i see my child 1 a mo. mom has her grounded from games my wk end should i honor?

Question

grounded for wasting food at mom's . we live in different cities.child is 9.

Answer 1

I have joint custody with my ex (they are with me for a week then with him for a week), they are 13, 11 and 9. The way I see it, I have explained to them that I do not run his house and he does not run my house, however I DO expect proper behavior from my children no matter where they are, just as I would if they went to a friend's house to spend the night. That being said, when he has issued a punishment that overlaps with my time if I felt it was reasonable then I enforced it. If I felt it was unreasonable or it did not fit into our routine at my house then I discuss the behavior and issue what I feel to be a more appropriate discipline here. They still have consequences (as I am trying not to undermine him) but I am still in charge of my household. When something has happened here that requires a discipline that would overlap his time, I explain to the children what the consequence is here and that I will let their dad know what happened. I call and tell him what has happened and what I am doing about it here. I ask him to at least speak to them about it.

And in case you are wondering...no, I don't have a great working relationship with my ex. We usually try not to have to speak to each other and when we do it is strained at the very best. This has seemed to work for us though.

Answer 2

She's grounded for wasting food? Did mom make her a big plate of food and then your daughter just didn't touch it? I think you all should get together and have a discussion letting the child know the rules at both houses. Not necessarily should you honor mom's rules because it was her decision to ground her your weekend. Mom could have told your daughter "Ok, you wasted food, when you get back from your dad's house your grounded from games." Being that it's your weekend with her, mom should have no say what you do in your time together. Just my opinion.

Answer 3

With divorce, the best thing for children is when the parents support each other and are a team in raising the child. This often doesn't happen because the parents weren't a very good team together or they wouldn't have divorced. But it would be best for your child if you and the mother can agree on how to handle things and they are the same rules and punishments at both houses. It's difficult to do, but you need to work with the child's mother in raising your daughter. Good luck.

Answer 4

Yes you should!!!! You might be divorced...but you are still this child's parents! Don't play the push-over dad!!!! Because she is 9 and believe me women do learn alot from there fathers', they learn how to flirt, they learn how to turn on the tears and get what they want out of men, basically that is where they learn how to manipulate a man to get there way!!! Don't give in to this... because if you do now then it will just get worse..
Plus...put the shoe on the other foot. If she did something at your home and you placed some type of restriction would you not want her mother to honor it as well...

Answer 5

If games are a big part of your routine, I'd say no. If you have a good relationship, talk to her mother and tell her why you think it's not good idea - but ask if you guys can come up with an appropriate punishment to honour at your house. For example, no television while at your house - it's still punishment, but it's not going to effect your time together. You should probably honour some sort of punishment, though, or your life is going to become 'good cop, bad cop'.

Answer 6

Talk it over with her mother; explaing that she can still be grounded when she returns home, but this is your time and you'd like to make the best of it. If her mother doesn't agree, try to make plans that don't involve games. See a show, go skating, shop, ride bikes, take a camping trip, go swimming, skiing, snow boarding, crafts, paint & redecorate her room.

Answer 7

I think the mom should only punish for her own home. I am separated from my husband, and I would never tell my kids they could not watch TV or something at their dad's house for something that was between us. I think the punishment needs to fit the crime, and the crime was not committed at your house. I would discuss the matter with her mother however, and express your concerns. I think it is unfair to you and your daughter, and this may be your ex's way of making you the bad guy.

Answer 8

You may no longer be together, but you still need to be partners when it comes to parenting for your child's sake. So yes, honor her mother's request. If she's grounded, she's grounded - no matter where she's staying. Otherwise she'll learn to play you two against each other fairly easily...and you don't want that.

Answer 9

Yes, you should follow through with the grounding... parenting is about teamwork.
If you don't get on the same page now... you are going to have a lot of trouble on your hands in a few more years.

Answer 10

if you only get to see your child once a month then no you or the child should not have any restrictions on your time. the childs mom can continue the grounding when the child is back home. if you saw the child more often then i would say honor the restriction but only once a month you and your daughter should be able to do whatever you please.