I separated from his father when he was four, his father has never really supported him or his younger brother who is 16 financially, never paid maintenance and has not even bothered when they have been sick. My son is in Uni now and is fed up that I am the only one helping him financially with his studies and also he told me that he is gay and I have accepted him with open arms as my love for my sons is unconditional no matter what but his dad has not taken it well at all. He has even stopped contact with him but not my younger son, this has hurt him a lot. Do you think it is right for my son to change his surname? He wants to have my maiden name.
2007-02-10 02:59:09 · 17 answers · asked by superstar68 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
I know he is an adult but I do not know if he will regret it in the future
2007-02-10 03:04:34 · update #1
If his grandparents on his father's side would have been there for them he might have thought about the change of them but they have not remembered at birthdays or christmas and now that his an adult he cannot understand how a parent can just forget a child is a responsibility.
2007-02-10 03:22:01 · update #2
To keep everyone updated on my question my son had a chat with his father yesterday as his father called to talk to my youngest son. My son told him how he felt and you know what his father said to go ahead he did not mind if he changed his name. That is all my son needed to hear to make a definate decision.
2007-02-11 02:15:21 · update #3
I say, go for it.
2007-02-10 03:02:19 · answer #1 · answered by dexter 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like he has his reasons for not wanting to keep his father's last name, and understandable under the circumstances. As long as he is legally an adult he can do as he chooses. Though you might want to suggest that he not be in a rush to do this. I would suggest that he considers everything that goes along with a name change (new driver's license, Social Security Card and other legal forms of identification and legal documents that may need to be changed/updated) and that he wait a few months to see how he feels later. If he still feels this way after a few months, maybe up to a year... I'd say he should go ahead and change his name.
2007-02-10 04:31:57 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hey mom, I'm gay and my father no longer talks to me either. I would have loved to change my surname when I was younger but glad I didn't. My last name is my heritage. I was angry at my father not at my heritage. My last name is who I am and had no bearings as to if I am to become my father. Tell your son, that it is his choice but to loose your namesake is very important. He is however an adult and if his choice is to change it to your maiden name, then support him, support him like you suporrted him when he came out. Let him know that wheter he is a smith or a an anderson, that he will always be your son and you will always and forever love him, no matter what. Sometimes he just needs validation of that. Good luck!
2007-02-10 03:17:19 · answer #3 · answered by Bobby T 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
My exhusband walked out when my son was four months. He's never paid the slightest bit of attention to him. My son doesn't need or want his father, but I have always wanted him to change his surname. To my name, with the word "son" added!
Like Sharonson. Because my father was an alcoholic and I don't want to be associated with him, either!
But he won't ... I'm impressed at your son's loyalty to his mother. Maybe his father will think twice.
2007-02-10 03:11:52 · answer #4 · answered by True Blue Brit 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He'll have to go to court and pay a small fee, but if he wants to change his name I don't see a problem with it. Why should he be forced to have the last name of someone who has not been a proper father to him? I say more power to your son :)
2007-02-10 03:03:56 · answer #5 · answered by Julia Sugarbaker 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He can change his name to whatever he wishes to, be honored that he has selected your maiden name. Depending on where you live there may be more involved - age requirements, legal fees and a court date. He will need to go through the process to find out what is involved.
2007-02-10 03:03:13 · answer #6 · answered by sagegranny 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think he sounds like a real smart kid.His father should NOT have the privilege of having this child honor his last name.That should only be reserved for fathers with unconditional love.
2007-02-10 03:06:27 · answer #7 · answered by heatherfarie 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
As long as he doesn't want to wear your undergarments or steal your makeup, I'd say it's OK especially since it appears that his Father wants to wash his hands of the kid in light of his homosexuality. You should be flattered; your efforts have paid off because he KNOWS who his true parent is, so he wants your name.
RE: additional details: If he regrets it in the future, he can just change it back...what's the big deal?
2007-02-10 03:05:45 · answer #8 · answered by mr.threethirtyfive 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Although there's one dud in the bunch, he should be proud of his heritage and his ancestors. He shouldn't let his father ruin that for him. My father did not support our family much and my stepfather ended up mostly raising us, but I still loved my grandfather and honored those who came before him.
2007-02-10 03:05:55 · answer #9 · answered by Joe D 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think it's entirely up to him, but I agree with him. I would go with a name I feel comfortable claiming as my background and family. Apparently his father hasn't lived up to that in his eyes. He should change it if that's what he wants.
2007-02-10 03:03:25 · answer #10 · answered by Nikki W 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He's an adult- he can change his name to whatever he pleases. If his "father's" name is meaningless to him, I say he should do what makes him feel at peace.
2007-02-10 03:05:42 · answer #11 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋