Why wont she stop?

Question

i just recently joined a new church, and man is the pastor excellent. he gives us the impression that God doesn't judge, but man does and anything that you have done in the past he has forgiven you (especially when you admit your wrong) I am under the impression that God is kind and gentle and not the mean one that everyone says he is.

My mother also goes to the same church, but rants on with her judgements and keeps telling me that is what the word (in the bible) says. for example, i wanted to spend time with my boyfriend for valentine's day. and she said that i am fornicating and that i am going to hell. she keeps saying things like that and asks like she is God's advocate or something which is turning me off. I told her that we obviously believe in two differnt gods, and that her God can shove it! she told me that i am going to hell and that i worship the devil. help!!!!! she is making religion so hard

Answer 1

Ah, welcome to the world of the atheist. We are told all of those things and more.

Just know that you are secure in your belief in God as your pastor preaches. I assume you are a teenager or else you are forced to live with your mother due to finances? If so, do your best to avoid discussions about religion. Ask her if she'd like to pray about it or ask if she'd like to go have a counseling session with the pastor, just the two of you. Perhaps you can work it out with his help.

If not, get out... go somewhere where you can worship without her interference. She is obviously an unhappy woman who is bound and determined to drag you down into her muck and mire. You don't need any of that. Don't let her shake your faith. If your faith is strong enough, it will withstand her verbal assaults and judgements.

Answer 2

OK first.....go to the bible for answers not someone else or your mother. Jesus has all the answers. Sounds as if your mother has a religious spirit. Yes fornicating is wrong just as long as you don't act on that sin.
i.e. I'm married I see a man that I think he is handsome yes I look then I turn away. I didn't lust after him I just admired what God has made. Now if I sat there and lusted after him.......ohhh look at his but mmmm girl if I could get with him I could rock his world. That is lust, falling to the temptation of sin. Being with your b/f is not sin just as long as you DON'T have sex outside of marriage. I do have to add if your a new Christian pls date boys ONLY from church and you know for sure they are Christians them selves. IF not then you will fall to the temptation of sex cause no christian boy(if he really loves Christ) will try to get into your pants. Your mother may have some good advice if your wondering what she means then ask your pastor and have him show you in the word of God what she is talking about. I also agree to get a version of the Bible you can understand really well like New American Standard, New King James Version, New Living Translation are three that I really enjoy. Good luck and I will be praying for you.

Answer 3

I went through this situation with my mother but it became very serious - I was young and she pushed and pushed me - made me cry if I didn't agree with her *beliefs* she read the bible and interpreted it literally as it said but she went way too far with it ( She was ALWAYS right - not even the churches we went to were right-God only spoke through HER)) (abuse went from spiritual to emotional and verbal & later involved physical abuse if I didn't "agree")- because of this whole thing I haven't seen my mother since I was 16 (I'm 18 now) - at that age it became so serious that the state became involved & everything(restraining orders) - don't let it go to that point, if you can prevent it - i miss my mother sooo much- try talking to her and letting her know that it hurts you for her to say that stuff - just don't start lying to her about who you are and what you believe (i tried that) I do believe in God and am a christian just don't agree with it if you don't believe it - if you don't mind me asking you to write me on my e-mail if you wanna talk about it more I don't mind-
[e-mail]
Your sister in Christ (God will help you through it)


P.S. She acted the same way about boys also- it was a satanic to even date to her- some things I'll never completely understand

Answer 4

ground level preaching -
nowhere in your letter did you say your mother is wrong on fornication. I cannot assume or deny this. But the concern here is God does forgive your sins but the other hand goes that if you are sinning (hypothetical argument), a) it separates you from God and, b) continual sinning is not covered by Calvary.
Repentence, confession, admission and judgment are keys.

God is love but He also is a man of war (see Numbers 14, I believe) God is merciful but His judgments are forever. You pick what side you want to be on.
You cannot fully understand His love without His mercy and judgment.

When you truly understand this proverb, you will slowly get the true grasp of His love:

For the fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom. and the fear of the Lord endures forever.

Answer 5

She should not be telling you that you will be going to hell, it's not her job to do that. Now, she is right in saying sex before marriage is a sin. God does judge though, he doesn't want you to sin. He loves everyone, even when you sin, and we all do. Ask for forgiveness and your sins shall be thrown in the sea of forgetfulness.

"Many think that because he loves us, he won't judge us. But his love for us does not negate the fact that he is also just. Scripture clearly and repeatedly makes the point that only the Godly will see his face. Therefore, we can be certain that our sins will be dealt with. For those who have accepted God's gift of salvation-Jesus's death on the cross-their sins have been forgiven. For those who haven't accepted this gift, God's judgement is certain."

Answer 6

God is not mean! But He does have the right to judge our actions and He can certainly be disappointed in our choice to sin, even when He has forgiven us. Remember, when He lives in us as Christians, we have the desire to do what is pleasing to Him. Ignore your mom's ranting. Be at peace and you may quote to her Romans 8:1 "For there is no condemnation to those who are in Christ Jesus."

Answer 7

It sounds as if she is focused on God's Wrath, and has forgotten about his Love and Grace.Explain to her that you have a personal relationship with Jesus Christ, and that He is always with you. Remind her that you are merely going on a date on Valentine's Day, not fornicating. She can't object to going on a simple date, after all she must have, at some point, dated your father, right?

Answer 8

Well....are you having sex with your boyfriend? If you're a Christian you shouldn't be. Is there any truth in anything your mother is saying to you? If not, then you can trust that God knows you are behaving as He would have you. That means that your mother has a sincere problem, and it is for you to pray ardently for her, that God speak to her about the way she is treating you.

I'm sorry that, as the daughter, you are in the position of having to play the adult. If your mother is accusing you falsely, remember the bible says, if God be for you, who can be against you. Pray to Him for strength and grace of how to stand on your purity and integrity and not let your mother chip away at it. But you need to pray for her...she sounds very troubled!

Answer 9

Your mother is being spiritually abusive. I'm completely serious - her behavior is a form of abuse. At some point you may need to either require her not to discuss any religion around you, or, failing that, cut her off completely.

I long ago ended all religious discussion with my mother for the sake of our relationship.

Answer 10

Even Christians can be abusive. It seems to me that religion is not the real issue here, it's how she disrespects YOU.

Characteristics of Verbal Abuse

1. Verbal abuse is hurtful and usually attacks the nature and abilities of the partner. Over time, the partner may begin to believe that there is something wrong with their abilities (male or female). She/ he may come to feel that they are the problem, rather than the partner.

2. Verbal abuse may be overt (through angry outbursts and name- calling) or covert (involving very subtle comments, even something that approaches brainwashing). Overt verbal abuse is usually blaming and accusatory, and consequently confusing to the partner. Covert verbal abuse, which is hidden aggression, is even more confusing to the partner. Its aim is to control the person without their knowing.

3. Verbal abuse is manipulative and controlling. Even disparaging comments may be voiced in an extremely sincere and concerned way. But the goal is to control and manipulate.

4. Verbal abuse is insidious. The partner's self-esteem gradually diminishes, usually without them realizing it. The victim may consciously or unconsciously try to change their behavior so as not to upset the abuser.

5. Verbal abuse is unpredictable. In fact, unpredictability is one of the most significant characteristics of verbal abuse. The partner is stunned, shocked, and thrown off balance by their mate's sarcasm, angry jab, put-down, or hurtful comment.

6. Verbal abuse is not a side issue. It is the issue in the relationship. When two people are having an argument about a real issue, the issue can be resolved. In a verbally abusive relationship, there is no specific conflict. The issue is the abuse, and this issue is not resolved. There is no closure.

7. Verbal abuse expresses a double message. There is incongruence between the way the abuser speaks and his real feelings. For example, he may sound very sincere and honest while he is telling his partner what is wrong with her.

8. Verbal abuse usually escalates, increasing in intensity, frequency, and variety. The verbal abuse may begin with put-downs disguised as jokes. Later other forms might surface. Sometimes the verbal abuse may escalate into physical abuse, starting with "accidental" shoves, pushes, and bumps.

Hope this help put the problem in a better light. Best of luck.