What should I do if he lies?

Question

I have been in a serious relationship for three years with my boyfriend. I have found out that he has been secretly smoking behind my back. This may not seem like a big deal to you, but I am strongly opposed to cigarettes and he knew that when we first started dating. I have caught him with cigarettes at least ten times and everytime he says that he promises he will never smoke again. So he'll come home and smell like smoke, but swear that he wasn't smoking (but he obviously was). He says he lies because I will just get mad and he doesn't want to get in trouble. What should I do? I can't stand being lied to and it just keeps happening.

Answer 1

kick his .a.s.s. and dump him if he lies to u

Answer 2

Pick your Battles Wisely. Cigarettes are an addiction. Other than the obvious of getting mad at him and since you can not stand being lied to, have you offered to assist him in getting help to quit? The majority of smokers, can't quit until they are ready. It is hard to be ready if there is NO support. Rather than having him feel he has to lie so you don't get mad at him, get involved and understand an addiction to cigarettes and how to overcome them. If you two are in a serious relationship and can't support one another; no matter what the difference, then how serious do you feel the relationship is? the two of you need to give 100% all of the time. If yo think that relationships are 50/50 then where is your other 50% going and his other 50% going?

Answer 3

Well if I was put in you're situation I would sit down and talk face to face to him alone. And tell him why it bothers you so much. Maybe he'll listen and if he don't make him suffer a little if he loves you he'll stop. But here's how to make him suffer a little next time you smell smoke or catch him smoking just act ok about it right then. Then later don't talk to him make him see that unless he stops and realizes what his actions do to you then you guys aren't going to be happy! Tell him he has a choice and that you need Respect. Good Luck I hope I can help you with this advice

Answer 4

I hate to tell you this but he probably really does want to quit, and he just either doesn't know how or he has tried already and failed. I honestly believe he is keeping it from you because he doesn't want to lose you. If you strongly disagree with smoking you can offer to help him kick the habit, or you can always give him a choice cigarettes or you. I usually hate making someone choose but that may be the only way to get him to stop. Also tell him that lying to you is just making things worse, just be honest and maybe you can help him quit.

Answer 5

You should probably let him know that you can't tolerate lying- no matter WHAT the lie is, if he's lying, there are deeper communication issues going on in the relationship and he needs to realize that you won't accept that kind of behavior.

You could talk to him and let him know that you are strongly opposed to smoking, but you are willing to help him find a way to quit and work WITH him if he is willing to stop lying to you. You may be able to work together in that way...

Yeah he may fear your reaction, but that is still not an excuse to lie to you. He needs to be honest, period- it sounds like he does love you and he may be trying really hard to quit, because he knows you want him too, but he may be having trouble. Cigarettes ARE really hard to quit for some reaosn...so, if you could just get him to be honest about his progress in quitting, that may be a good place to start...

just let him know that you're very serious about the lies needing to end...because if he will lie to you about one thing, you never know what else he will lie about.

Answer 6

I think you should have a serious sitdown conversation with him Explain to him that you do not like being lied to. Tell him how much his smoking bothers you. Just be honest with him. Honesty is the best policy. Trust me you can get through lies and get past them. In my life I have been lied to enough and I learned that I had to forgive the people and move on. Forgiveness is a powerful thing. I wish you all the luck. Take care and I hope I have helped even if just a little bit.

Answer 7

Understand that it's hard to quit smoking. I smoke, and some people might be able to just put them down and never do it again, but some people can't do that. It takes time, and while he shouldn't be lying to you about it, he doesn't want to lose you for something he can't easily quit. Help him quit by understanding he's having a hard time, and give him the support he needs. Maybe buy him some aids to quit smoking (patches, gum, there's even prescription pills).

Answer 8

You actually have two choices. Help him to quit smoking, ie.. the patch, or one of the other quitting aids; or you can leave him. Smoking is an addiction, and not easy to quit, but it can be done. I'm fighting that demon right now, and am using the patch. Good luck to you with whatever you decide. For what it's worth, if you love him, try to help him!

Answer 9

there's such a thing as lying in love {not literally}. see, there's one thing u should know dere is no smoker dat will be honest with himself and has tried 2 stop dat found it easy, {ishould know, i am one}. he might want to stop but apart from d fact dat it is not easy, his friendz might be encouraging him tacitly by smoking. what u have to do is not to get mad at him, cos if d craving hits him, he just might go back to smoke, and end up getting u mad again. rather, try 2 see how u could help him cut down on d habit by reducing d number he smokes and see if u could make him realise dat if he loves u enuff, he should not jeopardise ur relationship by continuing in dis, BUT, pls, try not 2 make it seem like u're asking him 2 choose between u and d habit. i wish u luck.

Answer 10

wow.well, if he was committed to you from the start, he may have listen. no offence to guys but some of them will never live up to their potential or their word. he also is prolly having a hard time dealing with the ciggaretts and you. maybe you should suggest a rehab place. if he really care about his future and his relationship with you, he'll listen...
he'll finally do the right thing if he listens to you and will change his life and change the way your relationship it and how you look at him. what doen't kill you makes you that much stronger.

Answer 11

Smoking is a REALLY BAD habit to break and maybe if you want to stay with him you need to except that he smokes or move on. My fiancee smokes and I don't like it but it is a part of him and if I love him and want to be with him then I need to accept it. If you cannot accept it, then it is time for you to move on. Good Luck!!