custody and child molestation?

Question

i've been asking so many questions about this. my daughter says she was touched, inappropriately (and more), by her dad while on a weekend visit. as soon as we found out, we called the police. a deputy came to my house and interviewed my daughter. she told me that she feels that my daughter is in serious danger. she told me NOT to let her go to the next visit. she feels that something is very wrong.
her report will be given to the DA. i hope that he takes the case. i am also in court for custody matters. i was told that this will be a difficult case because it might look like this was all made up because i am in court about custody.
won't they interview my daughter? aren't their people out there who can tell the difference between a child lying (or being feed information) and a child who has really been hurt? i'm scared that my daughter's father will be handed my daughter so she can be used as his sexual gratification toy.

anyone reading this, please pray for my daugter. i'm scared. she's only three. he was in prison twice before (for violent crimes) and is not allowed to see his daughters, there are two. i don't know why. will all this help keep my daughter away from him. even if there is nothing in his history of molestation? i've fought so hard for my daughter to be around him as little as possible, but i NEVER believed he would do what he did to her. she's told me things that her dad did to her, that she should not even know about. she's only 3

thank you for your responses. this is my worst nightmare. i pray this doesn't happen to anyone else. i am going to get my daughter in counseling. actually, i've tried before and i had to get her father's approval first. he didn't allow it. maybe it's because he was hurting my daughter!!!

my daughter has started bed wetting. she's been potty trained for months now

i almost forgot that there are caring people out there. thank you for your concern and prayers. God will bless you for this. i know it

Answer 1

My prayers are with your daughter and you as you go through this difficult time.

Keep your chin up, especially for your daughter.

Answer 2

In my area, child protective services comes and interviews the kids and makes a determination. You might even need to call them and make the report separately, I am not sure. Social services can found a molestation charge without criminal charges being made, and petition the father into family court instead of criminal court.
Criminal court findings hold a LOT more weight than family court findings...I've known family court to say that without on-going abuse, they would not stop visitation. I would call the DA's office, and ask if there is a victim's advocate there, to help protect your daughter's best interests. The advocate goes to court with you, and talks to the judge on your behalf, and the judge listens to them a lot more than he will listen to you, because you are considered biased against your husband/ex-husband.
If the DA's office doesn't have a victim's advocate, call your local domestic violence phone number, and ask them for information about a victim's advocate....they often will accompany a victim to court. Even if you can't complain about being a victim of domestic violence, your daughter should still certainly qualify.
Good luck!!

Answer 3

They will interview your daughter. In order to keep her from sounding like she was "fed information" or that she was "coached" be sure not to hound her to tell you information. Be sure to tell her you love her no matter what and that you believe her IF she brings it up. Remind her (not constantly) that it's never appropriate for someone to touch her girl parts and how much you appreciate that she told you. Also remind her, if she brings it up, that it is NOT her fault and that she did the RIGHT thing by telling you. When the police/DA contact you again, be sure to request they video tape their interview with your daughter. This will alleviate the problem of having to interview her over and over and over about this terrible thing that happened. You're a great mom and did the right thing. Your daughter's safety is the most important thing.

Answer 4

Well your in for a long ride. Someone I love has been accused of molesting my 15 yr old sister and it is a lie. I am the only witness to it but we are still in battle and he is still locked up. Now depending on the age its hard to determine a lie. I would see if she could show how he "touched her" that way you can better judge. Kids do lie and not always intentional. Do research!!! research research research!! Look for all red flags that your husband may have seemed to show that you didnt catch on to. Such as the one I love has no record, has no red flags. It's very difficult to tell but it does happen. But just remeber you are not alone. And it will be stressful, tiring and painful in all ways. You do need to investigate yourself also. Leaving it up to the police isnt the greatest thing b/c they do seem to just be wanting a reason to arrest. Just keep your head up and go with what you feel. If you feel something wrong happened then it probably did but also investigate to make sure. This is such a big thing. Many innocent men and women get faslely accused all the time so make sure he did do it before ruining his life. I hate to be like this but its the way it is. I know what you are going through. And its one of the toughest things you will ever face. Good luck to you and your child.

If you would like to talk to me you can yahoo messenge me at [e-mail] You will see that you too will want someone to talk to. If I can be any help I will.

Answer 5

This is very tough. Unfortunately child molestation is one of the hardest legal battles because there is a lack of forensic evidence and a pile of circumstantial (unless the act is videotaped) evidence. Couple that to the legal fact that you are fighting for custody, and it doesnt look good.

I am all about believing the child when they say they were sexually abused. THat, to me, is not something a mentally healthy child would even lie about. So as long as your child does not have a history of being a pathological liar, her character shouldnt be questioned.

However. Its hard to say much because many of the details of this case are not clear. Such as, the age of your daughter. How long has her visits with her father been going on? What is the relationship like between her and her dad?

It is a rare occurence for a father to just start molesting his daughter out of nowhere. Now, does that mean it cant happen? Of course not. But sexual predators follow a distinct pattern of behavior, and they rarely like to deviate it from it. Men who molest/rape their daughters tend to do so from an early age, the earlier the better becasue then they are able to 'train' their daughter to a) not question this and b) expect it. Very much like training a dog, it takes consistency and a long pattern for that dog to know what it can and cant do. That is similar to how predators work.

The investigator in me, is wondering, why out of the blue this happened. And quite frankly, that is what the DA is going to ponder as well. Like I said, the fact that your Custody battle is going on, doesnt make this look too good.

Was a rape kit performed on your daughter? Were pictures of her genitalia taken? If not, then its going to be hard to prove.

Now what is the difference between children who are told to lie about molestation (force feed) and children who confess?

Well I hate to sound cynical, but usually the ones who are force fed the info....will speak about it, quite openly, candidly many times. When children are raped/molested, just like adults, the first thing they think of is "Its my fault". The guilt causes them to change, dramatically. They withdraw, they dont hang out with friends anymore, they dont enjoy any of their usual activities. They act very different, very moody. They may start regressing in development and behavior, depending on the age, and can start bedwetting, sucking thumb, stop talking, throw tantrums, etc. A child rarely talks about being molested/assaulted. And when it happens by their father/mother, even more so how they retract and withdraw into their shell.

So the first thing any one in the legal system is going to think, "What made this girl say this?"

Answer 6

someone will speak with your daughter and hopefully that person will be trained properly and will be able to tell the difference between a child who is telling the truth and one who is repeating what she has been told to say.

you will most likely be able to prevent your daughter from being alone with her father throughout the course of any proceedings you would have against him. if he's convicted, he would obviously not be able to see her alone while incarcerated. while i would love to tell you that he wouldn't be able to have any contact with her after he gets out, that's not true in every case. i used to work in the city court in my state and we had a case where a man who raped 2 of his daughters was actually given supervised visitation with them after he was released from prison. it's horrible, but it happens. the good news, however, is that if he is incarcerated for a long period of time, your daughter might be at an age where she would be able to choose to not see him and the court may take that into consideration.

i would also encourage you to try to tap into any resources your state may have for crime victims compensation. your daughter is going to need a lot of help and if the state compensation program allows, i would hope you would be able to receive some funds so that she'll be able to work with a therapist (young children often see play-therapists to work through traumas) and get through this difficulty

i really hope that everything works out for your family. what you're going through is so difficult, but it is good that you have found out early on. i hope you are successful in winning this battle.

Answer 7

There are psychiatrists who specialize in these interviews for these types of things. That will be a requirement. In my opinion, there are some who have a bias against the suspected molester, and some interviews end up putting innocent people in jail. However, if your daughter was truly molested, you are at an advantage. Do not fear.

Answer 8

I don't know what state you are in, but you could ask for a psychological evaluation of your daughter's father. Also, you could ask the court to appoint a child attorney to represent the best interests of the child. This will be an attorney who represents your daughter and will speak for her.

I wish you the best of luck.

Answer 9

I've read the answers above, and they are really good. I just want to tell you, I will pray for your daughter and for you. Be strong Mom, remember YOU are her voice. You are the last line of defense she has. If everyone else fails her, you must not! Good luck and God WILL bless you!

Answer 10

a child can testify, but it is up to the jury to determine - if you take it as criminal case, which you should. your best bet is to make yourself look as fit as possible in the eyes of the jury. they will often side with the mother. if this animal is touching your daughter inappropriately, and your daughter relays that (which is going to be very rough on her) he will never see her again and probably end up killed in prison