I'm 14 and my bf wants to *go further*, please help :(?

Question

I'm 14 yrs old and I've been going out with a boy that I've known and liked since Yr 4 in primary school for a bit more than a month. He is 14 yrs old too. Lately he's started pressuring me to go further with him and do stuff like strip poker. He says that "everyone does it". I'm not ready for that sort of relationship yet, and he's making me really uncomfortable. I don't want to destory our friendship, but I don't think I can be in a relationship with him if he always wants to go further with me. I can't tell my mum because she would completely freak out. And I don't know how to make him stop or break up with him without it being really messy, painful and him ending up stalking me or something. I really need advice from someone who's been through this sort of thing. Please help. Thank you.

Answer 1

Of course he wants to go further - he's a boy.

You don't sound ready; 14 is a little young. Be honest with him and let him know if he really likes you, he'll wait.

Answer 2

First of all, if you aren't ready, then you shouldn't do anything. You should never do anything that you do not feel comfortable doing, and if he really cared about you, he would respect that. If you did do something more with him, and your relationship didn't work out, you might be mad at yourself for a very long time. You should tell him that he's making you uncomfortable, and if he still wants to go further, then he needs to do it with someone else. You can talk to your mom, and you will find that your mom has probably been through everything you are going through and she probably has some very good advice. She would probably be proud anyway for you feeling like you could talk to her, and for not just doing whatever it is that your boyfriend wants to do. Anyone who is willing to put you in an uncomfortable and rushed situation is not someone you want to be in any situation with. Maybe if you stay together for a long time, and you get to the point that you feel okay with it, then you can take it further, but it doesn't sound like this guy's going to wait around for that. Good luck.

Answer 3

I am 30 years old and I gave into pressure. I ended up with a handicapped baby as a single mom. Stay strong and let him know that you're not going to do it because you aren't comfortable with the situation. Let him know that you value his friendship and that if he really cares about you being his friend/girlfriend that he won't pressure you to do something that you don't want to do.

If you say no now, it will make it that much easier the next time that you have to tell someone no. It never just happens once. Be strong and stand firm. Even though he will be ticked off with you for saying no, other people will have more respect for you and know where you stand on the subject. My 17 year old step daughter gave in and now she's pregnant. It will ruin her life. Be assertive with your convictions. It may hurt for a little while, but it will be so worth it in the end when you don't have to regret something you did and wish, the rest of your life, that you could take it back. You can never go back. The decisions you make now will be there the rest of your life.

Answer 4

i'm 15 and comprehend how undesirable it may be to have a splash one while your fourteen.toddlers your will %. on you and probable your new child if there you're purely 14 years older then it. additionally your physique wont be bodily waiting and remains bobbing up and you will probable stuff something up. And do you incredibly desire to throw away your teenage years, while they're the a number of maximum suitable situations you will ever have. who's that this guy besides that's basic for him to assert that he will seem once you and each little thing would be very nicely yet threat is it won't and he will probable finally end up leaving you for another stylish and you will would desire to fend for your self and your infant. do no longer DO IT , via fact as quickly as you have it you cant provide it back and you will by no potential get those years back returned.

Answer 5

You need to be quietly assertive. This is a situation that you will quite likely have to deal with more than once in your life. You are both too young for this anyway and you say you don't feel ready anyway. If he's making verbal requests, quietly and nicely say "No. I'm not going to do that." Whatever he says, however he argues, keep repeating that until the message gets through. If he talks of "everyone" else doing it, say you're not interested in what everyone else does, they make their own decisions and you make yours. If he's actually trying to force the issue by touching you, then I would recommend you get ratty with him and shout "Get your hands off me!"

I also seriously recommend that you DO tell your mum about this because it's important. You can always start by asking her to promise to stay calm. There is nothing for her to be angry about, because you haven't done anything wrong (yet!) and her support may be crucial.

When my brother was a teenager, he offended his girlfriend by grabbing and shaking her in an argument. She reacted by ordering him out of her home immediately, and telling him not to contact her for three weeks, while she considered whether or not to continue with the relationship. I think you need to get similarly tough with your boyfriend. If you don't make him treat you with more respect now, he never will, and you won't get respect from other men either.

Answer 6

If you are not ready - don't do it. At 14 you are too young but if you go along with his idea of pushing things a bit sexually you will end up having a relationship which you will regret. If he really likes and respects you he will wait. The legal age for having sex is 16 but even then don't be rushed into it. Wait until you find the right person and only do it when you want to. Nobody should force you into a position where they expect you to have sex with them just because they want to. Be proud of yourself for not being swayed by your peers. It is easy to give in to pressure from friends. Don't give in. Keep your self respect. If it means dumping this boy as a boyfriend then dump him.

Answer 7

Sorry, but I think you'll find all guys are going to be like that for the rest of your life. If you don't have much experiance yet you may think your bf is a total perv but really, he's just like every other guy. You'll find that after a few boyfriends I'm sure. You should never do anything you aren't comfortable with and you're entirely too young for sex. Giving him a handjob every now and again might be something to consider though. I guarantee you he masturbates thinking about you. If you were to do it for him once in a while that would probably keep him happy, and you wouldn't actually be having sex and there's no chance of STD's or pregnacy. Just tell him up front you are drawing the line there and if he tries to cross it it's over.

Answer 8

if it makes you uncomfortable, it's not good for you. Period. Going further has to be a mutual decision, not something you are pressured into. Plus, you are still very young, you should be focusing in enjoying your life, having fun and discovering your world.
Just say no, and don't worry about destroying a friendship, a friend would never pressure you into doing something you don't want or are not ready to do. And if he ends up stalking you, you should tell your mom.

Answer 9

Congratulations,you sound like a very sensible and wise girl and there does seem to be a shortge of these around.If you don`t feel ready then don`t let him or any1 else pressure you.stick to your guns girl and tell him no and you don`t appreciate him trying to pressure you when you dont feel ready,if he ends your relationship then he was no good for you anyway.If he has any respect for you he`ll lay off abit and wait till you decide the time is right no matter how long that may take you.Goodluck and well done!xx

Answer 10

Only do what you are comfortable with. If you aren't comfortable with playing strip poker, then tell him no. Don't give into him and do something you don't want to. And if that's all he wants, then he probably isn't the right guy for you. But just tell him "no" or that you aren't ready. Theres nothing wrong with that. And if it gets to the point where he gets physical, and tries to touch you without permission, then I think it's time to tell your or his parents.
Hope this all helped. If you have any questions or just wanna talk about it you can IM me at Quailman530.

Just don't be afraid to say No to him.

Answer 11

you kind of know the answer to this dont ya sweetheart.
you've used words like 'pressuring me to...' and 'uncomfortable'.
these are ya own words so you know that the situation is wrong so thats half the situation sorted.
as for the being worried about how he feels and having concerns about your friendship being destroyed, i dont see him caring that much, do you?
if he was any kind of a friend he would realise that you are uncomfortable etc etc etc and STOP.
young boys are exactly that.....young!you are showing a mature attitude to this situation, so well done.
surround yaself with people you can trust and life is a lot easier.
regardless of how long you've known someone, if they abuse ya trust, they need a slappin and if they continue, ditch 'em.
it might be painful and difficult but you'll be the better person in the long run.


wait a few years.....then get it on with someone ya trust.
dont be in a rush, but you dont need me to tell you that.
you sound pretty clued up to me.

good luck darlin.