am i a good father?

Question

i am 24 with 2 kids 1 girl and 1 boy both under 3 and i have no license, but i ride my bike everywhere it is my ride. i have a job at 9 $ an hour and i come home and clean the house every day i work swing shift, and have the weekends off. my girlfriend whome i have been with for 5 years and all the kids are ours, works on the weekends and i take care of the kids all weekend its not that i dont like it, but it is getting overwhelming for me and i feel like our relationship is falling apart. we have no free time to do anything, alone or together. i have not heard from anyone that i am doing good and to keep it up. i wish i could hear it more often by the people who are closest to me, but i dont and it hurts and it is harder to deal with everything and be a dad, boyfriend, friend, son, brother, and everything else i am going .... grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr why why why???? ok i just wanna know?

Answer 1

I would say just by reading your question, you are a good father most guys wouldn't do what you are doing. Some fathers are worried about hanging out with their friends, but you are taking responsibilty for your children. As, far as your relationship goes everyhting takes time don't feel like the love is gone. You must work together as a team. True your loved ones should tell you like hey you are doing a good job because that makes a person feel good about themselves.

Answer 2

Sounds like it to me. You both work off shifts since daycare IS expensive, you didn't ditch them, and actually are working to try and support them. I have 2 kids, 18 yo boy and 16 yo girl. I've been there and done it with my wife working the different shift and YES it is a strain on a relationship. If anyone in either family lives nearby and is tight with you, could they possibly watch the kids, preferrably overnight if not at least a few hours maybe once every other week so long as you and gf schedules permit it? You both need MY time together and not for partying. Just to be together, even if it's just to have dinner alone or rent a movie. I feel your pain!! Keep up the great job you're doing on being a father to your children and love them. At that age, they are VERY impressionable and what you show them actually starts the mold of how they might turn out. They are very fortunate to have someone like you to depend on, not someone who would run off and never possibly meet. Stay in their life as much as possible and you shouldn't regret it. I am the oldest of 6 kids and dad passed 2 years ago. Trust me, I know ALL about the brother, attorney, doctor, welfare, etc things. My family THINKS I am all the above!! And they know I am none of the above.

Answer 3

That's a lot of responsibility for you and your gf. Everybody needs a break. Get a baby sitter and you and the gf go out and have a nice time.Even if it's a walk in the park.Parenting is a thankless job. Good parents don't get medals.But there are some long term rewards.A lot of parents don't nurture their kids like you and your girlfriend. Believe or not,there are those who know what you and your gf are doing and what kind of parents you are. Get your license even if you don't have a car,that will give you some flexibility;maybe you can borrow a car to go out on a date with your girlfriend.You would'nt happen to be the oldest of your siblings would you? A lot of time the oldest is conditioned to think he has to be everything to everybody,you say that not only are you a dad but a son,brother,etc.The only responsibility you owe is to your kids and girlfriend. Don't spread yorself out beyond them because you and your gf have a family and you can't take care of everyone's needs. Good things are going to happen for you and your gf.

Answer 4

I will tell you that you are doing great. When you are overwhelmed remember you cannot be all things to all people. Just do what you are doing putting your kids first. If your relatives can't understand that it is their problem. Also it would not hurt your relatives or friends to just keep the kids a few hours a week so you and your gf could have some alone time. You keep up the good work. Those kids will be grown someday and these are the days you will remember with joy.

Answer 5

Hold on to the good things! It is natural you want some rewarding words to feed your soul when you are getting physically and mentally exhausted, but it rarely happens because everybody else around you is as busy as you are. So focus on the good things. Turn the moments you share with your children into the words you want to hear. Of course "thanks for being a great dad and for working so hard for us" is not to come out of their mouths, but they will definitely appreciate the time you spend together, even if it is not that much.
Have you talked to your girlfriend about how you feel? Have you asked her how she feels? Is there a way you two could dedicate 20 minutes to each other every day to share? Sounds like it´s been long since you sat down and had a conversation. Just try not to blame each other for the actual situation when you start to talk.
Parenting is not an easy job. It´s not something you can study. Staying together as a family is one of the hardest things to accomplish. You can do both. Remember to focus on the gratifying experiences. You have to share some time with your family to create the good moments. You have been blessed with 2 children. Enjoy your time with them before they grow up and leave home.

Answer 6

While I can't place complete judgement on you as it's not my place and I don't know you personally, based off what you say you are doing a great job!!! You seem very dedicated to making a name for yourself and giving a life to your family. It's hard right now though because you both are working so much and having babies is hard too. I do hope that your relationship regains the passion and strength that it probably had at one time. Just force yourself to stop for a moment...and be with her. Set aside some specific time just for the two of you..and see what happens. You have a LOT to juggle and from what I can see...you are only doing your best..which is what anyone can ask of you. :) KEEP UP THE GOOD WORK!!!

Wish you the best!

X Stitch X

Answer 7

The fact that you are involved in your kids' lives and supporting them, is demonstration that you care about them and trying to what's best. It can be overwhelming, especially if you have little time with your girlfriend and you feel unappreciated. Talk to your girlfriend, let her know you are feeling a little overwhelmed and unappreciated. communication is important in a relationship- she is probably feeling the same at times. Parents often keep these feelings to themselves because they feel guilty for feeling this way- like they are always supposed to be happy and upbeat about spending time with the kids. But you need time for yourselvses and alone time too. Try to come up with a plan together to have someone watch the kids for you so you can spend time together (to nurture your relationship) and to have some down-time for yourselves ( to hang out with friends, or just be alone without the responsibilies). Talk with family/friends to see who is willing to pitch in once a week or every other weekend to give you a break9 even if it is just for a couple of hours. But, talk- your girlfriend probably doesn't realize you are feeling this way and that she needs to recognize your contribution more. and make sure you tell her how much you appreciate her. Good luck

Answer 8

I would think that for being with your girlfriend for 5 years, that you would ask her to marry you to make it complete. Instead of shacking up with eachother, why not marry her?

Right now I think that your girlfriend should be the one staying home witht he kids. Hopefully you two will get married soon. It seems like she needs to find another job that will have her be home more. Like a part-time job instead of working on weekends when those are your days off. You two need to find a job so you two can spend more time with each other and the kids.

I would suggest to her that she take some time off or maybe work less hours, or even don't work on weekends.

I think that those words of encouragement should come from your girlfriend. If you haven't heard them from her, then you need to express to her that you are stressed and could use some words of encouragement.

How would you like to be called husband instead of boyfriend or your girlfriend to be called your wife? Because you two need to be a team and help each other out. So just sit with her and let her know that there needs to be some changes here. By marrying her first, then either changing her hours at work or maybe leaving her job to care for your 2 kids.

You are doing a good job with taking care of the kids, but she needs to be home with them too, and with you. You be the leader of your home! (smile)

I would consider on reading, "The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands" and "The Proper Care and Feeding of Marriage".

Answer 9

The fact is, you are both young and life is overwhelming for both of you. Two kids, jobs, a great deal of responsiblity. Maybe your parents could watch the kids so you two can talk or just get out of the house together if even for a movie. Commuinication is everything ... so start with that. Good luck, you sound like a nice guy that is doing his best.

Answer 10

Oh my God - hang in there. It's a really hard job but every day kids get a little bigger a little bit more self sufficient and independent. They're so little now and it probably seems like a lifetime away but it will get better. Your free time will come, jobs will change allowing more time together - just hang in there you're doing a bang up job!!