How can I gently dicipline my boyfriend's 11 year old son?

Question

How can I gently dicipline my boyfriend's 11 year old son?
I need advice on how to say no without feeling mean, and how to provide little guidances on things that a single father doesn't notice, and I can't look past. Like picking his nose, talking with a mouthful of food, and respecting other people's things. I also need to set certain privacy boundaries. I just feel very uncomfortable telling him what to do, even though I am the "adult in charge" every night when his dad is at work.
I'm 24, I'm now living with them, and it's a big change for me (and everyone concerned). I do a lot around the house, and a little appreciation goes a long way, but the child doesn't openly show any, and it's frustrating. That's a big issue for me, the lack of appreciation.
My boyfriend is very open when I bring up issues, but I would hate to bring nit-pickey things up every single day. I want to be able to handle these little things, but still let him deal with the heavy parenting.

Answer 1

11yrs is a tough age! Sounds like normal 11yr old behavior. As "Dad's Girlfriend" the discipline is best left to Dad. Bring up these "nit picky" issues with your boyfriend. If he doesn't find this to be real issues, then let them go. Don't try to change things, you can't. You are coming into their "territory."

If you want to be happy, and make things work out well, you have to accept the things you can not change. Make suggestions, but don't be irritated if your suggestions are not taken!

Good luck hunny! Your in for the ride of your life! It'll be fun, just takes some getting use to!

Answer 2

Step One - Decide what the 11 year old needs to do to earn your respect and appreciation. You are the parent, and he needs to realize that. Do not try to be his friend or buddy while dad's away. His friends will not be your friends. Write down simple rules, for example, doing homework.
Does he actually work on it? Praise him. Does he breeze through it? Nope, that won't do. He needs to learn to earn. As corny as it sounds, some kids areraised with the concept that they are SO smart and find life SO easy that life will give them a home and money to live on.
This is the worst thing a parent can do. He must realize he needs to fit in to achieve results in life. Some parts of life will be a form of self expression. Others are disgusting by most standards, (picking his nose) and nobody will consider such a kid as mature or responsible.
Once you have your list, BEFORE you give it to hom, go over it with Dad. Was there something too harsh? Talk to him and make certain he will back you 110%. Then both of you talk to your son. GL!

Answer 3

The child's father needs to sit down with the both of you and let son know that you are going to enforce the rules when he is at work. At 11 years old, he needs to understand that dad has picked you as the new mom and that you have the right to whip his *** if he gets out of line.

Step parents always go through this when dealing with older children in a new relationship. Don't give in and make him respect you. Make dad make him respect you.

Answer 4

I am a stepmother of two teens.

One thing that is most important is that you and your boyfriend agree about the rules. Talk to him first about everything you have on mind and the two of you need to make a plan on rules. Then you all sit together with your stepson and HE has to tell him that some rules need to be made clear and what those are. He also needs to make clear that you have the right to enforce those as well.

Dont make any rules without involving the boys dad or even bring thise rules up without him.. the boy will resent your for it

Answer 5

Repititious responses can get VERY annoying, even to children. You could make up a line or saying that you say EVERY single time he does that, and it may not work right away, but over time, it will get the point across. My brother used to say the word "like" much too often as a 10-yr old, so my mother would just verbally correct him or tease saying "and then i was like, and then she was like, and then it was like" and by the time he was 11 or 12 he stopped. Maybe anytime he picks his nose, you can say something really cheezy such as "geez, you're gonna grow up to be a coal miner, aren't you?" anyway... Good luck.

Answer 6

You dont! That is the answer. It isn't your place as "girlfriend" to do anything! His father should be parenting him and correcting those problems, if he isn't then you should talk to him. the 11 year old is going to take it much better from his dad then "the girlfriend" You have to understand that children don't want someone telling them what to do that put them on this earth, much less the girl he's dating. Start by being his friend and then take the aproach of you and I are on the same page. as a friend not parent figure try to handle the problem.

Answer 7

You have no more authority over your boyfriends child than a babysitter, however you have every right to expect him to discipline the child when he smarts off to you or acts up with you. As far as "nit-picking" goes any good boyfriend or husband knows that just because something isn't important to them doesn't mean it isn't to you. But be sure to pick your battles.

Answer 8

Leave the discipline to your boyfriend.

If you're going to start nagging and correcting the lad,
he's going consider you the "mean" girlfriend and someday
you might be the stepmom...

Good Luck.

Answer 9

I don't think you should be living w/ your boyfriend when he has a child. What kind of example are you setting for him, he will grow up thinking there is no need to commit to a woman in marriage, just move her in, and if things get bad, move her out. He is getting free sex,house free house cleaning and free babysitting, what are you getting? Certainly not stability. And discipline? Ha, who are you, just his dad's latest girlfriend. Let him raise his son and move out.

Answer 10

I am a step mom, let your boyfriend do the correction of the boy.