Mother-in-law comments anyone?

Question

I'm curious why so many of us (woman & man) don't get along with our Mother-in-law's. Most of my friends complain about their Mother-in-law. That includes me too. Even man friends complain. Do you all think maybe its us and not them. If so tell me why or why not. I don't want foolish answers please, only helpful answers. Good & helpful answers can improve our relationships with our M-I-L. I feel I am a good wife, mother, and a very respectful D-I-L so there should be no cause to dislike me. How does one get on a good side with their M-I-L?

Answer 1

I think it is because we are not on the same level with our Mother-In-Laws. Like if your going to do something she might have a way to do it that she believes is better. Since she is (more experienced?) she feels we should always do it like that, or else it will just be wrong. This is just an example of course, but I think some Mother-In-Laws do feel that way. They are older and more entitled to do what they want.

Not that long ago it was my daughter's first birthday and I wanted to bake her very first cake. I knew my MIL would want to bake one too because she does for everyone. So I asked my husband not to be rude to her but just let her know that she doesn't have to bake a cake because I was going to do it. This was what I wanted to do for my daughter because my Mother always did it for me, and I found it to be very special.

Well, she did not like this at all. She yelled at my husband and said that if she wanted to bake a cake she would, and she doesn't care what I want. It turned out to be this big argument because I had some how taken something away from her. Which she said, "I am her GRANDMOTHER, and I am allowed," and my husband said, "Yes, but she is her MOTHER."

I was very upset thinking I had just done something really wrong. So I was going to just let her have her way. Then I came up with the idea to bake the cake and take it to her house with the baby. Trying to do everything I could to make things better. I think she still looked at me like I was being really harsh to her, and I was not happy at all on my daughter's birthday. I mean the whole visit was terrible, she acted like she did not want us to do the cake there anymore. We actually left and went back later to see if she wanted to do it then, and she finally did.

I am sorry this is so long, but this is the most difficult experience I have had so far with my MIL. Then in the end I had no idea why it had occured, and I ended up feeling like the worst person in the world.

Answer 2

Hi Shalei..Like u said most people have problems liking their mother-in-law...no exception for me...Sometimes its the M-I-L and sometimes its us on the fault.
M-I-L can be very demanding.If u r not up to their level,she demands more...and if ur great she will look out for the slightest mistake u made and will try to compare u with how she gets things done. like how u clean the house,how u prepare coffee and so on.Sometimes its simply just becoz she's being over protective...and maybe she and her own M-I-L had a very bitter relationship.
Us on the other hand sometimes,try to impress our M-I-L too much.That's when things starts to go very wrong.Maybe she's happy with the way we are and doesn't need to be impressed.
I happened to have a very bad starts with my M-I-L,we had this very big fight about something very2 silly.Simply becos she misunderstood me.From that day on wards I've tried to make her understand my intentions before i make any moves.And tell her how grateful i am to have her son as my husband.I thank her every now and then for raising my husband to become the man i love(talk about impressing)...and sometimes i just ignore things she said that could make me feel really bad,but advices-yes i listen to her advices-sometimes...hahaha.Her sharp tongue-ignore is the best solution...Just stuff ur ears with tonnes of cotton balls and when she's thru,she'll stop.Now we are in good terms.No not good,GREAT!We talk like friends do,shops,travels...Well she still irritates me sometimes but like i said,ignorance is the best solution.
Sometimes its best to try to understand ur M-I-L by asking her siblings or her mother.
Good Luck to u and hope u find a way to get along with ur M-I-L..Take it easy...

Answer 3

I think I know the answer...Mothers are very protective of their kids..it's a natural thing. We we marry someone Else's kids it almost becomes like we are stealing away their kids. Even if they wanted them gone lol. My Fathers Mother during his wedding cried and said "she lost a son". Unfortunately she was very difficult to get along and was the epitome of bad mother in law. On the other Hand during the same wedding my mother's mother replied to her "I Gained a son" and she was the kindest mother in law ever. My Father liked her better this his real mother.

Answer 4

I had an excellent relationship with my mother-in-law (God rest her soul), but consider myself lucky. Not just lucky that she was not interfering and always nice to me, but just to have known her. She was a really great lady.

Perhaps one of the reasons she was so good to me is she realised I genuinely loved her and respected her, and I didn't just show her respect out of some misguided sense of duty. We didn't see each other all the time but when we did we hugged each other like mother and daughter. We shopped together and even went on vacation together once. I always called her "Mom", never by her first name.

Treat your mother-in-law not like she's just your husband's mother, but like she is your own mother.

Answer 5

After 11 years I have given up on trying to get on the good side. I've finally accepted that as long as my husband loves me, then mission accomplished. In my case, my husband comes from a highly educated family of money, and turned out to be a high achiever himself. I came from and accomplished everything "average". And he married me at 23, which, of course, never goes over well with the rents. But, my marriage is good. so, just focus on your husband and your kids. I'm sure you will build a great family of your own.

Answer 6

Oh God no it's not me LOL....my mother in law is the mother in law from Hell! It started years ago after I had my daughter. I suffered postpartum depression. I went into the hospital for treatment and my hubby was staying at her house with our kids while I was getting help. After I was released I called over there so he could pick me up (around 2pm) and she refused to wake him up. She told me I was selfish and I only cared about myself and he would end up screwed up like me...

On Christmas we got into a fight that year because she confronted me when I was alone in a room and she started in on me...she called me a b i t c h and got me very upset when I had been suffering from severe insomnia and anxiety. She got the rest of the family to believe I started the fight and everyone sided with her because they didn't hear what was said.

Years later (2005), she started treating me like dirt again when she found out I was having side effects from a medication I was on. She hated my depression and mood problems so she turned on me. She made alot of nasty comments about me and began treating my husband like a child. She tried to use guilt to make him feel bad.

Last year she was so vindictive because I had stood up for myself and my husband that she sent me a fridge magnet for Xmas or Xmess as I call it. She gave my hubby a $50 gift card and a book about how loved he is. She was trying to get on his good side yet she sent me a magnet!!!! So I sent it back dismantled (hubby actually sent it) and he included a note about how badly she behaved and how she hasn't been a good grandparent to her grandkids either....

I have tried very hard to reconcile with her in the past. I put our differences aside before for the sake of my hubby and kids but now I have determined that she is toxic...she belittles her son and treats people with mental health problems like dirt. And she never wants quality time with her own grandkids...

I don't think you do get on the good side of a Mother In Law....unless you have a degree in brown nosing...

Answer 7

I understand. It's like the epitome of mixed emotions when you see your MIL driving off a cliff in your new Porsche.

Answer 8

she wishes she was young and had her life ahead of her like you do, she is jealous and wants control of something, don't give in to her, i never did one bad thing to my mil-and she always hated me, although i am a good wife and mom, ignore her and be happy, do not give her the power to make you miserable, this is what she desires POWER.Just be courteous but don't confide in her as if she were a close friend.

Answer 9

sorry can't help. my MIL/stepMIL both suck, and are not even welcome in my life. getting along great with out all the dysfunction and toxic behavior.

on the flip side, my husband and mother get along great. my mom really likes my husband.

Answer 10

Don't even try!!! They think no one is good for the sons just respect her for who she is his mom