My mother in law believes that a daughter in law shouldnt give anything to her own parents as this would equate to stealing. I earn money... I bought a birthday cake for my Husband has we had a little party at the house. There was a lot of cake left over so when my parents were leaving I gave them a slice of cake.
I got accused of stealing cake for my parents. what mistake did i make? oh yea I am an Indian daughter inlaw
2007-02-09 19:30:22 · 16 answers · asked by rainwoman 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
Rainwoman, that is an unfortunate and undeniable truth of Indian society. Once a girl gets married, she is supposed to surrender herself totally, physically and mentally to her husband and in-laws. She is expected to sever all bonds with her parents and siblings and belong solely to her husband and in-laws. Lots of married women in this country share such unfortunate experiences. Some are even physically tortured. And you surely know about dowry deaths. All these are a blot on civilised society. Or may be many of us are really not as civilised as we claim to be.
Coming round to what happened to you, I'm sure that ten out of ten people would agree that if anyone was wrong on that day, it was your mother-in-law. But you didn't stand up to her unjust actions, probably for the sake of family peace. Your husband also kept quiet, probably not wishing to antagonise his parents. But I think that being a financially independent woman, you should not take such things lying down. I'm definitely not advising you to fight your in-laws over everything. But do protest when anything impinges on your dignity.
2007-02-10 03:35:51 · answer #1 · answered by Modest 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Appears as though there has been some misunderstanding which cropped up between your parents and your in-laws in the matter of exchange of gifts during and/or after your marriage.Probably,the in-laws expectations were not met by your parents and thus they hold a grudge against them.Perhaps, you too are not helping matters by being over-indulgent on your parents in spite of your marriage now. These small acts of dissensions shown by your in-laws have arisen due to the above factors and so should be handled in a manner so that peace reigns between all of you once again.
First of all if your husband is not aware of it take him into confidence. He will be the best person to counsel his parents so that they are not offended by your telling them. You on your part should also talk to your parents and if the cause of the grouse between them and the in-laws is a small matter, ask them to fulfil it as most of the time in early part of Indian-marriages, Ego-hurt is the main cause of such strife and so should be nipped in the bud as soon as possible.
Remember, whatever may be the case, mostly you are going to live around your in-laws on whom you will have to depend for many things, later in life. If Harmony is once again restored between all of you by frank-discussions, incidents such as above will no longer recur.
2007-02-10 14:34:51 · answer #2 · answered by mcmohan40 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You did a good thing by keeping quiet. Answering back would just worsen the matters. I feel your mom-in-law expected that you ask her first before you give anything to anyone, just so that she feels she rules the house. Don't worry its a small matter and take it as a joke, these sort of things happens in a family. Next time just ask her before, so that she feels wanted. Also if suppose you've a sis-in-law and she gives something to your mom-in-law (i.e. her mom) anything you should just joke about this incident. I know I am telling you to accept things and not fight back. But is there any use in doing so, if you fight back or try to explain her things matter will get out of hand and in the end it would be classic case of 'maikng mountains out of molehill'. So forget it and get back to work you too will forget about this in a few days.
2007-02-10 13:49:08 · answer #3 · answered by Santosh S 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
"WHAT THE.....?"
I read your question a dozen times and still can't believe it. You bought a cake. It's yours to do with as you wish. Giving a slice, or the WHOLE cake is a gift from you to them. How is that stealing? Stealing from who? Yourself?
What if you gave HER a slice? Would she be guilty of accepting stolen goods?
I'm sorry, I don't know Indian culture. Is this a common theme?
2007-02-10 04:24:34 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
hmmm well lady do not worry as these orthodoxed filthy and mentally retarded people cant be changed. I do not regret for what i consider to be right and as if you are educated enough then you should be never getting bothered about this.But lady do remember that you have your husband who could be used as a weapon and in this situation well make ur husband do the stuff for you. Then watch carefully as how your mother in law would shut her mouth.As she would never blame her son or hold him a thief. Try to use your husband and deliver all that you want to your parents let it be money or anything. And to get you husband do the stuff for you lady i dont think that i have to tell you the secrets of how to seduce a man.
Cheerz
2007-02-10 04:03:50 · answer #5 · answered by Alladin 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
That is really very mean on part of your mother in law. As a father of a married daughter I can understand your mental condition. You must speak to your husband about it & try to resolve this matter amicably as I don’t want any bad relationship between you & your husband just because of your mother in laws wrong behavior. If need be avoid any dispute between your mother in law now but if need be you can always ask your husband to shift out from such a joint family.
2007-02-10 08:07:16 · answer #6 · answered by vijay m Indian Lawyer 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hi , i have admired indian culture because the indian people i know are very well bought up ,but i always thought that the indian culture loved their families, so whats with her saying this to you?this is what most people do better than to waste it ,you bought the cake so whats the problem?i bet she didnt moan when you offered her some ,families ahh who would have them?xxxxx
2007-02-10 06:56:44 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
ha ha ha ha ha ha is what I feel about your in laws
poor un educated uncultured creatures suck them! hey lady u as a person has your right to look after your parents whether you are a man or a woman you earn a decent amount and you organised the party with your money why should they worry??
ask them a question don't they accept something from their own daughter if she gave them something?
suck them
my advice better move out of that house for your better future
2007-02-10 05:12:44 · answer #8 · answered by Sajan M 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am an Indian too.
Its your money... your cake... your parents...
What the hell they are talking? Unbelievable.
Whats there in a small cake piece?
Dont bear.... do something.
2007-02-10 06:04:23 · answer #9 · answered by Nenet 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
your mother in law has issues of the mind. you did nothing wrong. she did by worrying about some cake thats not even hers.
2007-02-10 04:54:10 · answer #10 · answered by babygirl_of_texas 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋