any a-jokes?

Answer 1

Hello Ladies+ gentlemen,

For all of you who are feeling bad by getting to know the facts about yourself, heres something
to cheer you up.


Time for some male-bashing.................

Marriage - Part I

Typical macho man married typical good-looking lady and after the
wedding, he laid down the following rules:

"I'll be home when I want, if I want and at what time I want and I
don't expect any hassle from you. I expect a great dinner to be on
table unless I tell you that I won't be home for dinner.
I'll go hunting, fishing, boozing and card-playing when I want with
my old buddies and don't you give me a hard time about it.

Those are my rules.
Any comments?"

His new bride said, "No, that's fine with me. Just understand that
there will be sex here at seven o'clock every night......... whether you're

here or not."

(DAMN SHE'S GOOD!)


Marriage (Part II)

Husband and wife had a bitter quarrel on the day of their 40th wedding
anniversary!
The husband yells, "When you die, I'm getting you a headstone that reads:

"Here Lies My Wife - Cold As Ever "

"Yeah?" she replies. "When you die, I'm getting you a headstone that

reads: "Here Lies My Husband Stiff At Last"

(HE ASKED FOR IT!)


Marriage (Part III)

Husband (a doctor) and his wife are having a fight at the breakfast table.

Husband gets up in a rage and says, "And you are no good in bed either,"
and storms out of the house. After sometime, he realizes he was nasty and
decides to make amends and rings her up. She comes to the phone after many
rings, and the irritated husband says,"what took you so long to answer the phone?"

She says, "I was in bed."

"In bed this early, doing what?"

"Getting a second opinion!"

(YEP, HE HAD THAT ONE COMING, TOO!)

Marriage (Part IV)

A man has six children and is very proud of his achievement. He is so proud of himself,
that he starts calling his wife,"Mother of Six" in spite of her objections.

One night, they go to a party. The man decides that it's time to go home and wants to find
out if his wife is ready to leave as well. He shouts at the top of his voice, "Shall we go home
'Mother of Six?'

His wife, irritated by her husband's lack of discretion, shouts right back, "Anytime you're ready, Father of Four."

(RIGHT ON, LADY!)

Marriage (Part V) The Silent Treatment

A man and his wife were having some problems at home and were giving each other the silent treatment. Suddenly, the man realized that the next day, he would need his wife to wake him at 5:00AM for an early morning business flight. Not wanting to be the first to break the silence (and LOSE), he wrote on a piece of paper, "Please wake me at 5:00 AM." He left it where he knew she would find it.

The next morning, the man awoke, only to discover it was 9:00 AM and he had missed his flight. Furious, he was about to go and see why his wife hadn't awakened him when he noticed a piece
of paper by the bed. The message on the paper read, "It is 5:00 AM. Wake up."

Men are not equipped for these kinds of contests.

God may have created man before woman, but there is always a rough
draft before the masterpiece.

Answer 2

A young man has always dreamed on owning a Harley Davidson. One day he has finally saved up enough money so he goes down to the dealer. After picking out the perfect bike the dealer warns him that if he leaves his Harley in the rain the chrome has a tendency to rust. He tells the young man an old biker's trick is to keep a jar of Vaseline handy and smear it on the chrome if the bike must be left out in the rain.

A few months later the young man meets a woman and falls in love. She asks him to come home and meet her parents over dinner. He readily agrees and the date is set. At the appointed time he picks her up on his Harley and they ride to her parents house. Before they go in she tells him that they have a family tradition that whoever speaks first after dinner must do the dishes.

After a delicious dinner everyone sits in silence waiting for the first
person to break and get stuck doing the dishes. After a long fifteen minutes the young man decides to speed things up so he reaches over and kisses the woman in front of her family.

And no one says a word! Next he decides to take a more direct approach so he throws her on the table and has sex with her in front of everyone. And still no one says a word...!!! Now he is getting desperate, so he grabs her mother and throws her on the table. They have even wilder sex. But no one says a word...!!!!

By now he is getting very worried and is wondering what to do next when he hears thunder in the distance. His first thought is to protect the chrome on his Harley, so he reaches in his pocket and pulls out the Vaseline.

And the father says, "Okay dammit, I'll do the dishes.

Answer 3

A man is deserted on an island, with no one else around. He is walking along, when he trips over an ancient lamp and a genie pops out. Genie says "I will grant you three wishes!"
Man says "I only need two wishes"
Genie "Alright, I will grant you two wishes. What be your first wish?"
Man "My first wish is for a smokin' hot blonde woman to be standing right in front of me."
Wish granted, there is the hot blonde woman, completely naked.
"What be your second and final wish, then?" asks the genie
"I wish for my d!ck to hang to the ground."
Wish granted. The man's legs are now only three inches long.

Answer 4

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