ok so im not talking to my mom any more?

Question

ok im not talking to my mom any more cuz i have gave her sooo many chances to make things better between us and she gets worse every time so i am donetrying and my dad knows it and he understands why i am so close with my dad but me n my mom just dont click we never have and we never will so is it wrong to not talk to her any more.. cuz when i do it ends in yelling and screaming and i cant take the stress any more sooooo is it the right thing to do????????

Answer 1

I think you should stop presenting giving chances for her to make it better, instead give yourself chances to make it better. Even just sit down and talk with her and both of you recognize that there is a problem that needs to be addressed and that neither of you are doing anything to help it.

Answer 2

The key is "why" does it end in yelling and screaming? My guess is that you and your mom argue about right and wrong a lot. She thinks that things that you say and do are wrong, and you then fight back. It devolves into arguing, and then yelling and screaming. Try this: when your mom says something that you would normally oppose her on (one of her "you need to do ________"), just don't oppose her. You don't have to actually follow her suggestion. You just say, "Hmmm... okay, mom, you make a good point. You may be right." And, then you quickly move on to another subject. And, you have to do it sincerely. You can't be snotty with her, or she'll keep pressing. The key is to diffuse the situation. She wants you to see things her way. She wants to be right. So, tell her that you do see things her way. That doesn't mean you actually have to do things her way, you just acknowledge that she has a good point. Then go do what you want. Let her be right. Just because she thinks she's right, it doesn't mean that you are wrong. And, you don't have to "win" - it makes no difference if she ever sees things your way. You just resolve in your own mind to agree to disagree.

Understand?

The whole idea is that regardless of your battles with your mom, she is your mom. Unless she is really abusive or hurtful, she is probably just trying to get you to do things that she thinks is right and good for you. She's probably only doing things because she loves you. Acknowledge that love. Tell her. Ignore the parts that piss you off, and mention the parts that don't. Say, "mom, I really liked that Christmas present you gave me.... jus wanted to let you know." (even if you didn't). Say, "mom, is that a new dress? Pretty nice" (even if it really isnt'). Say, "thanks for making dinner mom." Lot's of thank yous and compliments.

When you think she's saying something to you that bothers you, ignore. Just respond, "I'm sorry mom, I'll try to be more careful," or "You know, I haven't thought about it that way before. You might be right."

If you do that a few times, you will disarm her. She will soon have a conversation with your dad about how you've matured and that finally she feels like you two actually get along. And, enlist your dad's help. Not overtly, of course. Just tell your dad that you really love your mom, and you know she means well, and that you are going to try to not do things that upset your mom. That will make your dad feel good, and will be communicated to your mom as well, and she will then interpret you as being sincere.

Even if you're not sincere now about it, if you do those things, you soon will be. You will find your relationship with your mother changed and improved. Suddenly, whether your mom thinks your skirt is too short, your boyfriend is not good for you, your room is a mess, etc., will all seem like trivial and unimportant things of the past. After all... she might be right.... right? (and if not, who cares?)

Answer 3

Your actions are entirely understandable. It is true that a mother is something every girl needs, and someday you may find that you want to get to know her again, but if it isn't working now, it's okay to cut her out of your life. You have odviously tried to make things better between you two, and that shows a lot. Sometimes people are just different. You are your own person, and even though part of you came from your mother, it doesn't mean that you are going to be just like her. Your story is a common one. Many people are in the same situation as you, and if you can't get through to her, it is no use in trying. I think you have made a wise decision.

But, remember that your relationship with your mom may not always be this was. People change. Give it time.

Answer 4

Hi cowgirl,

I know how frustrating that can be, butlisten to this, I am 40 and NOV., 3, 2006 I lost my mother unexpectedly at the age of 61... I had a lot of issues with her in my past, and went to therapie so that I can better understand why I was the way that I am, and why my MOM was the way that she was...

What I learnt was that my Mom did not know any other way, so how can she give you the recongnition that you so truly deserve... Just remeber that Mom probably never got recongnition, love, encouragement and so on herself, so how can she give you something that she does not know how...

I found the best way for me was :

** to meet at a nice restaurant ( cheap or not), and focus on the issues not mom... Because it might be Mom's doing it, but I know you love your mom, Reaaly though your Mom is not the problem it's her actions.. If iI were you, I would attack the problem and not mom...

It's all in the way you put it:

** If you say " when you do this it makes me feel>>>,
Then your mom will becaome on the deffensive as she will feel that she has to defend her action.. ( This is what I mean by personal attacks)..

** Now if you say " when I get yelled at it makes me feel like I am in the way,, and then I feel like I might as well just go away..I really do not want to cos I love you very much and I also know that we are worth it...

See this way, it sounds so much more positive, comforting, and loving..

There are ways to say exactly how you feel without attacking people..We just need to focus on the issues..Most people are not aware of their ways, and the best way to teach them is by showing them..

Hope that it helps, and good luck...

KATT

Answer 5

I was like u too before.. until one day i found out how lonely my mon is when she sees me and the rest of the family members are so close.. much better communication with her. I felt im so wrong that i shd be the one making approach to her instead expecting her to give me a better approach. It takes time, i believe u love your mon so does ur mom too. So put in more effort afterall u are the daugther. When she sees your effort she will change too. Also remember keep your cool.. be patience. I trust u can do it, or else u won't be concern how to solve this problem. All the best then!

Answer 6

Never the right thing to alienate your mom. She may act crazy but that's because she is at a loss for how to communicate with you. A time-out may be in order. There's a point in your life where you have to make distance from your mom - she is really the most important person in your life - to become yourself. But do not make a permanent rift. That would be devastating for both of you. In time, you will form an emotional truce. Not talking for awhile can be a good thing.

Answer 7

I've seen this scenario many time before. The problem your facing is that you both have to be right all the time. While your dad is a great guy in your eyes, He's prob. way more passive..Lets you be right just so he doesn't have to argue over every silly little thing... My advice would be for You and your Mom to grow up a bit before it's to late. Learn to give a little.

Answer 8

Mother and Daughter relationships are one of the hardest to understand. I am the mother of a 23 year old daughter and believe me we have had our fights....but I would die if she just stopped talking to me. I know the reason that we fight is we are so much alike it is crazy. Sometimes you just have to let things go. You have to ask yourself if it is worth the argument...is the battle worth it. Yeah....I understand that sometimes distance is good but is this not worth it to you. You two are just not understanding each other....do you know what kind of life that she had growing up? How was her relationship with her mother or what was her life like in her family growing up?
I know that once I was able to talk to my daughter about my growing up we understood each other better.
I grew up with no mother and my grandmother raised me and it was a hard life. My father just dropped me off and left. I tried really hard not to let that effect my raising of my daughter but it did. We worked thru it and we are great friends now. We understand that we are two different people and that we each have opinions.
If my daughter had just walked away from me then we would not be where we are today. Of course that is the way my family delt with fights was to just walk away and I knew that that gets you no where so we HAD to figure out how to fix it.
You might have to give in a bit and so will she. In the long run it will all be worth it.

Answer 9

Hello ,
though I don't understand the real reason that caused that problem , at least I wanna quote the words of Bible that Jesus ever said 'forgive and love your enemies' (as I can remember ,it should be like this ...)
just hope you'll know or understand how to deal with this thing....

and hope your family is filled with happiness and peace
Good luck !
Have a great day !

Answer 10

i am female. well let me see if you are shy that has nothing to do with how you were treated. you were abused and that is sad. back in the older days that did happen and the spanking and stuff were the norm then. but there is other things that you go also. i am sorry this happened to you but you have ot learn to get over this and start new seeing a doctor could help and make you feel better about yourself. its like hey you have t learn to grow now. by yourself.