he is some what controling and likes to break stuff but not abusive. He is nice and we enjoy lots of the same tings but i think he is a jeasoly, controling and he has a promblem with most of my friends. please help me
2007-02-09 13:31:50 · 37 answers · asked by higherrush 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
DO NOT marry this guy! Marrying him will not change him, and things will only get WORSE, and never BETTER! That "jealousy" and "control" will eventually lead him to "forbid" you to see these friends with whom he has problems; it may even lead him to forbid you to see your family, or ANYONE ELSE whom he feels is a threat to his control over you!
Listen to that little voice that is hodling you back right now! That little voice is right! GET OUT NOW WHILE YOU CAN!!! You deserve better, and you will FIND better!
2007-02-09 13:34:24 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 4⤊ 0⤋
Calling up my standard response to any "Should I Marry Him/Her
question:
If you have to even ASK, then NO. When a person is the right one, you won't question it.
After the standard response:
Been there, done that, wrote the soundtrack. He is abusive. It doesn't matter if you have things in common. We have a lot of things in common with murderers and theives, but that doesn't make their behavior OK. Run as fast as you can before you fall into the trap of marriage to an abuser. You can definitely live without the emotional abuse and what will lead to physical abuse as well. Just wait until he starts in on the kids and you have to leave in the night with a suitcase, the keys to the car, and a baby tucked up in your arms...... think hard, my friend....
2007-02-11 20:18:01 · answer #2 · answered by luvmytbear 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would not get a hurry to marry this guy. trust me it only gets worse after you do. my husband has a temper and this get really ugly. I wanted to wait 3 years before I married him, but he was persistent, I wish now I would have waited. maybe you two can live together for a while and see how things go? a persons true colors come out when you are with them for a while. if you try living together first you are still making a commitment, but not taking the entire plunge. also if there are kids involved it will only complicate things further. its very hard for blended families to live together. maybe even the thought of getting some family counseling together first? if he objects, then I definitely would NOT marry this guy. it takes total commitment and sacrifice on BOTH sides to make a marriage work.
hope this helps and good luck to you.
2007-02-09 13:40:03 · answer #3 · answered by babydoll 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you are at all unsure then you should not go through with it. "Controlling and likes to break stuff" is halfway down the path to "physically abusive". If he's trying to isolate you from your friends, that's another bad sign. It's a lot harder to get divorced than to not get married in the first place. Tell him you're feeling unsure and want to postpone things - his reaction will tell you a lot about him and whether or not he respects your feelings or just seeks to control you.
2007-02-09 13:37:03 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
OK look it is a well known fact that people change after they get married. I don't know if it is that they feel comfortable that they can let you see the real them or what.
If you are already picking up that he has control issues and jealousy issues you really shouldn't marry him.
If you do then make sure you seek premarital counseling. he wont know the difference a lot of ministers require this.
2007-02-09 13:39:28 · answer #5 · answered by angie 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Please do not marry this man. He obviously has emotional and/or mental problems. I was in a 12 year relationship with a man like this. It turned me into a zombie. It took several years of therapy and healthy relationships with friends to find myself again after I finally found the courage to escape. Not only should you not marry him, you should sever all ties with him as soon as possible. It may give you a slight heartache, but it will be worth it in the long run.
2007-02-10 03:02:52 · answer #6 · answered by sajashe 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Please do not marry him. I know what I am saying. I had the same situation years ago. He liked my family fine but would make little remarks about them. He did not like most of my friends. He had a habit of throwing things when he was mad..not at me or anyone he just threw things and would later say he was sorry that he got so mad but he just loved me so much that it made him crazy. He said things would be better once we were married because then he would not be so afraid of losing me. Well I did marry him and then he began to tell me he did not want me to be with certain friends because they were tramps to put it nicely. Then he began to find fault with my family and tried to make me choose between him and them. So I did. I told him I would not give up my family. He said I belonged to him as he had bought and paid for me when he bought the marriage license. By this time he had me thinking I was nothing. I finally got the courage to leave and I never looked back. He tried to cause a lot of trouble for me but I guess after all I had been through with him it just made me stronger. He found that I wasn't as weak as he thought. I am much happier now.
2007-02-09 13:51:37 · answer #7 · answered by babysnake2007 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋
I just broke up with my boyfriend of 3 years because of the same reasons. I knew he would never hurt me but he would get so angry sometimes I was scared of what he would do. He never let me go out with my friends. He would keep track of me where and when I was doing something and when I didnt check in he got pissed. He was very controling. He would call me crying aobut his probs all the time.
From what you discribe its about the same thing that I went through The only reason I stayed with my bf so long was I was afraid to be alone and I hoped he would change. Also that I didnt think there was anyother guy out there that would love me like he did. If any of those sound like you then your in luck!! I can def. say that he has a depression prob. (Depression never goes away) Do not stay with a guy like this. Life is about taking chances and finding out what is wrong...and girl this guy is wrong! Break up with him. Im telling you there is realy guys in this wourld that will treat you with respect and like a princess. I found one!! This type of relationship will only get you stressed out. Its like mental abuse. Move on hun! Its not worth it. Like Nike says "Just do it"
2007-02-09 13:46:46 · answer #8 · answered by Crossed Palms 4 · 1⤊ 1⤋
no because some of the signs that he displays now are just going to escalate into abusive behavior. you need someone that is loving and compassionate not someone that is controlling and has anger issues. dont worry you will find the right guy soon enough but i can tell you this guy isnt the ONE
2007-02-09 13:41:19 · answer #9 · answered by queenz_killarep 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If you have to ask that question, the answer is 'Absolutely not.' Marriage is something you should be 1000000% sure of, and it is not something for which you should be asking the opinions of strangers on the internet. If there is even a little bit of doubt in your mind, and the fact that you had to ask this question leads me to believe there is a more than a little bit of doubt, then NO.
2007-02-09 13:37:17 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋