they have been divorced for 6 yrs but still my bf of 5yrs allows his exwife to controll him.now he LEFT her for an old gf(not me) maybe its guilt?he said no she (his ex)drove him to cheat because she was so controlling.she would take him back in a heart beat so he does not regret his decision.when i asked him why he says hes doing it for his childs sake which maybe so as he does love his child dearly but i feel theres more to it than that.can anyone tell me why my bf would be so nice,accommodating,helpful to her when she was so nasty to him when they were married and now treats me like a doormat?and no hes not doing her on the side i know this for sure.
2007-02-10 04:02:56 · 7 answers · asked by jmark0908 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
Whether you like it or not, when there is a child involved there are always concessions that must be made. And too, this woman is always going to be in your lives to some degree. You cannot change the fact that these two people are parents TOGETHER. There's going to be school functions, problems, dating, marriage, babies..........
The woman treats your boyfriend the way she does because he allows it. He probably doesn't want any more harm done to the child, so he takes whatever she dishes out. This may continue until the child is of legal age. He did get out of the relationship, so give him credit for that.
Stay away from this woman as much as possible. And if you can't deal with this, find another boyfriend.
2007-02-10 05:07:22 · answer #1 · answered by weddrev 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
How he treats his ex wife and how he treats you are two separate issues.
What do you mean by she controls him? Control should not even be an issue with a divorced couple. They do not live together and I'm assuming they have no other obligations to each other but the child. There isn't anything to control. What you say is control is probably just him being a good father and role model for his child. It doesn't matter what happened in the marriage. It's irrelevant to the here and now.
He is making a good relationship with his ex for his child. My ex husband and I help each other out ALL the time. One weekend when he had the kids and one of them got sick, I ran to the store for him and got medicine and soup so he didn't have to lug them all out. We take the kids to doctor appointments and school functions together. If I am sick and my fiance is working, my ex will either take the kids home with him or he'll come sit at my house and help. There is NOTHING wrong with that sort of relationship. It is GOOD FOR THE CHILD.
As far as YOUR relationship with your husband..... if he's not treating you like you expect, say something. Change it. If it doesn't meet your expectations, then maybe it's time to seek other avenues. Honestly, it sounds like you're a little jealous of the ex wife and the child and you're being hypersensitive about his behavior towards you. You think that he should cater to you the way he does to his child. It doesn't work like that. Now if he's ditching you on date night to hang out with his ex, yes, that's a problem. But I really don't see that in what you wrote...
2007-02-11 20:05:43 · answer #2 · answered by luvmytbear 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Maybe he just feels like if he isn't nice to her she will keep the child from him. He can prevent that by going to the courthouse and getting visitation set up throught he courts.
As far as her treating you like a doormat...be the bigger person and keep smiling in her face and keep trying to be nice. This will ultimately make her toss and turn at night while you are sleeping easily because you have tried your hardest to befriend her. If it is him that is treating you like a doormat...you need to leave him. You don't deserve that! He may be having feelings that she has changed and thoughts of reconciliation. You should talk to him about this.
2007-02-10 04:32:15 · answer #3 · answered by KJ 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You somehow have to understand that his first obligation will always be to his first wife and family. If there are things you don't like about that, then maybe he's not the one you should be involved with if you can't handle the entire situation. It's not for you to judge, it was and is his life.
2007-02-10 07:34:02 · answer #4 · answered by Lydia 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He is just trying to be a good guy to keep peace for his child's sake. Relax.
2007-02-10 07:35:40 · answer #5 · answered by dirkdiggler9999 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
that is your own opinion and you have no idea of what the details are in the relationship because they are only one sided.
2007-02-10 05:56:13 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Because he is stil afraid of her.
2007-02-10 06:28:14 · answer #7 · answered by Mommy-of-Twins 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋