Three boyfriends Two proposals HELP!!?

Question

I have been dating three men for about a year now and as things become more serious in each relationship, it's getting harder to keep the men from knowing about each other. I know it's sick of me to do this to them, but how do i chose between them, I love each for different reasons and they're all so unique warm, and loving. My secret is causing me a lot of stress, and I worry I might call out the wrong name at the wrong time and loose them all. (I only call them by pet names, so when I do slip they don't notice) Two of them have proposed to me, and I made an excuse about not being "ready" for marriage. (true) But what do I do, sometimes I wish I could just start over with someone new, but I can't bear the thought of not having my special moments with each of them. What is wrong with me, is this normal at all? :-) I desperatly need kind honest answers please, thanks

Answer 1

I'm sorry, honey, its not normal. If you love someone you don't cheat on them. I'll refrain from calling you the names that I'm quite sure a lot of people will call you, and not to put too much of a fine point on it, some of them will be right. What you're doing is wrong and you know it. Stop it where it is. These men love you enough to propose to you. You're cheating everybody from happiness, including you. I say break it off with all three. And tell them the truth. It's a big step, one you can't do without if you're honest about wanting to start over. I know its not easy. They probably will hate you. But you owe it to everyone. You'll have to give them up no matter what, or at least you will if you're the kind of person it seems like you are (as in you asked this question because you feel guilty about what you're doing, you want to make it right.) Maybe you love them, but what you're doing isn't fair. Truth is a big part of love, that's just the way things work. Try and not date anyone for a while, figure things out. I hope you'll get things straight, because you don't deserve what you're doing to yourself either. Everyone needs a second chance at happiness.

Answer 2

Unless you have promised them exclusivity you are not obligated to tell any of them about the others. Of course you HAVE told each of them you are not interested in a serious, committed relationship, haven't you? If you were you would surely pick one.
That said, I don't think this is normal and I advise you to seek counseling to help you determine why you can't choose one guy for lasting love rather than "special moments" with several.

Answer 3

You can't have both a kind and an honest answer in this case. If you don't believe in monogamy, that's fine. But be honest with everyone. You probably mean a lot to them, but you're making them live out a lie. Pick one, or come clean. I've been through this with a girl, and it was a nightmare. People don't deserve to be treated like that.

Answer 4

WOW....YIKES. hmm....rather than be judgemental....bc im sure you are bound to get some answers like that...Ill just say that I think you owe it to yourself..not to mention them..to cutt them loose, take some time to yourself. I'm a firm believer in only getting back what you give...meaning..you can't expect to have fullfilling, happy, relationships in life if this is how you go about searching for them. There can be no future in anything thats based on a lie.

Answer 5

you sound like maybe you are Poly... this is a normal and common lifestyle, but often misunderstood and social scorned.

I seriously think you need to start being honest, you will hurt these guys no matter WHAT the outcome, so might as well be upfront.

Answer 6

You need to pick one or none. If you keep going out with all of them they'll find out and it will ruin the whole thing! Choose for yourself before something goes wrong!

Answer 7

Sounds to me like you are seeking to have your body and mind hugged . . . not your authentic heart / soul.

You care for your own emotions that you don't want to let these men go . . . Yet you don't care for their emotions enough that you would allow two of three men fall in love with you to the point that that they propose marriage.
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I JUST READ YOUR OTHER QUESTIONS AND ANSWERS . . . WOW...NO WONDER YOU ARE STRINGING ALONG THREE MEN. YOU HAVE A NEWBORN BABY, ARE PREGNANT WITH ANOTHER ONE AND ASKING ABOUT ABORTION . . . YOU HAVE AN ANSWER POSTED TELLING THE OTHER PERSON TO NOT CARE ABOUT HER EX-BOYFRIENDS HEART...TO JUST PLAY AROUND WITH HIM...DON'T CARE ABOUT HIS HEART . . . THERE ARE THOSE OUT THERE LIKE YOU...AND THAT IS JUST SAD. HOPE YOU ' WAKE UP ' ONE DAY. MAYBE WHEN YOUR OWN HEART IS HURT DEEPLY YOU'LL LEARN. I TRUELY WISH YOU WELL AND THAT YOU LEARN...IN THE MEANTIME...LET THE MEN YOU ARE WITH GO. THOUGH YOU PROBABLY WON'T... THAT'S SAD. RAISE YOUR CHILDREN WELL.

You mentioned words as " alot of stress " , " you know it's sick of you ", using pet names to lie to keep truth from them " . . .

Interesting...Two years ago I was in the same situation...only I was unknowingly one of the ' many ' women of his that had a ' pet ' name and my heart was being strung along.

Care for these men enough to release them from your undeveloped heart. I say that respectfully...Your heart is not developed enough to share in a deeper valuing relationship yet. To string the heart of another along just so you can have your body and SURFACE heart hugged is cruel to them.

To play with a fish on a hook is mean enough . . . To string another's heart along is deeply cruel. Release these men from you so they may pursue some other woman who can exclusively share their heart with them.

One might steal or falseify documents and is put in jail. Yet one can be cruel to anothers heart and falisefy their intentions and they can roam free to play with emotions. Not quite fair.

Wait till one day you are in deeply in love with a man only to discover he is messing around with two other women's hearts and had been stringing you along...using a pet name for you so as not to 'call out the wrong name at an untimely moment'.

I feel sorry for those men.

Answer 8

Here's the thing...3 guys?! There's nothing "serious" about that. That's what is refered to as self esteem issues. You're afraid of "loosing" them. What does it matter...you've lost yourself, that's the real problem here!

Answer 9

Congrats!
Juggling 3 is not an easy thing. ! is difficult enough.
Just tell the one u don't like to end it.
And just stick to 1.

Answer 10

try to stick for only 1 whos really inlove with u it will be happen to lose them all if u dont give out two of them