keep shoving yourself on her it might not end well. Just wait a while then try again.

Answer 6

Stalker

Answer 7

A hundred times yes... Why do guys keep doing things 'à contretemps'? of course you have to, she's perhaps just waiting for you. Take your chance, go get her, and be kind to her... Good luck

Answer 8

I think you should at least call her and tell her you are sorry. I am sure you must have offended her because if you were a friend of mind I would expect one, and I would feel hurt.

Answer 9

You at least need to set the record straight, otherwise she may never know. It might not change anything, but at least it won't be a cloud hanging over your head.

Answer 10

yes you definitely tell her because if you don't, you'll be very restless and have this heavy feeling about you and you'll just keep wondering what would've happened if you didn't tell her.