How do you tell a family member that they are terrible parents?

Question

I have a nephew who is married and has three children. Every time we (the family) turn around we learn of yet another ridiculous event or situation their kids (ages 7, 4, 2) have been in. Example: the 4yr old girl running down the street whenever they exit the car, or hitting her Mother and saying "NO", or getting lost in Wal-Mart. I could go on and on with the stories. The 7 yr old boy is a stepchild to my nephew, and he obviously has serious emotional problems too. And the two yr old is starting to act like the older ones. It is so obvious that these two nitwits have no clue on how to parent correctly, but how do you go about telling them? Any advice would be appreciated. p.s. We have talked about Supernanny/Nanny 911

Answer 1

Chances are that the parents wish they were better at parenting, but don't think of it quite that way. Maybe you could go buy a really good parenting book, and give it as a gift, and say that you had heard that there was some really good advice and tips in the book, and that you read it yourself and you are buying it for all your friends and family who have young kids because you think it's a wonderful book. THAT WAY you aren't specifically addressing their shortcomings (in your opinion) and they can't really take offense. They might even read the book and learn a thing or two. Or not.....I guess it depends on if you think they are just poor disciplinarians, or if they are actually dangerous and neglectful of their kids. If the kids are really in harm, then perhaps you need to take some more action. If you just can't stand their parenting ways and it's irritating, then that's different.

Answer 2

It's really hard to bring up parenting issues with other people, because of the many different ways of parenting. It can sometimes come up in general conversation and a point can be made without someone feeling inadequate or angry. I've always said something to the effect of..."Oh, my son used to that all the time until we did (whatever it was that was appropriate). It's obvious that the kids are lacking discipline, but I'd rather hear that instead of that were lacking love and care, or being abused. Something we may not put up with, may not be a big deal to them. But, that doesn't necessarily mean they are bad parents. If they were misbehaving in my home, I would come right out and firmly tell the children ..."We do not hit others in our house." Or whatever misbehavior they are showing. The parents will rarely say anything, and they may get the picture after awhile. Also, the kids will learn that while their behavior is acceptable in their homes, that it isn't the case in others homes.

Answer 3

There would be no way of telling these parents that they are terrible without totally ruining the relationship. There is probably even no roundabout, tactful way to do it. [A few years ago I was at a beach with a lady with three VERY disobedient little boys, and two of them nearly drowned because they were SO naughty; the mom tried to pass it off as boyish irresponsibility but it was DISOBEDIENCE; she asked me my opinion and I said just a couple of tactful, thoughtful things, which she agreed with and thanked me for...then...the next day called me sobbing and said, "You made me feel like a bad parent," and never spoke to me again.] There are not many people any more who have the vaguest idea of how to effectively parent. Many of them were the products of poor parenting themselves. The only way I've found of influencing people is to be around them and they see my kids and EVENTUALLY will ask my advice on parenting matters. People are just so invested in their kids and their parenting skills that they avoid people who 'judge' them.

Answer 4

Don't tell them they are bad parents. Stop talking and start doing. If the children are in danger call child protective services. Spend time with this family and be a good example, help the parents with their problems (helping the children in the process). Super-nanny is a great idea. Also Dr. Phil McGraw is good at fixing problems like this. Good luck.

Answer 5

certain, I actually have. I married a guy who grow to be a widower with 4 children. the in trouble-free terms son grow to be a bi-polar depressive and schizophrenic. lengthy hospitalizations for months at a time , many diverse meds, 12 electric powered wonder remedies, psychiatry, psychological help, human being treatment, crew treatment. more beneficial suicide tries than i can count number. i grow to be genuinely afraid to go away him on my own for a unmarried second because i ought to no longer believe him sufficient to no longer kill himself. He would bypass days and not in any respect sleep than weeks at the same time as he ought to no longer get away from mattress. He had an finished scholarship to school that he threw away because of a psychological ailment. Graduated from severe college correct student and lasted decrease than a three hundred and sixty 5 days in college. staggering newborn yet mentally tortured

Answer 6

wow sounds like typical kids to me. if your that concerned about it, invite the three for a weekend sleepover. let them see how well behaved your children are and how they should behave.
when the weekend is over then have a talk with your nephew and his wife. tell them how wonderful their kids are while they were with yours. also tell them how you don't understand why they cant behave like that with them. i know you wont get a Christmas card this year.

Answer 7

I say mind your own business unless they ask for your advice. Only makes bad feelings among family members.

Answer 8

If you want to fix it, then you have to become involved. Telling them they are bad parents won't help anything. Either get involved or stay out of their business.

Answer 9

you don't say anything. they'll figure it out themselves. they're the ones that must live with it.stay out of it.