I think my neighbour is suffering domestic violence by her partner, what do I do?

Question

I have lived next door to a couple who moved in about eight months ago, and they row all the time. My husband and I have heard it getting physical recently, for example, the door has been thumped against as if he is hurting her against it, and other odd noises have occurred as well. We live in a block of flats so everyone in the block hears them. The thing is, as is the case in much of modern society, we only know our neighbours to nod to, and I feel if I ring the police they would think I was interfering. My husband loathes any contact with the authorities and his attitude is to stay out of it. He has tried to help people in distress in the past out on the street and he was the one getting cautions, hence his depising of the police. But a woman mey be suffering domestic violence and I feel I should do something. Any suggestions?

Answer 1

Your husband has the right attitude here. If this woman is being assaulted, she has options.

Answer 2

call the police if you hear an argument and suspect violence such as that you describe.
talk to her see if she is being abused physically and or emotionaly.
if you see any bruises then you have to get her to talk to the police about it.
but you have to remember there are some strange individuals that like to both give and recieve pain. soi what you are hearing may be part of the normal life for that couple and may be part of the affection they share together. I'm not saying that is right. but it happens. why anyone would want to be abused like that for pleasure is a mystery to me.
if your neighbour does not want to take action against her partner then you can do nothing for her, except may be be there if and when she comes to her senses and wants to get help to stop being physically and mentally abused in the maner you describe.
your husband is wrong. the police take allegations of domestic abuse very seriously. they say that they would rather get a report that turns out to be nothing than not get a call at all. (at least i seem to recall hearing or readiung that somewhere). Remember too that a lot of reported deaths are as a result of domestic abuse.

your suspicions could be misidentifying the abuser and the victim. some women bully and abuse the partners so could this be the case.

your first action is or should be to call the police at the first sign of domestic violence. who ever is being abused will thank you for getting them help when they may not be able to get help for them selves.

think if it was your brother or sister being abused would you stand by and do nothing? i think not, you would get help as quickly as you could. wouldn't you?

Answer 3

This is difficult for you. In a similar situation a few years ago, I did nothing, and now I've moved away I still think of her sometimes and wish I'd sone something. Go and speak to someone at your local Police Station, and ask their advice. They are far more sympathetic to domestic violence these days. You could also speak to Social Services, ask if the have a Domestic Violence Unit, get some advice from them.

This is not just about her, it's also about your right to a peaceful life, so you do have a right to get involved.

Answer 4

you MUST do something...... dont leave it thinking someone else is bound to do something or that it will just 'go away' it probably wont. Contact the police anonamously preferably when this violence is taking place & if as you say you live in a flat then it could quite easily be a number of people who called the police.... no one needs to know who . Imagine coming home from work just as the police undertakers are bringing your neighbours body out..... its too late to help her then, and you could have prevented it ..... you wont be able to live with yourself. What would you want your neighbour to do if you were getting a regular beating from your partner??????????

Answer 5

I have been in a very simillar situation when I lived in a block of flats. I couldn't figure out where it was coming from but I definatly heard a woman get beaten serverly and raped. I was to scared to phone the police as I didnt want him to hear and come for me next. Luckly someone did call the police after 2 hrs they arrived. This happened time and time again mainly at the weekend so I ended up not staying there or getting stupidly drunk. I figured out who it was as he would follow me and crn me in the flats but still I didn't do anything. Until this day it makes me feel sick and I wish I had got some help from specialists. If you have the strength to do something I strongly reccomend it. x

Answer 6

My youngest had night terrors and they are very different from nightmares. It is often not related to dreams at all and can not be controlled by any means. The good news is they grow out of them. It took my son about a year and he did not have them again after he turned 5. My son would often scream and cry sometimes for an hour or more and when he would finally wake he would completely forget what had just happened. My best advice is to turn on the lights and hold him through the duration of the terror, trying your best to calm him and wake him gently. Do not shake, pinch or physically try to wake him as we found it somehow adds to the length of the terror. We tried everything. It worked best if I wrapped my arms around him and held him tightly and whispered into his ear, when he did a finally wake it was less jolting to him. Good Luck!

Answer 7

its sad to say there's nothing really you can do, if he is abusing her, chances are she will deny it and stick up for him and will hate any interference in their relationship. if you knew her it would be slightly easier as you could hint to her of help that's out there and get her to see its not her fault, most victims of domestic violence believe its their fault and that's why they rarely report it or get help.
unless it gets to the point where you feel she's in real danger i would leave off calling the police for now, you seem like the caring neighbour everyone should have! you are a good person.
maybe try to start conversations with her when you see her, she may need a friend.

Answer 8

Definitely do not go over and complain about the noise, if it is going on he will batter her for making noise. Speak in confidence to the domestic violence unit at your poilce headquarters. The police will not think you interfering and no-one including your husband need know you phoned them. Please don't ignore it.

Answer 9

Call the police and complain about the noise. Don't mention domestic violence. When the police arrive, they will be able to tell if there is anything going on.

Answer 10

Find out the name of the local super down at the Bill and make an appointment to see the officer in charge of the domestic violence unit. Go see her and see what she says. You can't ignore this.

Answer 11

Its a hard decision, maybe you should approach the woman sometime when you know her husband isnt home, ask her over for some coffee, sometimes when you call the police it will only make it worse because her husband will take it out on her.