Shy people- how were you treated by your parents when you were growing up?

Question

I'm trying to figure out if how my dad treated me is what made me shy or shyer. Be specific. I was scared to death of my dad, he yelled alot, he would get in my face and not let me go 'till I answered to his satisfaction, he spanked us when little and after threatened with violence. He made problems out of nothing. I heard that if a girl doesn't feel good in her own home she won't feel good about herself, I guess this applies to boys too. So I imagine that's where my parent's constantly fighting fits in. He did care about us but he was too strict so actions spoke louder than words. Let me know if you are male or female.

Answer 1

I was shy as a child but part of that was my inherited personality (Dad was very shy) and part was that I was terrified of the nuns at Catholic school.

I got over my shyness so the point no one believes that I was once shy. But I took speech classes, participated in debate and forensics, etc. to "cure" myself of the shyness.

Answer 2

I've read that a woman's self-confidence depends on her dad's approval while she was growing up.

I was the family scapegoat. My parents and older brother only showed me love and approval for my achievements, but my sister never even did that. I don't like to remember those days too much. I've changed, but the situation hasn't, which makes visiting them weird, like travelling to some alternate universe where I'm always in middle school.

I'm still shy and a loner, but people tell me I seem outgoing and confident.

My own child is sociable although not a party animal, so there's a happy ending to the story.

Answer 3

I'm a girl. I was and still am treated pretty much the same way you were. Only it's worse and when I found out that my parents were having another child I was scared for that child and how my stepdad would treat her. He wanted another boy, because I was the first child and from a different dad than my three younger siblings. Then came my little brother, I say he probaly gets treated better at times by my stepdad than us three girls. So next was Brittany. Mind you these two at times have his attitude so I'm worried about when they get older and their kids. Any way so it ended up being a girl. She's 8 months old now and today he was yelling at her for crying it's his fault she was crying. All she wanted is for her daddy to love on her for a while. He said she is spoiled because we pick her when she whimpers but thats not true. He refused to pick her up and expected her to sit in one spot and not move when she ended up moving he almost broke her leg trying to throw her in her jumper. He blames her for his not getting to sleep last night but she couldn't help that she has an ear infection that hurts her all the time. He wants nothing to do with her but yet he's the one who didn't want my mom to stay at the hospital with my brother yesterday morning and him take her. So he got her last night now I don't know if all this can effect shyness but I think it has in me. Anyone who reads this and may have advice please contact me.

Answer 4

,I can identify with you and your problem, because I am a lady of 65 yrs. and I can remember the abuse I endured as I was growing up, ever since I could remember my Mother, used to find fault with anything I said and did, to the point of hitting me with a stick that was hard and she would not care where she hit me. I, have always been a very shy person, and now I know that it was because of my Mom, But, through the years I have become a different person, thanks, to my husband, I know that with time you will be able to overcome this problem you have and will be able to see life differently. I am sure that you will be able to look back when you were growing up and will let bygones be bygones. Good Luck to you in your future always think, positive not negative.

Answer 5

I'm massive and powerful at 6'4", 260, and have 2 adult sons. In my 35+ year career in the computer industry, I dealt with people one-on-one daily, including teaching computer maintenance to adults for 5 years.

Despite all this, I'm still extremely introverted and a complete klutz around people. I was never allowed to explain myself, what I was thinking, or even ask why I was being punished. My dad was brought up in the old school and was a border-line alcoholic to boot, but you'd never get him to admit it. One minute, nice as can be, next minute, SMACK, across the face.

'But dad, what did I do?' 'DON'T YOU TALK BACK TO ME.' SMACK. If I cried??? 'DON'T YOU CRY!!!! I'LL GIVE YOU SOMETHING TO CRY ABOUT!!!' SMACK, SMACK.

Small, trivial things set him off. For example, I sometimes make a slight "tsking" noise when I separate my lips. He always thought I was deliberately mocking him, even when I explained I didn't even know I was doing it. SMACK.

What did my mother say about all this?? 'You know he has arthritis. It hurts his hand when hit hits you.' I S**T YOU NOT.

When I graduated with honors from college, all he said was, 'I told you so.' My mother claimed he was proud of me. It would have been nice if he had shown it.

He died 7 years ago, and to this day, I still seek his approval, for I never received it when I was young.

I vowed I would NEVER spank, or verbally accost my children out of anger. I kept my vow. I refused to subject my children to the abuse I received.

I can give a damn what anyone else thinks. Physical and verbal abuse of a child, for any reason, is flat out WRONG!!!

My all-time favorite quote is from a movie:

"A man who raises his hand in the heat of an argument, is a man who has run out of ideas."

There are so many non-violent avenues of discipline available, to do otherwise is a sin.

I'm not religious, but I ask myself, "Would Jesus treat a child that way?' I firmly believe he would not, and I'm certainly not better than Jesus.

In closing, I urge you to seek counseling. You don't want to end up at my age, wondering what could have been.
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Answer 6

This sounds like me when i was little, But it was my mom not my dad. I was shy growing up with little self esteem, you cannot imagine the things she did to me. But let me tell you something, the first chance you get move outta the house, and tell yourself that you will always be in control of the rest of your life, thats what i did and things are working out ok, i now have better confidence, I'm now 20.

Answer 7

I am a female senior citizen who grew up in a similar household. Yes, abuse, whether physical, emotional or sexual\, or a combination of these, can cause damage to one's ego and self image. It is not easy for a child to realize that his/her parents are less than perfect. It is easy for a child to believe that he/she is responsible for negative reactions from parents or other adults. You may want to try a little counseling. If money is a problem, talk to your pastor or try the Mental Health Department in your area. They frequently have counseling available for a few dollars a session. Good luck and remember you are better than your dad. If you have children, remember to stop the cycle of abuse.

Answer 8

There is no answer to this because you just answered it yourself.
You are shy because of the way you were treated by your father.
Please let go of this. Dont dwell on it. You could get a massive breakdown in years to come if you hold onto what your "father" did. Trust me. Im VERY serious about what i just said.
Please accept my most sincere sorries for the way your dad behaves. He wont ever say sorry for it so I will say it for him.
All the best ok and remember......YOU are best.
xxxxxx

Answer 9

my father beat me everyday. yelled at me, almost killed me, threatened me. and i am shy as ever, especially around guys, because im afraid that i am going to get hit or something. in fact i lost my virginity when i didnt want to, just because i didnt want to get beat even though that sounds crazy. i think my upbringing really screwed me up... i am female by the way

Answer 10

female sounds like my childhood. female. have never completely gotten over it and think i probably have more problems due to that than i acknowledge. he was a teacher, if he were to do that today he would b jailed and lose his job.