Am I being reasonable, or is my mother overbearing?

Question

My mother signed me up, and paid for, a racquetball class that meets every week for five weeks on Saturdays. She did not ask me if I wanted to be in this class because it was filling up fast and she didn't want to miss a spot. I have no desire to start having my weekends be completely scheduled since my week is already filled with school and student government and the like. Plus, I'm not really interested in racquetball all that much. I told her that I didn't want to do the class since it is in the middle of the only day that I don't have filled up. She is angry because she pent this money, but my argument is that it was a)her mistake to spend the money, not mine and b)a sunk cost and should not be included in my decision making about whether or not I take this class. Any advice? I'm also trying to get a job as a lifeguard, this class would make that hard. (I'm an 18 year old senior in high school, and virtually all of my peers agree with me, but my adult friends and teachers don'

Answer 1

I am 23 so I have been there but not too far away from there not to understand your plight. I guess I wonder why your mom would sign you up if she wasn't sure you would be very intrested and appreciated that you should join?

Is she afraid your not geting enough exercise? Well, honestly this is the deal. Yea it sucks, but you should try to work out a compromise. Apologize to your mother that she spent the money and that you are not interested. Secondly, try to work out some deal where you can pay her back a portion of the money she spent. Like Mom, I will pay you back 70% of what you spent and give you payments on a monthy basis. Of course if you currently don't have a job, you either get one as a lifeguard or offer to do chores for her on Saturday. And schedule these chores when they are convient for you. Like in the morning on Sat. so they don't interfere with the rest of your "day off".

Work something out so its a WIN, WIN situation for YOU and YOUR MOTHER.. Or just suck it up and deal with the classes. I mean its not like they last forever.

I am not going to say that your absolutely right in your feelings. Nor am I going to say that your mom was absolutely right in her decisions.

Answer 2

Tell your mom that you appreciate her concern but that you are a man now and are trying to set up your own life. Tell her that you understand that it's gonna be hard for her but that you have a full schedule already. Try and get the money back from the place for her. See if someone else will take the classes so that the money isn't wasted if you can't get it back. Maybe a friend or cousin or something. A job should be more important then playing racquetball. Tell her that you have a job lined up and that it will interfere. If she can't see that a job is more important then I really think you have a problem. It's a shame. I'm sure she meant well. You must be a good kid. It's just hard for mom to let go. Go easy on her. At least she cares about you. That's something a lot of kids dont get anymore. And you probably are good to her too. Good luck.
By the way, I'm not a kid. I'm up there in age. I think the adults are wrong to tell you that.

Answer 3

I am an adult parent of a 16 & 19 year old and I say if she doesn't want to lose her money, either find someone else to take the spot (Ask them where she signed up for the class, I'm sure someone else wants to take it!) or she can take it herself!? There comes a time when all parents have to stop just doing things for their kids without asking and realize that they no longer tell their child what to do. It is a hard lesson for the adult because they have to stand back and just see what will happen and just be there to catch you when/ if you fall. It's also a hard lesson for you, the child becoming the adult because opportunities will be missed unless you pay attention and learn from all your Mother does and has done for you. Tell her thank you and help her find someone else to pass the class on to.

Answer 4

Hey, you may LIKE the class (and meet someone 'interesting' during the class too!). Can you at least TRY the class .. and if you don't like it ... maybe MOM can find the time to go to the class and find some friends herself! (and yes, I would suspect in the class there are individuals of ALL Ages!).

Instead of being ANGRY -- think of it this way -- she was doing something that she perceived of as a THOUGHTFUL "gift" to you of a new activity .. and yes, it was a "GIFT" -- for she decided that her cherished child (yes, almost an adult) was someone that she was willing to SACRIFICE little luxuries for even NOW .. when you are almost 18 years of age!

Gosh, this Long Term Single Parent (and now an Empty-Nesting Single Retiree) can see the sacrifice that she lovingly made to help you relax and find some new friends .. and yes, she did make that decision.

PLEASE ... for the sake of the relationship between you and your mother, APOLOGIZE for berating her or not appreciating her at this time. THEN .. OFFER that SHE take the class instead (if you do NOT even feel like trying!) so that SHE can have SOME FUN and Enjoyment after all these YEARS that she has willingly SACRIFICED to RAISE you to this point in time!

Answer 5

Are you planing on asking your mom to help you go to college?

Sometimes you have to choose your battles a little and give in to dumb stuff. It might be best just to give her this one.

It may be best to take this one class but ask your mom not to sign you up for anything unless she talks to you first. Growing up is hard for both of you, she is probably trying to hang on and you are trying to let go.

If you are in to student gov. the class will do you good. Lots of deals are made on racquetball courts in the grown up world of politics. Most guys golf , the tough ones play racquetball. The court can be a real proving ground for business. Maybe that was what she was thinking.

Answer 6

-I- think your mother was out of line. (and I'm not a mother and I'm old enough to be your mother..)She should have asked you first, before signing you up for something you have no interest in and SHE spent money for. If she can't get her money back, why doesnt SHE take the class ???
If you're 18, you have the right to say what you want in the way of classes and work. Your mother is trying to run your life. Put your foot down and don't let her, or else she's going to keep doing it.

Answer 7

If you were younger it probably wouldn't be to bad. But your 18 and can pretty much make decisions on your own, specially about something like that. I believe your mother was hasty in scheduling the classes for you. She really should of sat down with you and asked you if you were interested in joining. She has to realize your older now she can't just jump up and make choices for you without your input.You need to just explain to her that your growing up, and you appreciate the thought but it's not what you want to do, and she really should of talk to you about it first instead of spending her money and making you feel obligated to go. I 'm quite sure if she tries she can get a refund.Good luck

Answer 8

This problem is deeper than it seems. You have a controlling mother. Has she always been like this? At some point you will have to defy her. She will complain and tantrum, but don't give in. If you're not willing to do battle to win your own life, then take the course and be prepared to do this years down the road. Sorry to hear about this and I'm sure otherwise she's a great person.

Good luck!

Answer 9

That is a question only you can make.

I know you are looking for opinions and that is sweet because you want to do the right thing by your mother.

I believe you are in a no win situation. My advice is try the class, you may end up liking it and you will make points with your mother.

Answer 10

I think you should stay firm with your Mother. Your 18 years old and should be starting to make your own decisions especially about how to spend your one free day. You should stay respectful, let her know that you really appreciate the gesture but it's something that you just aren't interested in doing.