Im in 4th grade, and my friend moved somewhere near the mountains and i am really sad.. Can someone crack me up?! I ♥ laughing... Better make it funnier than when i was crazy in school when we had doughnuts (sugar kind)... yum! Please and thank you?!
2007-02-09 19:04:24 · 13 answers · asked by ? 3 in Entertainment & Music ➔ Jokes & Riddles
ok whoever gets the highest rates will be the thingy majiggy
2007-02-09 19:33:57 · update #1
3 or more rates will be the best answer :D im kinda crying rite now
2007-02-10 05:49:13 · update #2
Hello Ladies+ gentlemen,
For all of you who are feeling bad by getting to know the facts about yourself, heres something
to cheer you up.
Time for some male-bashing.................
Marriage - Part I
Typical macho man married typical good-looking lady and after the
wedding, he laid down the following rules:
"I'll be home when I want, if I want and at what time I want and I
don't expect any hassle from you. I expect a great dinner to be on
table unless I tell you that I won't be home for dinner.
I'll go hunting, fishing, boozing and card-playing when I want with
my old buddies and don't you give me a hard time about it.
Those are my rules.
Any comments?"
His new bride said, "No, that's fine with me. Just understand that
there will be sex here at seven o'clock every night......... whether you're
here or not."
(DAMN SHE'S GOOD!)
Marriage (Part II)
Husband and wife had a bitter quarrel on the day of their 40th wedding
anniversary!
The husband yells, "When you die, I'm getting you a headstone that reads:
"Here Lies My Wife - Cold As Ever "
"Yeah?" she replies. "When you die, I'm getting you a headstone that
reads: "Here Lies My Husband Stiff At Last"
(HE ASKED FOR IT!)
Marriage (Part III)
Husband (a doctor) and his wife are having a fight at the breakfast table.
Husband gets up in a rage and says, "And you are no good in bed either,"
and storms out of the house. After sometime, he realizes he was nasty and
decides to make amends and rings her up. She comes to the phone after many
rings, and the irritated husband says,"what took you so long to answer the phone?"
She says, "I was in bed."
"In bed this early, doing what?"
"Getting a second opinion!"
(YEP, HE HAD THAT ONE COMING, TOO!)
Marriage (Part IV)
A man has six children and is very proud of his achievement. He is so proud of himself,
that he starts calling his wife,"Mother of Six" in spite of her objections.
One night, they go to a party. The man decides that it's time to go home and wants to find
out if his wife is ready to leave as well. He shouts at the top of his voice, "Shall we go home
'Mother of Six?'
His wife, irritated by her husband's lack of discretion, shouts right back, "Anytime you're ready, Father of Four."
(RIGHT ON, LADY!)
Marriage (Part V) The Silent Treatment
A man and his wife were having some problems at home and were giving each other the silent treatment. Suddenly, the man realized that the next day, he would need his wife to wake him at 5:00AM for an early morning business flight. Not wanting to be the first to break the silence (and LOSE), he wrote on a piece of paper, "Please wake me at 5:00 AM." He left it where he knew she would find it.
The next morning, the man awoke, only to discover it was 9:00 AM and he had missed his flight. Furious, he was about to go and see why his wife hadn't awakened him when he noticed a piece
of paper by the bed. The message on the paper read, "It is 5:00 AM. Wake up."
Men are not equipped for these kinds of contests.
God may have created man before woman, but there is always a rough
draft before the masterpiece.
2007-02-09 19:19:39 · answer #1 · answered by ? 2 · 3⤊ 0⤋
• Let's just be friends and make no special effort to ever see each other again.
• In God we trust; all others must pay cash.
• Most men don't know how to act around cleavage.
• Insomnia is a nightmare.
• Life is full of undocumented features!
• Life is a math class: solve one problem, get another.
• Exceptions always outnumber rules.
• Some suffer from the memory of things that never happened.
• Men should be able to pee on the street like the dogs they are.
• A one track mind often has a derailed train of thought.
2007-02-09 20:04:48 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
What do you get when you cross a camel with a cow?
Lumpy milkshakes.
What goes hahahahahahaha ha plop plop plop plop?
A monster laughing it's head off.
What do you call a Mummy (egypt) with a neck tie?
A xmas present for Dad already wrapped up.
I'm sure you will make new friends and you still can stay in contact with your friend that has moved. Enjoy your youth buddy, hope everyones jokes cheer you up.
2007-02-09 20:45:46 · answer #3 · answered by MJ 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is funny...Hillary Clinton and her driver were cruising along a
country road one evening when an ancient cow loomed in front of the car.
The driver tried to avoid it but couldn't -- the aged bovine was struck
and killed.
Hillary told her driver to go up to the farmhouse and explain to the
owners what had happened. She stayed in the car making phone calls to
lobbyists. About an hour later the driver staggered back to the car with
his clothes in disarray. He was holding a half-empty bottle of expensive
wine in one hand, a rare, huge Cuban cigar in the other, and was smiling
happily, smeared with lipstick.
"What happened to you," asked Hillary?
"Well," the driver replied, "the farmer gave me the cigar, his wife gave
me the wine, and their beautiful twin daughters made mad passionate love
to me."
"My God, what did you tell them?" asked Hillary.
The driver replied, "I just stepped inside the door and said, 'I'm
Hillary Clinton's driver and I've just killed the old cow.' The rest
happened so fast I couldn't stop it".
2007-02-09 19:47:12 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
"I once knew a man with a wooden leg named Smitty."
"what was the name of his other leg?"
"why did the turtle cross the road?"
"To get to the shell station"
"what did the fish say when he swam into the concrete wall?"
"DAM!"
"how do you drown a blonde?"
"put a scratch and sniff sticker at the bottom of a pool"
"your mama is so fat that she sat on a rainbow and skittles popped out"
2007-02-09 19:31:17 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
good one.....miraculous very humorous ..... enjoyed it .....gave me a good chortle .....good job.....sustain the best ones "Blonde caller:“are you able to offer me the telephone quantity for Jack?” Operator: “I’m sorry, I don’t understand who you're speaking approximately” Blond Caller: “On internet site a million section 5, of the consumer instruction manual it needless to say states that i could desire to unplug the fax device from the AC wall socket and speak to Jack till now cleansing. Now, are you able to offer me the quantity for Jack?” blonde version of who needs to be a millionaire: quickest finger question: placed those Rocky video clips so as commencing with the earliest.....Rocky a million,Rocky 2,Rocky 3,Rocky 4 those 2 blonde ladies drove to Disneyland.They observed a demonstration that suggested "Disneyland Left" so as that they went left and went back domicile. they chanced on 2 blonde ladies frozen to loss of life of their automobile on the rigidity-in action picture theatre. They went to be certain "Closed For The iciness". why cant blondes make kool-help they cant decide how they get 8 cups water in the koolaid packet well-being care expert (making use of a stethoscope): "super breaths." Blond: Yeth. and that i'm no longer even thickteen yet how did the blonde get sq. boobs she forgot to take the kleenix out of the container this blonde ladys pal became particularly injured and mandatory to bypass to the well-being middle for medical interest.So she ultimately have been given her to the emrgency.So the nurse on the er asked her why didnt she merely cal "911"? The blonde woman suggested"nicely i couldnt discover the "11" button." 2 blondes are strolling in the woods while one spots tracks and says, "hi look, undergo tracks!" to which the different blonde replies, "no those are deer tracks!" they argue for sort of an hour. next morning, information headlines study:2 blondes, killed by using practice.
2016-10-01 21:56:35 · answer #6 · answered by trapani 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
GO 2 CORNYJOKES.COM OR LOOK UP FUNNY JOKES ON GOOGLE OR LOOK UP STUFFF ON YOUTUBE.COM
THERE WAS A BERA AND A PIG WALKING IN D WOODS WHEN A GENIE APPEARED AND GRANTED THEM 3 WISHES EACH. THE BEAR WISHED FOR ALL THE BEARS IN THE FOREST TO BE GIRLS HE USED UP HIS 1ST WISH BUT ANYWAY SAID I WISH ALL THE BEARS IN THE WORLD WERE GIRLS THEN HE WISHED THEY ALL LIKED HIM. THE PIG WISHED FOR A HELMET, A MOTORCYCLE, AND FOR THE BEAR 2 B GAY. THE END
2007-02-09 19:08:55 · answer #7 · answered by Musiqbaby 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The Lawyer's Funeral
A man reluctantly attends his laywer's funeral expecting to be one of the one people there, and is suprised to see a huge turnout for this one terrible man. He turns to the people around him.
“Why are you all at this lawyer's funeral?” he asks.
A man turns towards him and says, “We''re all clients.”
“And you ALL came to pay your respects?”
“No, we came to make sure he was really dead.”
2007-02-09 21:34:01 · answer #8 · answered by daniel a 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
biquT2 A 992
pni992 n0279q
2iHT 9>lil 2m2
use a mirror to read it
2007-02-09 21:50:30 · answer #9 · answered by xxsanxx 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
"I'm really worried" said one teenager to another. "Dad slaves away at his job so I'll never want for anything and so I can go to college. Mom spends every day washing and ironing and cleaning up after me, and she takes care of me when I'm sick."
"So what are you worried about?"
"I'm afraid they might try to escape!"
2007-02-09 22:34:20 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋