How not to invite children to our wedding reception ?

Question

We are getting married in July. The invitations are being put together at the moment. The problem we have is that we have a number of cousins we wish to invite, however, they have children and we do not wish to invite them.

It is not that we have anything against their children, it is just we wish to keep our wedding to our budget.

A relative suggested we put a letter in the invitation explaining this, but we are finding it hard to get the working correct, so as not to offend them.

Does anyone have any ideas how we could word it ?

Thanks

GW

Answer 1

Say it is adult themed and not appropriate for children to be present.............

Or say children are welcome to the daytime events but not the evening reception

Answer 2

I would either say nothing on the invitations or as suggested Adults Only Reception. To be honest here in Scotland children of cousins I don't think would receive invitation unless it was a particular cousin who say was also your best friend so saw her/his children often. Possibly exceptions but this would be the majority. My daughter too is getting married July and it will be the cousins/partners. It could also all depend what kind of reception it was and the individuals budget. Often here cousins are not always even invited to the main meal but to the evening reception/buffet. There can be as many as 40 people+from the two sides with cousins and partners. Our forthcoming wedding is in a hotel, very good hotel but could be a much more extravagant a venue and taking in to considerations, arrival nibbles main, meal, drinks package, evening buffet it will be £65 - £70 per head. You do need to draw the line somewhere. I don't know anyone who would be offended at cousin's children not being invited but again probably differs from country to country. Guests are invited usually well, well in advance so have plenty of time to arrange sitters for children. If it is impossible they will just have to send a regret. You cannot have additional pressures if someone says they can't get a sitter, let their children go and it would just cause illfeeling with the others. Would these same people not find a sitter if it was an upsetting event they had to attend? Reading through your answers here think majority agree with your thoughts. Also should have said earlier that if you have little nieces and nephews you are close to they would no doubt be there. A weddding is a family occassion but when does the children of cousins be close family? Many people hardly know their cousin's children.

Answer 3

I took people's advice when I got married, and just addressed the reply cards Mr. and Mrs. etc. I actually had a few people handwrite their kids names right on them and send them back. I also had 2 people bring their kids (total of 7) w/o letting us know. No, I am not a child hater, but my reception was adult themed, I had live chamber music, there was no dj that the kids could run around to. Had to hire a babysitter and rent a room in the country club where our reception was to accomodate the children at the last minute. If I could do it all over again, I would have included at the bottom of the reception, "Due to limited seating (or Themed Venue) this is an adults only reception"

Answer 4

I have read that there is no right or wrong way to get this message across (thank god for wedding etiqette books!) The simple fact is that it's your wedding and you are allowed to invite or not invite anyone you would like. So just include a very nice note inside the invitation that explains due to past experiences in attending weddings, you have found that children have been, at times, a problem when it comes to the noise level during the most important part of your wedding, the vows. My book also states that if the parents get offended that is there problem. It is hard to not have somone come to your wedding b/c they are mad, upset, or babysitting circumnstances, but again, IT'S YOUR WEDDING AND YOUR DAY! You should have it the way you want it. congrats and have a great one!

Answer 5

I would just make the wording very sincere and even apologetic, say you don't mean to hurt or offend anyone, but you truly can't invite absolutely everyone you'd want to, due to budget constraints. I personally wouldn't want children at my wedding for no other reason than that I think their behaviour would ruin it unless they were exceptionally well behaved. Some people will be upset at their offspring not being wanted, whatever you say - and don't forget it's entirely possible that some people might ignore what you say and bring their children along anyway.

I noticed one person said there was no reason for children not to attend the ceremony - that's the very time I wouldn't want them there. I've attended weddings where children have banged hymn books on the pews throughout, tossed hymnbooks in the air repeatedly, run up and down the aisle, run round and round the couple and the priest whilst they were saying their vows. When I married, my brother warned me that a. he and his wife wouldn't attend my wedding unless their daughter, then aged four, came too, and b. if she came, I "would have to accept her behaviour whatever that was, because that's what four year olds are like." So we didn't invite them at all and they wondered why! It's not a majority opinion that children ought to be invited to weddings whatever the feelings of the couple involved (??!!!!!!) however I have found it a majority opinion that parents who think like that "are disgusting and should be ashamed of themselves."

Answer 6

This is more common than you think.
An all adult wedding is becoming very popular, so don't feel that you will be offending your cousins. If they have children, chances are they have already been through this for their own weddings. They will know how difficult it can be to keep to a strict budget.

Wording your letter - Honesty is the best policy, let them know that it is only your budget that prevents their little ones attending.
If you give them enough notice to get a childminder, you'll be surprised how many people will be pleased to let their hair down and not be on parent duty.

Don't feel guilty - It's your wedding day after all.

Answer 7

We also wanted an adult-only reception. We used word of mouth to get the point across, and didn't put a note or anything in the invitation.

We ended up with 2 children at our wedding: a 2 year old and a 6 year old. The people who brought their kids knew it was an adult-only affair and did it anyway. We didn't have a plate for the 2 year old, but the 6 year old got his own.

The 2 year old was miserable and so were her parents, while the 6 year old had a great time. His folks (my aunt and uncle!) kept him occupied and kept him close.

If people understand etiquette, they will understand that family isn't included if you don't write "and family" or the kids' names on the invitations. I think it's bad form to put "adult-only reception" or anything like it on the invitation.

Answer 8

Hmmmm....it's a tricky one. Are you not inviting kids to the ceremony or just not to the celebrations afterwards? I can't see why not to the ceremony but I can totally see why not to the celebrations afterwards. I have a 4yr old and under no circumstances would I take him to an evening reception. I just wouldn't want to upset his evening routine. Plus I know if I did, and he got tired, he'd be hellish to deal with. And I don't want that for me or for the wedding party.
I've had to decline a few evening receptions for that reason, whether or not my son was mentioned on the invitation. As a pointer, if my son was not mentioned on the invitation, I would take that to mean he wasn't invited! But I wouldn't be upset about it. After all, the wedding day is YOUR day. If I don't get upset that my son can't attend either because he's not invited or because of my own reasons, then I don't expect the invitor to get upset if I decline.
I think maybe talk to them beforehand and just say you're ever so sorry but you can only afford for the adults to attend and that you want them to really enjoy themselves without having to worry about running around after the children. Wording wise, maybe even put a handwritten note in to the same effect. To be honest, those that are worthy of your invite and who know you well enough should not be offended. Budget wise, it might not be possible, but could you build in a little kinda souvenir for the kids (not that kids would miss it, but it might appease the parents more)! Something like a little piece of the cake & a balloon.

It's your day, don't sweat it...don't worry about what others think...just go enjoy it ...and good luck!

Answer 9

Just put sorry no children allowed ,..at church or reception if it is in church, if people want to come bad enough they will get a sitter if they dont come that is not your fault ,have your day just as you want it, as much as i love my grandchildren i understand why people dont want children at weddings there is nothing worse than a screaming kid in church as it echoes like mad, and the reception is ruined by kids running round on the dance floor,i have been to many weddings over the years and i must say the wedding i enjoyed most of all was a wedding that also had no children allowed on the invitations ,it was a great day ,dont forget it is your day not theirs ,congratulations and enjoy your day.

Answer 10

Most people don't invite children to the reception, I am not. let them know this is a time for you guys to celebrate and to make it a date night for them as well. If your cousins want to attend your wedding they can find a baby sitter. This is your day and you need to not feel guilty for having an event that wouldn't be appropriate for children. I also had a friend who paid a baby sitter to come to her wedding and took the kids into another room, all the parents chipped in to pay the sitter. Either way, be honest and jsut let them know this is an event for those 18+ for budget purposes.

Answer 11

On the outer envelope address it to Mr. and Mrs. and on the inner envelope put their first names (eg.. John and Jane Doe). The omission of their children's names indicates that the children are not invited. Remember it is your day so don't let anyone give you any grief about your choices! If you are close to the cousins let them know your plans for no kids in advance so they have ample time to make plans for a sitter. If you are not close with them then don't worry but I'd have your (or your fiance's) parents talk to their parents to let them hear of your plans through the grapevine. If you get a reply with the kids in the count, nip it in the bud and call them. You may have to compromise (either they come with the kids or they don't come at all). You can ask your caterer to see if you can arrange for a kid's meal at a reduced price if you choose to make an exception and keep in mind that there are some people who will ignore your wishes for no kids and at the reception there isn't anything you can tactfully do about it.