When is enough is enough for parents?

Question

I have a 18 yr old son. He wants to come home. However, I am skeptical on letting him come back. He has stolen from me in the past. The last time I let him come back was a month ago. He stole some things from my boyfriend. Which he is more understanding than I am. Yet, he also stole a bracelet from me. Which I later found out that he gave it to his girlfriend. He is not on drugs(This I am sure of) I just don't understand his taking from me or others. If there is anything that he need or want I would give it to him. Now he wants to come and I do not just trust him. I have not told him that I do not want him back in my home because of his stealing. But I love my son and I do not want him to think that I do not love him but I just can't deal with the stealing. My heart is breaking over this situation.

Answer 1

face it momma, time change, people change. then way your story goes sound like your son only wants to come back for his benefits. maybe there is something he wants. like money and what not.

did you tell him that u knew he stole ur bracelet? if not tell him, and tell him how u feel about that. tell him its not the bracelet but what he did. the principle of trust.

Answer 2

Right NOW is the point where "ENOUGH is ENOUGH" -- and given that he has already STOLEN Property from you, that he is NO LONGER a Minor, and that he needs to get the ADULT CONSEQUENCES of his ADULT 'choice' to STEAL property from you, your boyfriend (and maybe others?) ...

Then use your TOUGH LOVE and KEEP him out of your home!

He has ALREADY Proven that he can't be trusted ... and situations like this (where he is committing crimes) can NOT be tolerated or supported or be 'enabled' in any way ...

So take it from this Long Term Single Parent (and one who is now an Empty-Nesting Single Retiree), whose own Adult Child (who she had problems with!) actively and WILLINGLY helped with MY EX to BURGLARIZE my HOME in August 2006 -- well ...

I DID file the Police Reports, I DID demand that Evidence be taken (and stored), and I DID demand that Charges be filed and they BOTH be Prosecuted to the fullest extent of the law!

The ONLY way the Adult Child is going to learn that this is NOT acceptable Behavior (and I know WHY they chose what they did to STEAL -- it is a very familiar situation -- so you are NOT alone here) and that this is a CRIME ... and will entail PUNISHMENT when they are found GUILTY.

Deliberate Actions were taken when he CHOSE to STEAL from you both. DELIBERATE actions were taken when YOUR Jewelry ended up on his Girlfriend (wow -- what a callous thing to do -- put the jewelry he stole from his mother onto a girlfriend!), and NOW .. he needs to take consequences.

DO NOT be a 'hotel' he can steal from again. TELL him you don't mind him calling you, you will talk to him, listen, and yes, continue to love the son you had, but ...

DO NOT LET him in YOUR HOME again! You can't afford to enable his POOR Choices.

Answer 3

He may have a disorder called kleptomania... the impulse to take things that are not his. Or he may just be a punk. I know you love your Son, any Mother would. He is an adult now... start treating him like one. Tell him you are apprehensive about allowing him to come back to your house because he robs you blind and you are not going to tolerate it. He is old enough to be held accountable for his actions. Treat him like any one else who would steal from you and file a report with the police. It is called tough love and it sucks because it goes against every ounce of your being that wants to protect your son from the "big bad world".

I am sure you would rather lovingly deal with this than to have him decide one day to knock off the local bank for the thrill and then be looking at really hard time, a ruined life and possibly death if someone were to shoot during the robbery.

Loving our kids sometimes means doing things that hurt a little for a while to prevent something bigger that would hurt a lot more. Love him and support him but keep him at arms length because he needs to earn your trust all over again.

I wish you and your family the best of luck. I pray that you are able to make a choice that helps all involved. As a Mother, I cannot imagine the hurt you are feeling right now.

Answer 4

Its tough love, I know this is easier said than done but what other choice do you have. Maybe if you make him support himself and have to buy the things he wants he will have a better understanding how hard things are to come buy and respect you. Tell him NO and stick to your guns. You say you are so sure he is not on drugs but how do you really know. Why would he be doing so much stealing. I would reconsider this and seek professional help. Everyone that i know that does this much stealing is stealing for a fix! Good Luck

Answer 5

Your son obviously has something going on in his life that you don't understand or know about. His stealing from you is a definate symptom that a problem exists, but your not talking to him about it is'nt helping the situation for either of you. You're enabling his bad behavior, and denying him the opportunity to come clean about it and discuss getting the help he so obviously needs. I suggest that you have a serious talk with him ASAP, and don't even consider letting him another opportunity to steal from you. He needs help and guidance and counts on you his parent to provide it.

Answer 6

You know that this a tough question to answer, but, I will try to give you some advice, it is up to you if you want to take it. I feel for you, because I have seven kids, who are all married and families of their own. I dealt with a lot of problems with them, but, not as serious as yours. I know for a fact that kids get insulted when a parent denies them with whatever it is they are asking, and sometimes that creates some problems. I had to deny my two, sons access of their father's tools because they never returned them and to add insult to injury, they let their friends borrow them and those friends do not return them, so, who is the loser here. my suggestion to your problem would be to tell your son, that he is your son, and you love him a lot, but you will not let him live at your house because of the previous encounters you had with him.he knows that he did wrong but to him it is a way to get easy money, so if you let him into your house to live, he will steal again from you. He has to fend for himself, and the only way you are going to accomplish it is by letting him grow up, and start being a responsible man. Tell him that if he truly loved you he would understand that you are doing it for his own good. Good Luck, and I hope that you will make the right decision. I care.

Answer 7

You are his mom, if he can't come to you in times of need who can he turn to then?
Let him back in tell him the conditions of your house and talk to him and ask him why does he feel like he must steal from you. Maybe if he asked then you would be more giving, or maybe he has no money to get what he wants. Atleast he gave it to his girl and not some pond shop. So talk to him and lock your stuff somewhere just as a back up. Tell him if you catch him stealing then he would get kicked out. But do let him in your house he is your son.

Answer 8

i am so sorry that you have to deal with this, i know how your feeling my bubba has stolen from my mom and granny before and it tore my mom apart and she didnt want him back in the house which tore me amd my sister apart, i think that its a decission that you have to really think about i know you should bnever turn your back on your child but if he keeps dping it and doing it then there is nothing else that you can about it, see as far my bubba my mom told him i dont trust you and it breaks my heart to say that and i do love you but if you come back and steal from anyone then your out he came back and never stole anythng from anyone and i am so prpoud another thing is you need to figure out why???? he is doing it??? good luck and pray about it!!! and again i am so sorry that your going through this??? take care and you can e,ail me anytime!!!

Answer 9

if you are that dead set against it, dont let him move in. hes an adult. your him mother. be his mother. tell him the truth. you cant let him move back in because you dont want him stealing from you like he has in the past. he will get so mad at you and call you alot of names, but he needs to learn. he wants to be an adult well its time to let him. stealing and lying are not acceptable in your house. period. just make sure you tell him how much you love him and you hope that someday he will be able to understand your point of view.

Answer 10

Let him know what you will accept and won't, tough love is hard to dish out and does cause gray hairs, but stay true to your convictions, he is your son and you will love him no matter what, but he is now 18, and has to deal with the ramifications of his actions and respect you and what is yours, that's it, nothing else.