How to cope when u are a vitim of manipulation?? I was manipulated by?

Question

my ex bf. I feel it was pretty severe. I have been to 2 therapists and now I am starting with a new one. Its been 7 months but it was so hard to accept. I was with him for 2 years.He layed the big suicide threats on me, b/c he was so depressed only to find out he got a one night stand pregnant. He would tell me not to call the police or he would kill himself. Then after I helped him, he left me for the mother of his child. I needed to know who I was dealing with so I did my own research.Come to find out he met this one night stand in a chatroom. He has picked up other girls in chatrooms. He did the same suicide deal on a previous girl, but she was smart enough to call the police, he told them she lied & did this b/c she was upset over the breakup.I called him recently to tell him I know all this, & he came back w/ a threat that he filed a complaint against me. I'm over him trust me, but I was not over what he did to me. Please don't tell me I should have let it go. Its easier to say

that, but noone knows what it was llike for me. The constant panic & anxiety attacks, his hang ups, the worrying if he was dead or alive. I was naive i know that now, but before him, I never knew people like this existed. But anyhow the suicide threats all came rushing back to me,I feel he mentally abused me. And he even has to end it with a harassment complaint against me. I feel he is a coward and cant even pick up the phone and confront me for what he did to me. He came off as such a good guy, clean, good family. Always frowned upon other's meeting in chatrooms, having one night stands etc. Now I exposed him and he doesnt like it. I did it for myself. I was fed up with all the lies and manipulations. The police threat was false, I went down to the police station. HE is a horrible person. How should I cope with it now...for myself?? By the way, he knew I had to go for therapy b/c of this, he has heard me cry. When I got his last email, he told me to get prof help:( I cried all day.

Answer 1

I'm not going to tell you how to cope, I'm only going to tell you that I lived true a very similar situation. The man had 2 degrees, a very high pay job, and he was a coward. He constantly try to scare me that he was going to kill himself .. either in front of me, my parents, etc.
Finally I went to see a therapist and you know what he advise me.. to tell him , OK, you want to kill yourself then go ahead that way I don't have to worry with you anymore. He never made those threats again, and I moved on with my life.
He had emotional problems not me and I wouldn't allow him anymore to bring me into his low self.

Answer 2

My husband calls these things "knowledge bumps," when you learn a truth the painful way. I bet you will never be manipulated like this again. It's hard to recover from such a betrayal, and hopefully time and space will do that for you. That guy has problems bigger than you ever will. You are lucky to be without him.

Quit calling him, if you have any more inclination to do so. You'll just be drawing out this sorry saga. So sorry you had to go through all this! All the best to you.

PS read your additional details:

You need to block him off your email. He sounds like maybe he has borderline personality disorder, and maybe reading up on that will give you more insight into this. A person with that disorder who is unaware of it and unwilling to take *major* steps to get better, is not a good partner. There's nothing to do to make a winner out of this situation-he won't see the error of his ways. Cut off all contact with him, for your own sake.

Answer 3

I think you have learned a good lesson. You will never fall for a guy like this at all. you are not alone, I know of plenty of young girls who have gone through dramatic relationships like this, where the guy threatens suicide, begs, is jealous etc. The girl tries to be the hero and take care of him. This stuff happens, you are so lucky that someone else got pregnant and not you. You should have a big smile on your face and thank God that you are done with him. So he manipulated you, learn from this, learn how to stay away from guys like this, and find a guy who has respect for himself and you. Do not give him the pleasure of calling or emailing him, show him that you are better than him by ignoring him and being happy on your own. Believe me he would love to tell his current girlfriend that you are stalking him and that you are obsessed with him. thats the kind of guy he is.

Answer 4

The very best thing for you to do right now is to immediately stop all contact with this guy. Fix your e-mail so it won't accept anything from him, do not accept telephone calls from him, etc. If you see him in the street, turn around and walk the other way.

It is good you are seeing a therapist about this--he/she can help you work through the hurt. However, three therapists is a bit much for one problem and so I want you to ask yourself this: are you going to the different therapists in order for them to tell you what it is you want to here or are you leaving them because they are challenging you to help yourself?
Therapy is not an easy road to walk and you might feel you are walking it alone but you are not.

Answer 5

You do want help and you at the instant are not over him yet you will desire to recover from him, I even have been there and that i be conscious of the form you sense and that i be conscious of what you elect to take place from him and it in simple terms can not take place. he won't in any respect ever comprehend what a huge creep he has been to you and make an apology or a minimum of say i'm sorry so upward thrust up and flow to scientific care and get the wear and tear over with have the funeral considering's what it feels lilke and you sense like a fool and a jerk for staying as long as you probably did yet there are greater human beings available than in simple terms you, he's a dud, no longer you, get help it is been 10 years via fact my creep dealt with me like a grimy rag and that i now stay like a actual man or woman and that i'm no longer nervous of something to any extent further. I used to doubt myself as quickly as I planted a plant. Be stable !

Answer 6

Don't let him maniputate you in any way. Talk to God and put him in his hand and believe that he is going to do something and help you. The devil is using him to detroy your life. Wake up and stop him from treating you that way. Don't let him do whatever he wants with you. He is a crazy nut that needs to know God. He has no fear to God and his life can be short, 'cause God knows what he is doing wrong. But you're doing wrong also by permitting him to abuse you. (Ephesians 6:10-17); (Joshua 1:8); (Isaiah 26:3); (Galatians 5:19-23). Get help. Go to a Christian Chuch and believe me you will see how everything will change. Give yourself the opportunity to be free of such a bad experience, Get in God hands. Be bless.

Answer 7

If it were me, I'd pay someone to hurt him. Nothing is more therapeutic than revenge.