What do I do when my son (15) threathens to kill me?

Question

Hello, My name will be Pat for today. Im 52 years old and my 14 year old son has serious phsycological problems. Since he was young his father used to back him up when i tried to punish him. For the last few years since his father died I have tried the same. My sisters and brothers have tried to warn me but I have finally realized that I am in trouble. Just yesterday he wanted to fight me and actually swung. I used a chair to defend my self. --My son has all kinds of problems. From social to anger etc. I guess he is traumetized from his childhood. I DONT KNOW WHAT TO DO. He thinks he can take on anyone (fight) but he actually cant. He disrispects EVERYONE.

I heard that you can send your sons to some camp ...IDK.....Please Help me.

Yes already tried counseling...didnt work..can anyone help me choose a boot camp or whatever will work best?

Answer 1

WOW!!!!!. I had to answer this. First let me say; that is what happens when parents( and I don't mean you, because I don't know you ), start something and switch up on a child. I will tell everyone when it comes to my children " what is not ok today, is not ok tomorrow" and what that means is, if a small child says to you, shut up mommy; at, lets say; a family gathering (something he would never do to you alone ) and everyone around you laughs. Now it is something you don't allow, but you let it slide because someone else found it to be funny or cute. NO!!!! that right there is what sends a message to the child that mommy won't say or do anything if I am around other people ( or dad ). That is the time when you need to correct him/her right there on the spot infront of whoever!! So they know, mommy still has the upper hand at all times. Nevertheless, your son is older and you do some what have an issue on your hands, so I will give you a few things I have tried. One involve the school, they should have someone that can help you or help you get intouch with the right person or group. Or try finding a prevention intervention program, I once had to take my son to the J.J.C where the had young boys his age locked up ( who really could walk the walk that they talked, not like my son or your son from the way it sounds ) and it slowed him way down!!!. I still had issues with him and that just means that as a mom, YOU CAN NOT GIVE UP!! You keep trying and thinking of ways to get things under control. Now I think it is so sad! that here you have a child you brought into this world!! trying to fight you!! Honey; you can look at it like this, are you going to be afraid of your child? or are you going to take control of your life and your household?. Now you can't beat or mistreat him in anyway!! THAT IS NOT THE ANSWER!!!! But you can be the adult and PUT YOUR FOOT DOWN!!!. He knows what buttons to push ( you have shown him that ). So what you do is, take him to visit that place(JJC) and you let the CO's know ( with out him hearing you if you can ) I want you to scare him to the point he never wants to end up here ( which is what is going to happen if he hurts you or anyone else, and this is not about being nice!! it's about you saving your son from himself ), and as much as it is going to bring tears to your eyes to see them scream, yell and really put the fear in your baby; Mom, let them. Trust me, they don't want to see your son there anymore than you. I am telling you what I know, not what has come out of some book written by someone who went to school to learn what they are telling you about. He does not have phsycological problems ( unless that is what a MD has told you and shown you proof!! ). Don't be so quick to say that about him and make sure he never hears that. So back to what I was getting at, once you try that, ( if it works ) you have now set a boundry that he is not willing to cross because he knows what's on the other side of the grass ( like when he was small before your husband ( God rest his soul ) would step in and allow him to think he did not have to obye you ( or could have his way ) again, I will say; " I know how it is " , I am dealing with it right now with my husband and my three year old ( the youngest of five ) and trust me, since I am the one who is home with him all day everyday!! ( all of the kids ), I let my husband know, I don't tell you how to do your work outside the house, don't tell me how to do mine! We can set down and agree on what to do together, but as fas as, when I say something, like NO and dad coming in saying, yes. Oh!! no, no , no that will not happen! and I tell my husband infront of my son, I told him no and he can't have it or do it, then I look at my son and tell him" the next time mommy tells you know, and you ask daddy; you will go to time out and his time out his for three mins in his room. The reason I think the J.J.C idea will be something to try is because , what this will do is, open up a space for you to now talk to your son and get in his head ( something no Dr or anyone can do any better than you!! your still mama ), listen and relate let him know that you do understand and you want to have a better relationship than the one you have, but, you WILL NOT BE DISRESPECTED EVER!!! Mom, he knows you love him and instead of respecting it, he is playing on it ( from my point of view ) he sounds just like a spoiled little boy who is use to having his way, and yes, it has gone on for way to long, but it is never to late to channel it into something good!. You know your child better than anyone, you stop thinking " I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO" and DO WHAT YOU KNOW TO DO!! because you know! Your are older than some moms now days who are having children ( mean no harm by that! I am 46 with a 3yr old ), what I am saying is, the energy you would have at 26, you could deal with this all day long! You have lost your husband and your dealing with your son, so of course you are tired, but you find it in you to fight for your sons life and your respect. It is so much easier than it sounds. And I have to say this, I do believe in poppin that bottom!!! ( in a firm but loving way ). And once you have reached out to all of the outside help you can, and you have tried all you know, than honey, you tag that behind one good time to the point he knows you mean business!!! and he will think twice before he trys you again ( not that he won't but he will think twice ). One more thing, he if tells you his behavior is because of his father being gone; than ok, go from there, but don't give him that. ( do you understand where I'm coming from? ) because that is all the more reason a mature and loving son, would want to step up and be a little man for his mom not cause her more pain. Remember this, what you do now ( and you only have a good three years left ), will affect your son at a later date. You can do it or the law and the streets will, now which would you prefer?. GOD gave you this job, so he has your back!!!!!. Much love Mom.

Answer 2

if he threatens to kill you - tell him you'll kill him first and by the time the cops show up, u'll have his body burried and all the evidence burned. Seriously - i think some kind of boot camp would be the answer - i'd say a shrink but he' d probaly not take to kindly to that. I'm sure there are programs out there - there was on that was on tv a few yrs ago about a "boot camp" for troubled youth - really good. i'm sorry i dont know the place (usa) er the name - but there are places for this child - he is only a child an must be sent in the right directiuon to beocme a successfull adult. good luck

Answer 3

With him being 14 now, it's going to be even harder to punish him. You spank him, ground him, take things away is just going to make him angrier. He has even threatened to kill you already. What you should have done was do all that disciplining when he was a child. Screw what his dad thought. You could have kicked him out if he wasn't going to act like a father. Now, your son has completely ruled over you. (The People these days).. Your best bet would probably be letting the police deal with them. They're trained for things like that. It won't be so easy for him to pick a fight or kill a police officer. Or send him to boot camp.
It's sad he's like that now, but it's your and your and his father's fault. No child just up and acts like that without getting away with everything all their life. I do wish you good luck though. You'll need it.

Answer 4

I agree w/ the majority of the answers here- I wish I had the courage to have done that w/ my son when he was that age! Instead I kept telling myself he will stop acting like this but guess what? I was wrong- we had a fight one time and he had a knife-like a fool I tried to take it from him and my index finger was cut WIDE open-it cut into the tendon and now today I can not bend that index finger at all! And a few years later he knocked me down and I broke me wrist when I landed-but to a degree he was a BIT justified on that he wouldnot give me my car keys and I kneed him in the groin so DO SOMETHING DO ANYTHING but please don't leave yourself open to more hurt from him or by him!! If he hits you even ONE time then call the police as fast as you can and let THEM take it OUT of your hands!! Good Luck honey-my prayers are with you!!

Answer 5

Send him away or to a mental health place for adolesence. Let him know your not playing. and next time he trys to fight you call the cops. lock your bedroom door too. Im not playing if you let him get over on you like if he starts cryin im sorry DO NOT fall for it cuz untill you put your foot down he won't stop. Im 18 I use to start fights because i was angry with my mom drinking and when my parents sent me away it scared the hell out of me. And i straightend up quick. Maybe your son will do the same. I know if my child was like that i would do it even if it hurts and you dont want to. My parents didn't want to send me to Brentwood even after all the crying and all but they did and i relized it was for my own good and it helps. But that's if your son will accept the help. I hope it helps to see from a person who been through it. I had no right to do what i done and nether does your son. He is probally still grieving over his dad

Answer 6

You state the counseling didn't work...............you need to find a different counselor. You admit he has social and anger problems...only good counseling will help.

Begin by speaking with his school counselor. If money is a problem, there are social agencies in every community which will help for little or no cost.

Also, can you sign him up for Big Brothers? It sounds as if he really needs the guidance of a male role model.

Good luck to you both.

Answer 7

Hi.. sorry to hear that this person that you have brung into this world is acting crazy with you. That must hurt. Well, my brother works with these type of children. You proably have seen him on Muary. What you need to do is first be strong and do not let him know your weakness. Second of all, please call the COPS on him and tell them to remove him from your house and they will send him to bootcamp. He will constantly be hammered everday for what he has put you through. You are getting older and do not need this stress in your life or your home. If you do not take a stand then I am afraid that something terrible is going to happen to you. You need this piece of mind. I wish you the best. Good Luck to you!

Answer 8

You don't answer violence with more violence. If you are truly fearful for him, call the police and have them bring him to a hospital where he can be evaluated by a psychiatrist. He may need some inpatient treatment where a team can monitor him and decide if he is suffering from a rageaholic syndrome or if he is mentally unstable elsewise. Inform the police that you believe he is a threat to himself and to others and they will act accordingly.

Also, you can contact the local hospital where you live and see if they have an emergency rescue team where they will come to your home and take him by force to a hospital where he can be evaluated.

Good luck.

Answer 9

Girl Beat his ass or find some family relatives to do it and send his butt to boot camp... he got you all the way messed up you didnt bring him in this world to mistreat and abuse you mentally, physically, and emotionally.... I mean he needs to learn that just because he has prOblems doesnt mean he mistreat you like that. regardless of What the situaion is... miss I am so sorry that you are going thru this tough time... but do what you have to.. he needs to get his act together and understand that once you pass away then who will he have?? you care about him more than anyone ever will and he needs some type of structure to make him realize that. AND BOOT CAMP WILL GET IT TOGETHER.

Answer 10

you are able to't domicile college him. Your grammar is so atrocious that he will learn no longer something from you. Did you study what you wrote in any respect? sell the motor vehicle and deliver him to militia college till now it incredibly is too previous due. This youngster is getting away with homicide. He desires interest, training and shape. probable something he's lacking at domicile top now. in case you do no longer try this, you would be spending that funds besides, in attorneys' costs and bail. Your decision. BTW, that's illegitimate to domicile college with no want a grasp's degree. Your son would be no longer able to take standardized assessments.

Answer 11

Iwell I can tell you this he is heading to a place he dont want to go .I keep foster kids an they come into my home in all sorts of shapes an sizes an i havent seen one yet that cant learn .i had a boy whom hated his mom but after living here he has since learn to respect her an love her an yet he refers to me as mom have you thought of calling the social services in your area he will possibly come home a much better child .at least he will know you want tolerate his abuse what can it hurt just call social services an let them knmow he is out of control an you need help at this time in your life an also asume that if you have family members they will just think you are awful to do so but yet will any of them consider taking him in if not please by all means call them today