I asked for forgiveness but questioning now if I did the right thing?

Question

I fell in love with a man who lied to me and found out in the end he took advantage of me for my money. There is a lot more to this story but it is too long but we were involved for 3 years. He ended up moving thousands of miles away and the last communication I had with him was over 7 months ago where he sent me an email telling me I was "mean-spirited." I have harbored a lot of resentment and bitterness and I need to find peace and I can't. I listened to a speaker last night and he said to the group that people who can't find peace maybe have these feelings because of not making this right. I thought that this would find me peace so I emailed him and asked him to forgive me for any pain I caused during our relationship and how I wanted him to have peace and told him the best of luck. Now I should feel some closure and good feelings so why do I think I shouldn't have? Did I do the right thing in telling him this? Will I get the peace I so desperately need?

Answer 1

It sounds more like you need to forgive him, not the other way around. If he took advantage of you then it is he who is in the wrong, not you. Therefore you are asking for forgivness when it is not needed, instead you have to forgive him for the wrong he has done to you.

And I know from experience that giving forgivness is a lot harder than asking for it. I have been trying to forgive my step-father for the wrong he committed against both my mother and me for several years now and though I am finally reaching a place in my faith where I can finally forgive him, it is still hard. And I have been trying, it is something I confess a lot, the ill will I wish towards him as well as the hatred I feel towards him at times.

I know that it's hard, but you can only ask God to give you the strength to forgive this man, for it is only through Him that you will be able to. We humans alone cannot achieve that--I know from experience--and so my advice to you is to ask God to help you forgive him for the wrong he has done. For the fault falls on him, not on you.

Answer 2

Forgiving is one thing. Sometimes people think forgetting goes along with forgiving. It doesn't. It will probably take a while to forget if you can at all but, if you have willed yourself to just even say that you forgive him then you are on your way. It will just take time so relax and don't worry about it. You don't need to forget it either. Sometimes it is important to remember things like this so it doesn't happen to you again. God is only interested that you try. He knows that it will take a while for deep hurts. There is nothing wrong with no warm fuzzy feeling. Remember your feelings were damaged by him and they need time to heal. Pray the Our Father every day and it will get better.

I wouldn't even worry if you did the right thing about apologizing to him. You know you didn't need to and that's all there is to it. You made a friendly gesture so later on in judgement time what does he have that he can hold over you? Nothing. You are holding every card. He will be in your debt.

Answer 3

What you did isn't a bad thing, but I get the feeling your heart is in the wrong place right now. You are dwelling on the relationship, becuase you didn't get closure from it, and it ended badly. You might be expecting him to ask for forgiveness, and I don't think you should expect that. You need to get past this relationship and move on to better things. Also, you might want to put faith in someone higher than a motivational speaker. Come to God and ask him for forgiveness. God will forgive you for everything and anything you've done, while I doubt that guy even cared that you asked for forgiveness. God cares about you, and he loves you. If you get a chance, find a church, you will find friendship, peace and love if you find the right church and worship God. God bless, and I hope things work out better for you.

Answer 4

I can't remember who it was who said "Resentment is letting someone you hate live rent-free inside your head", but darn, it's a good saying.

The only person who forgiveness should serve is you. Letting go of bitterness opens up room in your heart to seek new experiences and learn to enjoy life again. If someone has wronged you, the fault is theirs -- in my opinion, you owe them nothing.

Getting in touch with someone who has manipulated you in the past is very seldom a good idea. Perhaps the reason you don't have closure and good feelings is because you sense this. I'd advise you not to attempt communicating with him again; it will make letting go that much easier.

I'm not going to give you any religious advice, because I'm pretty sure you don't share my religion, but I do wish you good luck and peace in the future.

Answer 5

You don't feel any closure because you apologized for something that in the the first place you did not feel was wrong. In other words you did not mean it, and only did it because someone told you too. If he used you, wake up! Get over it! Move on! Forget about it. IF you continue to harp on it, it will never close itself!

Answer 6

No, you don't need that man's forgiveness. The best route to closure- and it will still take time- is to pray to God to give you the strength to forgive the man. As for the man himself, you are better off having no contact with him at all. Forgiving him doesn't mean you have to give him the chance to hurt you again.

Answer 7

It is the right thing if it makes you feel better and brings closure for you. You certainly owed that guy nothing but if by doing it it helps you move on in your life than it was right for you. Just don't worry about how he is going to reply. Wash your hands of him and be done with him.

Answer 8

Seeking peace is always the best course, and you've done that. The ball is now in his court. If he never contacts you again, then consider the matter closed and wash your hands of it. If he does, then keep in mind your goal of making/maintaining peace and go from there. Good luck!

Answer 9

Whatever the details may be, the substance is that nothing happens just by chance. Everything has some meaning behind which we may not see or understand.

In the past life if I hurt somebody, that person hurts me in this life.
It is called Karma and Karma Phala, action and reaction.

Atma, that which you are, is separate from the body and is by nature blissful is seeking loving relationship. But reposing that loving propensity in something temporary(another physical body)
will not give one happiness but only frustration. But if the same love is transfered to the eternal spiritual Lord who is the reservoir of all pleasure, then one enjoys everlasting happiness. The Lord can reciprocate in any relationship one wants as a master, friend, son, husband, lover etc... as Lord Krishna Himself says in the Bhagavad-gita(4.11),
"As all surrender unto Me, I reward them accordingly".

Lord Sri Krishna says in the Bhagavad-gita-4.17.
The intricacies of action are very hard to understand. Therefore one should know properly what action is, what forbidden action is, and what inaction is.
PURPORT by A.C.Bhaktivedanta Swami Prabhupada.
If one is serious about liberation from material bondage, one has to understand the distinctions between action, inaction and unauthorized actions. One has to apply oneself to such an analysis of action, reaction and perverted actions because it is a very difficult subject matter. To understand Krishna consciousness and action according to its modes, one has to learn one's relationship with the Supreme; i.e., one who has learned perfectly knows that every living entity is an eternal servitor of the Lord and that consequently one has to act in Krishna consciousness. The entire Bhagavad-gita is directed toward this conclusion. Any other conclusions, against this consciousness and its attendant actions, are vikarmas, or prohibited actions. To understand all this one has to associate with authorities in Krishna consciousness and learn the secret from them; this is as good as learning from the Lord directly. Otherwise, even the most intelligent persons will be bewildered.

Answer 10

The Lord understands how you feel. You have done your part by asking for forgiveness,whether he accepts it or not is his own problem,he will be the one who is wrong if he doesn't forgive you.( By the way,why should he? Isn't he the one who's been mean to you?) Just give yourself time to forgive yourself.