He can't let go of who I was before he met me. I partied alot and wasn't a virgin. He was a virgin and not a partier. He tell me how horrible I was and am. He tells me no matter what I do, he'll still see that in me. Weve been together for two yrs, the fight is always horrible. I'm upset and lost. I don't know what to do? I'm tired of it, I don't know if we can last like this. Is he going to ruein everything? I need advice. Thanks.
2007-02-09 15:50:42 · 18 answers · asked by All I have to do is dream... 4 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
I have a similar situation to you, but I disagree with most of the answers who say to dump him. This is going to sound funny, but he's having a reaction to having someone love him and he's creating a problem where there is none. It's just a story that he's playing in his head to keep distance between you. If he is a good guy who is willing to grow in a relationship he's willing to look at his judgments and insecurities and let them go. Give him some space, and if he comes around and apologizes, don't give up on him. It will take time but he will begin to love you more and not love his judgments. The past is a dream and a relationship helps you to wake up.
(Email me if you want to talk about this more. I know exactly what your fiance is going through.)
Good luck!
2007-02-09 16:20:58 · answer #1 · answered by CharlieC 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is going to take awhile to answer. First of all make sure your not constantly reminding him of stuff you did before you met him. Although a guy will accept a women with a past most guys don't wanna keep hearing about it over and over. If he is the one who is bringing it up then you have 1 option. Show him that the girl no longer exist and give him a few months to accept it. If not then time to find a new bo. But bear in mind also that he was a virgin when you met him and you were not. You didn't mention any ages but if this guy is young he may well be feeling like he can not satisfy you the way some of your other guys have. Either way it's your call. Ignore what your head says and trust your gut.
2007-02-10 00:21:04 · answer #2 · answered by pjvthatsme 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your past if just that, YOURS. He's obviously jealous & resentful and that's his problem. Don't let anyone tell you you're a bad person for the things you've done. You're the person you are today because of those things. He supposedly loves you and he fell in love with the girl who did those things.
You need to tell him that. You also need to tell him that the only person that can judge you is God. He's not perfect. None of us are. The only thing he is is a virgin. Whoop dee doo! Mistakes build your character. You're obviously not afraid of living and having a bit of fun, nothing wrong with that. You also realized that maybe that type of life wasn't for you. That shows growth & maturity.
Honestly, this guy isn't worth your time. He's emotionally abusive and way too judgemental. He's not going to get better, it will only get worse. Do you really want to live that way? He needs to get over things that have nothing to do with him. My advise is to dump the judgemental twit and find someone who isn't scared of life or the mistakes we all will make.
2007-02-10 00:00:55 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Why would he hold something against you that happened before you guys even met? Does he think you can tell the future and knew that you would end up w/him? Is he so perfect that he's never done anything in his life that he's not happy about? Maybe he should get off his soap-box. I think you should break up w/ him, because if he's not willing to let this go (b/c he's probably REALLY insecure), then imagine all the bigger things in the future that he'll obsess about.
I'm sorry that he's like that, I can tell you're really upset about it :(
2007-02-09 23:56:18 · answer #4 · answered by SB 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
A person who loves another does not keep bringing up the past before they even met the person and telling them how horrible they are. Your fiance is too insecure with himself to accept you as you are. You are not the person you used to be, and even if you were, he should accept you for who you are. If he can't accept you, past, present and future included, then he doesn't really love you. He is hurting you by saying these things to you. Love doesn't do that to another. He needs to grow up and you need to move on. You deserve to be treated better than that. He sounds like a not-so-nice guy. You deserve to be treated with respect if you are expected to spend your life with this guy. Do you really WANT to spend the rest of your life with a guy who will always hold it over your head that he thinks you are a bad person because of your past, and who can't accept you and respect you for the person you are? C'mon - I think you know in your heart what the answer to your question is. You wouldn't have asked the question to begin with if you didn't need validation that your gut instincts about your fiance are correct. Listen to your gut. It is telling you what you need to do.
2007-02-10 00:00:32 · answer #5 · answered by Chimichanga to go please!! 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You have wasted two years on a narrow-minded jerk who enjoys nothing more than to hold your oh-so-terrible past over your head and make you feel like the world's worst criminal. Are you really brain-washed to the point where you want to spend the rest of your life like that? You will if you marry that petty little sadist.
Let's face it, if he wanted an untouched, unkissed virgin for a partner, he could go out and try to find one, couldn't he? But is he doing that? No, he is having too much fun inflicting the emotional torture on you. Wake up.
2007-02-09 23:56:03 · answer #6 · answered by Liz 7 · 3⤊ 0⤋
If he can't focus on the future, you may have to let him go. If he's a good guy, try counseling. Maybe if he hears it from someone else, it'll sink in. If not......
Tell him, I made my choice, I'm with you. If you lose me, it will be because of your actions, not someone else's. Either you're happy to be with me and make a life together, or you need to mail order a bride. Good Luck
2007-02-10 00:00:27 · answer #7 · answered by Jim N 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Why are you engaged? I think that you already know this isn't the person for you. Your lives will be miserable because he doesn't trust you. I know this isn't what you want to hear, but maybe you need to take a break so that he can do some soul searching. If he can't accept you then he doesn't want to marry you.
2007-02-09 23:55:26 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
He should be with you for who you are. What happened before you met him is just that it affects him in no way!!!
My advice would to be to let him go!! This is just the beginning to a life full of guilt trips.. BELIEVE ME!!! If he can't love you for the person you are today he's not worth it!
2007-02-10 00:04:50 · answer #9 · answered by Bubbie 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
if he can't get over your past, something that can't be changed....move on as he has issues and they will only get worse once you put rings on.
2 choices
A. bail and leave a burning trail on your exit
B. he seek a counselors help ASAP as he does have issues
I am guessing he is a virgin or was till you cause he is religious and was saving himself. Ask him to show you in the Bible where it says he is given the power to judge another...as that is what he is doing. Only one can judge...and that is God and only God, God even states that.
2007-02-09 23:55:53 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋