I was with my bf for about 9mos. He lost his dad 3 weeks ago. We talked at least once a day. I thought he was handling the death poorly, but I didn't expect him to break up with me over the phone. He stated that he can't handle any relationships right now, and that he just doesn't want to be with anyone. I was really shocked because I had been trying to do everything for him to get him through. I thought this was supposed to bring us closer. I went to his place to get my stuff right after we hung up (bad, I know). We got into a fight, and he just tells me that it's over and that we can't even be friends. I was in complete disbelief. He looked like complete crap-thin, unshaven, etc. I asked him if this is what he truly wanted, and he said yes. I know he did this in anger, but I don't know what to do next. We are both 25+ and had talked about marriage (and VDay the day before!). I know he's depressed, but he refuses to get professional help. What should I do? Call? Leave him alone?
2007-02-10 06:56:56 · 8 answers · asked by Luella370 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
You can be there as a friend for him.
It's not a question about the two of you as much as it is about him and his grief.
People take a lot of time to grieve over a lost loved one (I assume he was close or may have had a fight and not had the chance to make up)
Time heals all and some people just need more of it.
If you are still interested then continue the friendship.
Try involving other friends of his (and yours). Sex, relationships, etc are probably the last thing on his mind. He needs to keep busy so as to think less of the death and more on what's going on around him.
Ask him how you can help and be there for him when he decides to open up. He will appreciate it in the end. This is not a question about YOU and YOUR relationship but you certainly can help him.
2007-02-10 07:05:32 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
He probably feels like he just lost his best friend and dad all in one. and yes he probably said this out of anger. He doesn't feel lovable a the moment and thinks he is not worth anything right now. Get him a really nice care or send him a letter and tell him how hurt you are that he is hurting. Tell him you love him and that people stick together through the rough parts. Tell him his dad is up there watching over him and is unhappy because he is so sad. Tell him that you will give him all the time he needs and when he is ready please call you and have a little chat and encourage him to express his feelings for his dad. Take care Heather
2007-02-10 15:03:31 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Be there for him even if he doesnt want you to be there, its his depression and anger talking. He just went through a major emotional stage and he doesn't know how to control it. Give him about a week then call him up and just simply ask how he is doing. Do not pressure him to get back with you cause that will just cause him to run the opposite way. So just be there as a friend and make sure he knows u are there for him and that you do love him, but dont ask to get back together. Just talk to him every now and then and check up on him and make sure he is okay. Even if you order take out from a restauranta and pay for it obviously but send it to his house and call in a few hours to make sure he got the food cause u figured he wouldnt be eating cause he had no time stuff like that. Be carrying dont focus on your feelings I know that sounds harsh but you are not the one who is goin through major trauma its him so focus on him for now then when he is okay focus on both of u.
2007-02-10 15:03:00 · answer #3 · answered by TOokieTook 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Give the man a break! He just lost his Father and he is taking things ONE HOUR at a time. He will come around when he has had time to work through his grief. The last thing he needs is some pushy, over-bearing, g/f breathing down his neck. Sorry..
2007-02-10 15:00:37 · answer #4 · answered by Kbear 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Leave him alone. If he doesn't react for a couple more days, he either don't like you anymore (because you can't trust someone this days) or he is just a little depressed. But after I read your story there I'll say kick him to the curve girl.
2007-02-10 15:05:22 · answer #5 · answered by juanatjtorres 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You cant expect him to act a certain way about the death of his father, that is simply unfair. "He is handling the death poorly" isnt sensitive and I am sure he is picking up on that for sure.
If you arent willing to give him the time and space to grieve, he is better off without you, in my honest opinion.
2007-02-10 15:12:49 · answer #6 · answered by banderson 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you are going to have to leave him alone. give him time and space. losing a parent is very difficult whether you are close to them or not. when he is done grieving he may call you. don't be pushy if you see him on the streets. smile at him to say hello. if he doesn't come back then you know it wasn't meant to be. but don't wait around for him either.
2007-02-10 15:02:49 · answer #7 · answered by maggie 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Leave him alone, I am afraid you can do almost nothing right now, so move on slowly ( I now it hurts like hell, and is not easy) ...but if he broke under pressure, do you really want to marry him and take care of all future hardships in life trying to cope his moodiness and lack of inner strength all by yourself ...
2007-02-10 15:02:50 · answer #8 · answered by Vesna G 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋