Since I was 15 I've attracted jerks. I want this to end.?

Question

I admit, I am not perfect and I know it takes 2 people to make a relationship work. I was with a guy for 3 years that mooched off me, racked up my credit cards and stole my savings. We were verbally, emotional and borderline physicaly abusive with each other. I swore I'd never be with a guy like that again.

I met my last boyfriend 3 years ago shortly after I left my ex and it ended in Dec but we've been sleeping with eachother since. Stupid naive me, I thought if we stayed close we'd get back together. But it was just sex to him. We were also verbally and emotionaly abusive to eachother. He has a sick sense of humor that often hurt my feelings and didn't seem to care when I wanted to talk about it or talk about anything for that matter.

I just want this whole cycle to end. I'm so worn out and sad thinking about this last relationship that didn't work out. I'm only 23 and I don't want to keep living like this.

Answer 1

Stop! Right Now!
Disengage from the one you are with. Buy a plant and keep it alive for one year, without a man in your life. After a year getting use to yourself, and if the plant lives, consider another relationship (I'd get a pet first, and wait another year).
You are making the choices to find the jerks, they aren't finding you. Get right with yourself, and your self-image. Then look for someone who is worthy.

Answer 2

The best way to keep out of this cycle is to start finding happiness within yourself. When a relationship ends (especially a bad one) the last thing you should do is get involved with another one. You need time to just adjust to not being in a relationship and also figuring out what went wrong and how to move forward in a right manner.
Another good thing to do to keep from being in a bad relationship is to learn to recognize warning flags. When you see one...bail. Three years is a long time to be in something bad. You could have gotten out during any one of those years and certainly should have.
Lastly...date. You don't have to immediately be anyone's girlfriend. You should date a lot of different guys and see for yourself what you really want. You do not have to be in a couple relationship when you are not ready. I would strongly advise that you date and date no one exclusively for at least a year and get some counseling on yourself in the meantime.
A healthy relationship needs healthy pariticipants. You have been through the wringer.

Answer 3

You're a lemon. Like a bad car. There is something inherently defective in you, and all of us. We're all lemons. We look like everyone else, but what makes us different is our defect. See, most girls date so-called jerks so that they can hopefully change them to one of the nice guys. When you date an asshole, you date them for the danger thrill of the abusive cycle. The high-highs and the low-lows. And every girl out there who's dated a complete asshole here knows what I'm talking about.... Hell, even when you and the jerkoff are having one of those good happy moments on the rarest of occasions, it's just a matter of time before it goes down hill. But when the relationship goes on the bad end, now THATS another story. When things go bad, and I'm talking about the kind of bad that makes your ******** pucker to the size of a decimal point - you know what I mean - You've just recreated the worst possible nightmare this side of malignant cancer, for the twentieth goddamn time; and you're standing there and you suddenly realise, Hey, I'm still... here. I'm still breathing. I'm still ALIVE. Girls of your kind date assholes all the time on purpose. Because you guys constantly need to remind yourselves you're alive. Dating jerks is not your problem. It's this ****** up need to feel something. To convince yourself you exist. That's the problem.

Answer 4

It's good that you've recognised a pattern and decided you want better relationships. In my opinion the key to this lies in your past and the deeply held belief, probably subconcious, that you don't deserve better. Some people never recognise the pattern and some having recognised it don't bother to break the cycle. You DO deserve better but the first steps are liking/loving yourself and really believing you deserve to be Loved in a helathy relationship. This may be difficult without cognitive behaviour therapy (counselling) but not impossible, after all you're intelligent enough to want to break the cycle. I wish you better relationships and the Love you deserve.

Answer 5

Dear Lady, i say this word because from what i have read you are just that .it makes me extremely furious when memebers of my gender act like this.
Take time off stop looking for guys let them do the chasing and this time be sure that the guy you choose is sensitive,emotional and can use his brains every now and then despite thinking from his little head.
And dont take this on yourself you are a good woman you just need to have realtionship with a more mature guy who thinks with both his heads.

Answer 6

Before you think about moving in together, both of you must trust and love each other.NOT pretending. Make sure you know him well by going out to biscopes and doing things together, before you even think of a big step like that.

Answer 7

Try to find higher class men, or hang around a better bunch.

Answer 8

i wish i could give you good advice, but i have a headache from this stupid neon sign "losers line up here" on my forehead and need to lie down.

Answer 9

Think hard about what it is you are doing or secretly wanting that keeps allowing it to happen...

Answer 10

Sorry to sound like your mother and if this is her I would rather hang with her.You shouldn't sleep with people your not married to.