HELP me please?

Question

i have been in a rlshp for ~16months and for a year out of the whole rlsph it's been one problem after the other. we constantly argue and fight. (Its a long distance rlshp). i kinda ended things about 2 months ago, but then i felt so bad and guilty and i told him that i would give it another try cuz i was not sure if i was doing the right thing. He says he loves me and he will do anything for me, but yet he's always fighting or disagreeing with me. there is just too much conflict and i cant deal with it anymore. i cant be with him or marry him, which i know is what he wants. i am sure that this is the right thing to do, to end things and i have to tell him. but i know how it feels to have ur heart broken and i know there is no way to avoid that but how do i tell him. i just called him and i just cant do it, dont know what to say. any advice? and also i have to tell him today, cuz he is about to accept a job here in the state where i live.

Answer 1

It's admirable that you put your own feelings aside to make someone else happy. Truly a great quality, but I think it's gone a little too far. You've already answered your question. You don't want to be with him, it's not going to be a marriage thing, there is no long-term life with him. Cut him loose and more forward in life because everyday you spend suffering with him is one less day you could be having of happiness. As far as hurting him, well, it's gotta happen. What doesnt kill us only makes us stronger!

Let him down gently (a quick "kiss off" is not the way to do it). Just let him know "Hey, I wanted to speak with you prior to accepting the job. I know you want to be with me but I am just having such a hard time with this all".... Don't lie, make up excuses, just speak openly and honestly.. tell him what you told us!

Answer 2

ah gee honey! i understand your dilemma. but it has to be done. even though every relationship goes through a period of constant fight (which is when we realize that things arent so perfect) but this one is different, i mean the fighting has been going on for a whole year? that's just too much! its tough when you cant solve your problems! and the fact that its a long distance relationship makes it all worse. there's also the fact that you both want different things, he wants to get married, you dont(at least not now and not with him). and the worst part? nothing that anyone on here tells you will be perfect to make his pain less. the best that you can do? well, tell him what you told all of us in your question. that you really dont want to hurt him because you still care about him, but that it's hurt him more for you to stay together when you need space. and then come the other reasons like the non fighting, the not wanting the same things, etc. be ready for him to beg you to reconsider. which could happen and will make things more difficult for you, but stand your ground. dont fall for the "just give it one more chance" line. if you want to break up then you dont need to give it one more chance. i wish you the best!

Answer 3

alright well the one thing you have to stop doing is going on and off with this relationship. you are either with him or not becuase then it could get even worse if you keep having break ups. and since he is going to have a job in your state this would be a great way to actually talk in person. this might be a great chance to talk things over with.
just think, is he is worth your time? do you like him enough to stay with him even though he argues all the time? or should you find someone who is a little more laid back and doesnt argue?
i think you should maybe give another guy a chance with you becuase obvously you arnt having a great time with him. plus thre is a long distance relationship. so talk things over with him.

good luck

Answer 4

You have to find away to express your feelings to this guy before he up and changes his entire world for you. Moving form another state to yours is a HUGE deal. Maybe the best thing to do is to be upfront about it because either way it goes he's going to end up with his heartbroken. He'll get over that eventually, but giving up his old life for you, he may not get over that and it will cause a lot of unnecessary anger between the two of you.

Answer 5

Just tell him how you feel, and walk away. End things in a way where he can't pull you back in. Don't let his feelings control your life. If he calls you or IMs you, or even emails you, just delete everything. Push him out of your life and find a new guy so you can be happy.

Answer 6

Just tell him. Like you said, there is NO easy way to let a person down. I find the truth is the best way. Explain to him that your personalities are compatible. It would be best if he stayed where he is so you both can move on. Good luck

Answer 7

oh, sweetie, i know exatly how you feel! Well, if he says he loves you, then argues over EVERYTHING with you, then somethings not right. tell him that the long distance relationship is something you just can't handle, along with all the arguing. you really just have to be up-front with him, and dont do it over the phone! Good luck sweetie

Answer 8

if you cant get the relationship to work it is better to do it cleanly as it will hurt less in the long run ---- he may also still accept the position as it may be better than the job he currently has

perhaps it may work if you are closer --- at least you can sit down and try to resolve your problems --- my best wishes to both of you

Answer 9

Tell him you don't want to be with him. By staying with him you are just being selfish. It's not an act of compassion to give a guy a false sense of hope. He needs, and you need, to move on with your lives.