Just needing a bit of help please...?

Question

Well, im a 16 year old girl. My parents recently divorced and i didnt realise, but looking back i feel as though i've changed alot and im not who i used to be. I lost my virginity and drank alot for a while - and my College work is'nt very good lately. I used to be so good and i was one of the brightest in my year. I just feel like im a totally different person than i was a year ago. I feel like i've been used by people and that people make misconceptions of me before they know me. My question is - how can i be good? I dont seem to care about much anymore - what should i do to become a better person?

Answer 1

i take it your parents divorce has hit you hard. you need to find focus in your life. what do you want outa life? Its hard to do this when your world has fell apart. Your parents have thier life too and so do you, they have made thier decision and so must you. Im sure they both care for you as much as they ever did and both still want the best for you. even if everything seems too much you need to throw yrself in2 something, keep on the good path, if in doubt throw yrself in2 college work. Getting drunk just clouds your judgment and is a tempory escape. you are not alone but have been given the open opportunity to make your own way in life. take it, do well at college and become whatever you choose to be. you are young and vunerable at the moment, do you no any older friends that you cud talk too, college counseller or tutor, we all lose our way at times, get a little depressed and are totally unsure of where we are going or where we want to go, you need to set yourself goals and work toward them

Answer 2

You don't say with whom you are living right now but I guess it's Mum. Depending on the relationship between you and Mum, she might be the best person to confide in.
You are at a very vulnerable age and must take great care of yourself because the future is now more important than the past and you will regret not having taken the right course of action if rash and hasty decisions are made right now.
Do you have a close friend in whom you can trust to be discreet? If so he or she might be a source of great help.
You are 'mixed up' at the moment but, believe me, this will disappear - but you will have to be willing to make this so.
If you are a Churchgoer, there will be someone there to help you. If not, seek advice from a relative or friend, as I mentioned earlier and explain your feelings fully and without inhibition. There may be one or two raised eyebrows on the subject of your involvement with a member of the opposite sex, though I doubt it these days. You are above the age of consent and don't mention anything about the consequences so that is in the past.
You will get through this but you must also get the confidence you lack supported by someone close to you.
I have a Daughter aged 35 and I know just how she felt at your age. She is now married and has a very good job, has no children but maintains two dogs and a cat that give her both pleasure and pain! All in all, be yourself, be confident, look to the future and get that little bit of help to restore your confidence. Good Luck.

Answer 3

Who says you are not a better person now??? I think everyone goes through a time where they just don't care about anything. It may have something with your parents getting a divorce, because you are probably thinking that you are the reason for it. Well, you are not. Even though your parents got the divorce, you still probably make them proud, whether they admit it or not. You cant let it get to you. You just need to make yourself get to the point to where you can pay attention in school more and get the grades you had before you parents split up.

Answer 4

My heart goes out to you little one. I don't think striving to be a better person is what you really want to be doing because you are already one. By recognising your shortcomings you know what you need to do to change the person you have become. That is if you want to. There is nothing to define what a 'good' person is. You have been through a rough patch recently and it has impacted on your personatlity. There is absolutely nothing you can do about what has happened and why it happened. All you can do is try and improve one little thing at a time if you so wish. I can say that drink never solves anything. It gives you temporary respite as well as the dangers of illness and addiction. That is the last thing you need if you are looking to change. You need to be in control of you faculties so ditch the booze straight away. Talk to your parents about how their relationship has impacted on you and let them know that you are suffering. You are their child and they should be looking out for your best interest. Talking is the key. I believe that you are a good person and someone who cares enough to want to change. That is the first step and I wish you all the best.

Answer 5

Usually the way you socialise as in the fact you drink and had sex, is because of the people that you hang round. If you really wanted to change, the best thing to do is to change who you hang round with - You could say to your friends that you're not coming out all the time they ask and then they will eventually give up on seeing if you are to come out. So when you change who you hang round with, they must be less anti-social as your past friends. You can't change the fact that you have had sex, just think of it as a mistake and something that should not stop you from for-filling your life. If you have a drinking problem, see someone about it (family/college staff/etc). Stick in at college, do your best, pay attention in class and ask if you are ever stuck!
Your parents have divorced from eachother, it isn't the end of the world. Just try and see each one every so often and they will be happy! ;]

I wish you the best in changing your lifestyle! :)

Answer 6

I think you're already doing it.

Asking this question shows you don't like who you have become and want to change. Talking to people can help, but the main thing i would suggest is having confidence in yourself to get over this stage of your life.

Don't have any regrets about it, just try and distance yourself from people and things you think are connected to your behaviour.

You just need to know in yourself that you can change yourself and be whoever you want to be as long as you are happy in yourself. And don't worry about other peoples misconceptons of you....people have misconceptions of me all the time and i have just learnt over the years to make myself even better each time as a way of proving them all wrong

You can do this too. Hope this helps at least a bit, good luck with everything x

Answer 7

sounds like you have some issues
id try counselling, might help you get those issues out and make you a better person!
my mate went off the rails after her parents divorced and because her issues were never addressed she still is (14 when divorced - 22 this year)

Answer 8

Well all i can tell u dont start going crazi just because your parents got a divorce its gonna be alright .i know having your parents divorced is'nt the easiest but dont start doing stuff u know your parents wouldn't want you to do when they were together.

Answer 9

My daughter went off the rails when her father died and i found it very hard to communicate with her. She found talking to a councillor helped her. I understand how hard it is for you having your parents split up, you may feel like it is your fault in some way, just as my daughter felt guilty about her dad dying, but please don't think that, talk to your mum and dad about this as i'm sure they don't realise how much it is effecting you. Good luck sweetheart i'm sure it will work out for you.

Answer 10

Congrattulations and welcome to the world of adults where we realize what weve done is wrong and we work the problems to put it right why not talk to either of your parents and /or a tutor at college its not to late to turn your college grades around good lick