My husband is adopting my son. My son loves my husband but sometimes he askes for his real dad. A couple of times I called his dad and toled him but he wants to have nothing to do with him all he cares about is doing the adoption so he dosnt have to pay child support. When he dose see him its for like 45 minutes every two months. Its hard on my son for him to come in and out of his life but If i tell him he can never see him than I feel like im failing my son. When he askes for him I just tell him he livs far away I dont know what else to say. Hes to young to understand. I feel like telling his dad ether to be in his life or out of it not in between. My mom says that any little time with his dad is good. I think that its worse for him to have his dad come in and out of his life like that. He calls my husband daddy. What do you think I should do?
2007-02-09 15:14:58 · 12 answers · asked by jenny♥ 2 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Toddler & Preschooler
His dad only wants to see him when its good for him about (45min/1hr every two months)
2007-02-09 15:39:11 · update #1
In all honesty, him seeing his biological dad in just the little time he gets is much worse for him than never seeing him. Obviously, he cares for his dad and wants to see him very badly, and the father is just hurting him more by simply not caring. It's an incredibly sad thing. It'd be best to keep his real dad out of his life. He doesn't want to see him, you can't make him be a father, and since your husband is adopting him, he won't need his biological dad at all.
Tell your son his real dad loves him very much, but he can't be his dad anymore. He's three years old and will probably not understand, but it's better that this gets taken care of now than later in life where it could effect him deeply, he'll be able to see with his own eyes how his dad actually feels about him and it will hurt him. He'll always have questions, just don't say anything bad about the real dad. No matter how much of a jerk he is. Or you could tell him that he just wasn't ready to be a dad to anyone (don't say "to him" because your shild may think it was his fault he was never around) and your husband was so that's why your husband took over and now he is his one and only dad.
It s avery difficult situation. My daughter's biological wants nothing to do with her, either. I can't imagine why, but he hasn't seen her since she was 1 1/2. He left when she was 6 months and just gradually stopped coming around and making contact with her. So he left before she could get a chance to have a feel of who he was to her. she's almost 3 now.. But later on I know she will have questions, and though I can not stand her biological dad, I won't ever say anything negative. And I will never let her think it was her fault. I'm planning on telling her he just wasn't ready to be a dad, but he cared for her and loves her very much. Even though it's basically a lie.. it'd hurt her any other way.
Good luck with this, Kudos to your husband for taking on something your son's real father is not man enough to take on himself! THAT in itself makes him more deserving of the title "dad".
2007-02-09 22:39:09 · answer #1 · answered by Alene 2 · 4⤊ 0⤋
As a father myself I can not even imagine not wanting to see my kids, they are my life , AS FAR as what can you do ,,Nothing much , you can not make him be a father, anyone can be a dad but it takes a real man to be a father, and apparently he is not, He need his *** kicked for turning his back on his child like that, But then again if he is that much of a coward ,maybe the least time ,and influence he has in your child's life the better. Sounds Like your husband is a good man ,and would most definitely be a more positive man figure in your sons life, He will get over his breeder dad in time,as time heals all, and I hope the breeder dad lives in agony for the rest of his life for doing this to your son he will regret it , but by the time he does it will be too late. If he is this way, I would say your husband is the better man for your son, He is willing to step up , Go with that and you ,your son,and your husband will be just fine , even with the ****** out of the picture...Best Of Luck, and God Bless, You have not failed your son if you are doing what is right for your son a better life ,and providing a loving home
2007-02-09 15:34:39 · answer #2 · answered by Insensitively Honest 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I doubt that your 3 year old can differentiate between his biological dad and a adopted dad. If anything - all he is doing is acknowledging a person. You are the one creating this situation - again, since your boy is only 3.
Do the right thing which is so obvious. Real dad wants nothing to do with him so write the guy off. Will you son loose out as a result - absolutely not! Will your son loose out if he sees this guy 45 min every two months - yes. Your hubby will be your son's "dad" and you can tell him about the situation with his biological dad when he is about 12 years old or so.
Come on, do you have any common sense at all.
2007-02-09 15:25:59 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
After the adoption is finalized, cut off any contact with the "real" father. This may sound mean, but once your husband adopts him, he IS the father of that child. When your son asks for his "real" dad, respond by telling him that (your husband) IS his real dad. Your son is still young and can adapt and forget. Besides, it takes more than sperm to make a man a father, and the fact that your husband cares enough to adopt him makes him a darn good dad!!
2007-02-10 01:13:49 · answer #4 · answered by Dee Marie 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
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2016-05-24 20:19:04 · answer #5 · answered by ? 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Next time your son asks to see his "Real" dad point to your husband and tell you son to take a good look. Then explain to your son that a REAL parent is the parent who loves and supports the child unconditionally, who gives the child a home with food and clothing and a warm place to sleep and loving arms to be held in. Then tell him that the other man who doesn't want to see him is his "birth" father, that he supplied the sperm (seed) that created your son and nothing else.
2007-02-09 19:55:51 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
Do not say anything bad about his father to him or he will pin you as the jerk. Instead tell him that he moved away and you do not have the number, or something to that effect. Let him decide for himself what he thinks of his father or he might not like you. I went through a similar situation with a nephew, and when he finally made contact with his father he liked him for about a year until his fathers true self came out and now he won't even claim that his real father even exists.
2007-02-09 15:30:47 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 0⤋
His father is a jerk! forget about him and never talk about him again. Focus on making an intact family for your son and on the relationship with his "real" dad (your husband). Save him pain. He will forget his father. What is most important is for him to have 1 dad who loves him and has a great relationship with him.
2007-02-09 15:47:18 · answer #8 · answered by Jennifer S 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Tell him his real dad loves him very much.Being far away is good.You tell him that.You be the wise one and let them see each other whenever his idiot dad wants to.Maybe he'll come to his senses and make connection with his own flashing blood.Never,ever tell your son the truth.That will hurt his little innocent sole deeply.
2007-02-09 18:01:50 · answer #9 · answered by avavu 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tell him that his dad went to fight in the war or just make up somethin and when he is older tell him the truth. It is not a good idea to have him see someone that doesnt want him in return. I experienced that>
2007-02-09 15:23:50 · answer #10 · answered by Wiliam 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋