Is a father abandoning his real children child abuse?

Question

Is not standing up and being a man and taking responsibility in his real children's life and keeping in touch with them and paying child support for them is child abuse in your opinion? Are there any victims of that type? I was. Is it important for that person to be in that child's life on a regular basis even if the mom remarries or in a relationship with someone else? What is your feedback?

Answer 1

It is not child abuse, but the the child can be abused/abusive as a result of this. Both parents are important in a child's life, and if he can, a father needs to be in it! Even if a mother tries to be/do her best, the kid will miss out on the firm love only a father can give. Never had a father's love, abandoned by him as a child, and till date I find it difficult to believe men. After long discussions with my best friend, have decided to take the initiative and meet him. Forgiveness should be healing! So don't let this hold you back, life is a journey after all!

Answer 2

I think it is irresponsible and judgmental to take the easy road and say yes it is neglect and abuse. This is probably true in your situation (to which I am sorry that you were subject to that), but since it was asked as on overall question there is always another side to the story.

I think child support should be paid (there are arguments against it and many of those points I agree with) but in the situation of two people agreeing to create a child then two people should be financially responsible for the child's upbringing.

In response to an absent parent, sometimes I think it is better for the child's sake to have one of the parents leave the situation. This is a choice that had to be made in my own family. The children were being used as pawns to hurt the father, and it was the children who were being hurt the most (deeply hurt). Because this was not grounds for the father to win custody and show that mom was unfit, he chose to step aside and wait until the children are old enough to have a relationship without the mother being involved. They miss him and wish differently but it is much easier on them than going through the mental abuse from the mother. It was horrible.
Like with King Solomon, there are situations in which one of the parents have to walk away to save the child.

Answer 3

Sometimes it's more abusive to stay in thier lives. Any idiot can be a sperm donor but a Father is the man who cares and provides for the child on a daily basis. A real Father pays the rent and heat or watches the child while the mom does that. I say if he doesn't contribute money or love the abusive thing would be to force him into the child's life. Children are very smart and even a baby can feel resentment. My husband met my daughter when she was 4 and they are very close. If your child has a rotten father find them a new one ! Good Luck !

Answer 4

A man should be a man, but just because that is said doesn't make it happen. No, in my opinion it's not important for that man to be in the child's life if the Mom remarries and she remarries a man who understands that the kids come with the package, and he becomes the male role model for the child.

Answer 5

It's not technically abuse...it's neglect. Some would argue that neglect is a form of mental abuse. A child needs love and attention to grow. Sometimes a dead beat dad is not the right person to give his biological child(ren) the love and/or attention they need where a Step-Dad can and will. Just because a male fathers a child, it doesn't necessarily make him a dad...it takes a special kind of man to be a "Real Dad".

Answer 6

It's not abuse, it's neglect and abandonment. I am sorry your father was one of these, but the sad truth is that men make babies all the time and don't do the honorable, manly thing. A child feels hurt when they think that one of their parents didn't love them enough to stick around and do what was right, but a child shouldn't allow that to be a crutch. You should move on, make a life for yourself, and be sure not to be THAT selfish or immoral in your own relationships. Read Dr. Laura's book, Bad Childhood, Good Life.

Answer 7

I believe that both parents have a responsibility to the child/children to maintain a healthy relationship; for the sake of the children involved. A mother or father who does not retain their level of responsibility for their children is a very selfish and self centered move on the part of he parents. It is very unfair to the child/children involved. It is not the quantity of time or money one spends. But the quality of time that is spent together. Time is so very important, and for most children that is really all they want is time spent feeling loved and nurtured. And any parent who does not fulfill the obligation is really loosing out. Just my opinion. God bless****

Answer 8

What you've witnessed is what I call "transference and interpretation" within religions. I'm sure there's an accepted anthropological term for it, but that's what I call it. In tribal religions, where witchcraft, possession, demonology, and spell casting are acceptable parts of the animist tradition, an influx of Christian teachings is made to fit the existing schema for belief. It's rather like what happened to Christianity. Part of the development of that faith was to co-opt existing belief traditions, so instead of Zeus and Jupiter, we have the generic "God". On the other hand, believers in Zeus and Jupiter found in Christianity many ideas and philosophies that resonated with what they felt was right. In reverse fashion, Christian thought became co-opted to fit the existing schema of belief. That's what's happened here, with your African example. The animist faith that includes belief in spirit possession, witching, spell casting, and curses comes into contact with a belief system that includes a holy spirit and the myth of the Pentecost (possession), blasphemy (cursing oneself), and other related ideas...the end result is the horror and tragedy you've witnessed. It isn't Christianity that's to blame, or the animism that blended with it. The problem is that people the world over are too stuck in a need for problems to be solved by a deity instead of accepting responsibility for themselves. The more education is spread throughout the world, the less we will see a need for zealousness and religiosity, and the less we will see terrible events such as the ones you've pointed out.

Answer 9

we pay child support, but my husband has never met his daughter. she is 16. we hope when she is 18 she will seek us out. the mother is psycho and would not allow my husband to have pictures or contact all she wanted was childsupport. he had a horrible childhood and fuc*ed up parents, he never wanted kids or to be a father. she told him she was on the pill and not to worry. they broke up and she informed him she was 3 months pregnant. I do not believe this constitutes abandonment or child abuse.
my husband was just an unwilling sperm donor.
each situation is different.

Answer 10

You know.. my ex went homeless for six years. And every once & a while he would call the kids. I felt it was abuse in many ways.

First of all by putting doubt in their security.

Then second limiting their memories. They missed and loved him so, Because it was breaking their heart only hearing from him once and awhile. And one child getting the call & the others missing out if timing was bad. Not to mention financial end . Since the mother now has to work harder to make ends meet. Especially as they get in their teen years. They eat like crazy.

Positive note: Forces you to be a strong example for your kids & good inspiration for women in the same situation.