I am so irritable with my four children. I am taking cymbalta for depression, and restoril for insomnia.?

Question

I do have high stress levels, but have time to myself during the day. I start to feel irritable as soon as they come home from school. I get impatient and angry over little things. Does anyone out there feel like this? I am seeing a psychiatrist who has tried many different medications, but nothing seems to really get to the root of the problem. I am a stay home mom. I love my kids and have been with them through every phase of their lives. What is wrong with me? My kids are 16, 13, 11, and 9. I do feel a totally different sense of responsibility with them than I did when they were younger. It seems harder now. Help!

Answer 1

Essentially you have three teenagers and a 9 year-old who will be "like" a teenager soon. I raised four children who were fairly close together in age as well. What helped me the most was to have things going on while my children were in school. Some years I took courses at the local junior college, toward my degree, one class at a time. Some years I worked part-time, leaving after the children were in school and coming home prior to their arrival after school. Other years I volunteered with various organizations, including the children's schools.

Having something for yourself that does not include the other family members will give you a mental break. Having a break for yourself will make you happier to see your children after school. It will also make you do less important things (laundry, etc.) in less time and more effectively, timewise.

Are you involved in talk therapy in addition to your medication? I believe that either one-on-one talk therapy or group therapy is extremely important when addressing depression. Also, maybe try taking an exercise class to get those good chemicals flowing. Even yoga or a 20-minute walk is really good for your mind.

As kids get older, the level of worries for parents rises. That said, you might want to get involved in a teen parenting group. Sometimes these groups have activities for younger children while you are involved in the group.

I always say, "bigger kids, bigger worries". This doesn't change when they leave for college or get married. Once a parent, always a parent. Getting yourself in a good place physically and emotionally will prepare you for those later teen years -- and give you peace.

Hang in there. You will get through it -- and it is worth it.

Answer 2

Oh Cathy, was I ever glad to see your question! I have 12 year old twin girls and have been a stay at home mom all their life and have struggled with depression and stress/anxiety with them. I too have time to myself a lot during the day but as soon as they hit the door, my stress level goes way up!! They are older now but the stress seems to be worse. There is a lot of bickering and not doing what they are told. It drives me crazy! I started taking Zoloft several years ago and Zanax to help me sleep. If it wasn't for that I think I would beat the sh*t out of them. On the other hand, I think if I didn't start taking the Zoloft, I wouldn't be so easy going on them and they would definitely mind better. I know the root of the problem lies with myself for not being the superior and sticking with my discipline with them but I hate conflict! I hear the teenage years are very stressful and I am starting to believe it! Just hang in there and just know that I feel exactly the way you do so don't feel guilty. I ball up in a knot of nerves as soon as they hit the door! I always say, "If I didn't love them so much, I'd kill them!" Good-luck with your 3 teenagers!

Answer 3

First of all, and most importantly, I hope you seriously discuss with your husband getting a vasectomy very soon. Four children is enough and obviously is one of the main causes for your distress.

Second, medication is not the answer, get away from that quack and go to a good counselor who will do talk therapy to find out how to work through how you feel, not medicate it. Medications do not get to the "root" of any problem. They just cover it up. Do you know many medications cause problems too?

Third, what does you husband do when he comes home? Is he active in cleaning house, managing these kids, etc.? If not, get busy letting him know he has to pull his weight in the house, beginning right now.

You need to rebuild the relationship with your children eventually, once you get yourself on a better track. Do it now, find a good counselor who will do talk therapy and discuss how you feel inside. Journal, write about how you feel, whatever it is, just write. Take that to the counseling sessions too. Spend time thinking about what ticks you off, where and when did it start? Really be honest with yourself. I think I can pin point it. I think it isn't really the kids, it's your relationship (or lack of) with your husband is the real issue. It usually is in many cases when women are unhappy. Take care.

Answer 4

If you need help raising children you would be best advised to use your favorite church. They are well equipped for this. You seem to be an honest person . Save your money from the doctors and find other mothers who like you get depressed too. Use group therapy to learn more about life. Maybe it would be better for the father or grandparents to raise them at this time. Be wise for the kids

Answer 5

I don't know if I can help but I can sympathize. I love my kids w/ all my heart but they irritate me too when they get home.Makes me feel guilty, and there is usually something else going on that contributes to my impatience. Maybe you should see a different psychiatrist? and sometimes it can take many different medications and dosages until you find one that works.

Answer 6

well, i'm not a parent, but i know just from being someone's son that things get more difficult the older the kids get.

i, too, have been siffering from extreme irritablity lately with everyone. my fiance, family, friends....and i think it is due to my depression as well. you are feeling an extremely common symptom of depression. i know what you're going through to some extent. i get upset over stupid things with my fiance, we argue, then go to bed. i wake up and feel AWFUL about it. i mean, i'm not abusive, i'm not mean, i'm prolly just more frustrating and rude. but i always feel in the morning an extreme regret over it.

i dont know how to fix it, though. i'm trying to figure it out myself. my medicine helps me. now, if u take ur meds at night (which u prolly do) be4 u go to bed, wht might be happenin is the meds for depression are wearing out around 3 pm. i'm not a doctor, and never plan on being one, but my doctor said tht this might be happenin to me, and recommended an increase in my antidepressant to make it last longer. talk to your doctor about it, it's at least an idea.

one thing i'm trying is religion. i am NOT religions, and never have been. but one of the feelings i get is one of hopelessness. so maybe religion will give me a feeling of importance.

there's so many things you can try in your own behavior. behavior modification along with medication is the best way to manage depression in my opinion.

Answer 7

Are you projecting your anger about something else onto your kids? Maybe your dissatisfaction with being a stay-at-home mom or problems with your husband? I also second the opinion that you should see another doctor. Maybe a different combination of meds could help you.

Answer 8

four kids would drine any one up the wall i/ve delt with depression for years and i know how hard it is just to deal with every day life the kids really dont under stand what you have to go through i know its hard but try to be patient with the kids and tell the kids to be more understanding to your feelings there is only one of you and the older kids need to take on some responsibility to help you out good luck

Answer 9

think about it...... you have 2 teenages and 2 pre teens....thats the cause! i have 2 teens( one 15 and one 13) and i feel the same way...and i am on med for ocd that help me tremendously. but...as soon as they are around....i get so tense! i hate to think what it would be like without meds!
its a horrible thing to admit....but at least we are being honest, and we can see that arent alone.

i will tell you a couple things that help....number one...loud noise makes me very anxious and irritable...and ive told my kids this. if they are being to loud...i pull rank on them and make them turn it down. secondly, make sure they go to bed at a decent time...so before you sleep...there is peace and quiet in the house. lastly, i take a hot bath EVERY nite...i absolutely cannot sleep if i dont.

all the best...hang in there sister!

Answer 10

Maybe you should see another psychiatrist for a second opinion.