I just found out my mom has 2 yrs to live how should I spend this time with her?

Question

I was thinking about getting a camcorder and taping her and my dad a lot so it can help me remember her and also i want my kids to be able to see her and know her. I am 21 and I am with the guy I will be marrying when i am done with school -- the hardest part is knowing my mom won't be there for my wedding and when i have kids...I actually told my BF that if my mom can't be there I don't want a wedding...I don't know what to do -- or the best way to spend to time I have left with her...any advice or personal experience would be great -- my mom and i are very close and i am the only child...

thanks!

Answer 1

the camcorder idea is a wonderful idea, and would be something you and your family would definitely cherish. I will say this though, doctors arent always right about those sort of timelines. My aunt was told she only had 5 years and she has passed that by about 4 now. I think that as long as you spend some good quality time with her and dont take her for granted you will have wonderful memories of her and she will have had a full and happy life. As for the wedding thing, i think that she would want you to still have a wedding and i am sure if she isnt there physically she will still be there no matter what. I lost my dad suddenly in a car accident 3 years ago and i know i will be gettin married in the next few years ( with the right guy finally) and thinking about him not being there is tough, but i plan on doing something to remember him on my wedding day, maybe you could do the same, like leave a rose out on a seat for her if she isnt there. anyways my thoughts are with you and your family. take care , and definitely make videos, you will be happy you did!

Answer 2

God be with you all, my prayers are with you. Start by asking your mom, what she wants to do. Then tell her you would like to make a cook book, of all the good things she made for you and Dad. If you marry this will be something you will use always. If she is up to it, let her do the cooking with you and tape her doing it. Make this time special, do things that she always wanted to do, and make them your memories/ . I don't think your Mom, would not want you to have a wedding, She will be watching you no matter where she is. and I'm sure she would want that for you. Communication is very important at this time, as so many people, are afraid to talk about death, Know what she wants, and what is her wishes is very important. Just love her.Be strong and God will watch over you.

Answer 3

You don't explain why your mother has only two years to live, nor do you mention a father. A camcorder would be nice in this case, so would a diary. In fact, it would be great if both of you kept a diary. As far as not having a wedding is concerned, is this what your mother would want for you? Everyone grieves in his/her own way and knowing that your mother has limited time to live would cause you to begin the grieving process. It may sound trite but you need to make the best by preserving the best times. This may be a good time to dig out those old family pictures and mementos and start your scrapbook. What a great way to preserve your mother's memory for your children and grandchildren. Good luck. Now is a good time to ask for God's help. By the way, I am in the same position as your mother and I am grateful for what time I have left so I can cement my relationships and ease my children's grief.

Answer 4

I'm so sorry to hear about your mom. The camcorder idea sounds great & will comfort your dad & you after your mom has passed. Let me be very candid. Your mom would want you to have a wedding, because she wants you to be happy. It's not fair to make that decision & cheat your b/f out of a beautiful wedding, as well as cheating your dad out of the honor of walking you down the aisle. Your mother will not be with you on your wedding day physically but spiritually, she'll be there on that day & everyday. You could do something special on your wedding day, in memory of your mom. ( flowers on the altar for example) When you have children someday, keep your mom's memory alive & talk about your mom often to your children & keep pictures out where your children can see them. As for now, do things with your mom that you've done with ther in the past. (shopping, lunch, just sitting at home & talking, going to movies, talking on the phone, helping her around the house, getting your nails done, etc. If she likes flowers, take her some flowers now & then. (her favorites) Don't forget that your b/f is there for you & you can include him when it's possible, when spending time with your mom once in a while. Don't shut him out of your life. Share your thoughts & feelings with him where your mom's illness is concerned. Don't dwell on your mom's illness when you're with her. Try to be happy around her & smile. She knows how you feel deep down, believe me.

Answer 5

I am not sure why you say your mom has only two years to live. I can only tell you that I have a good friend that was told he had only 6 months to live everytime he went to see his doctor from the time he was about 5 until now. He is almost 30. Find out all that you can about what is wrong and help her to do all she can to live as healthy as possible. Most important of all PRAY. Get everyone you know to pray for her and put her on every prayer list that you can. Also, pray for peace and understanding in your own life.

Answer 6

My Dad was diagnosed with terminal cancer and given a year, he lived about a year and a half. I wanted to look back and be sure that I had no regrets, and I lived out of town, a four hour drive. I spent as much time as I could, visiting. I spent a lot of time and engergy looking up medical info and going to doctor visits. I had my own family, and my hubby had to tow the line a time or two so that I could spend time with my Dad. There is no right answer for you, do what feels good and don't spend a lot of time worrying if you are doing it right. I tried very hard not to let my Dad see how torn up I was, I tried to be positive and upbeat with him, and I kept my sorrow to myself. I cried a lot before he died, and there were moments where it was very hard to control myself. I am so sorry for you, but you just do your best and don't spend a lot of time worrying if you are doing it right. I can tell by your words that you are a kind, loving, devoted daughter, and your Mom must be very proud of you.

Answer 7

You and your family are in my prayers.3 years ago my mom was told she had cancer in her lungs.She decided that she did not want treatment.She didn't want her small gradnchildren to remember her being sick.Shortly after I went to her and asked her if thier was anything she wanted to do before she died(she was my best friend).She wanted to go to California to see her Godchild get married,and asked if we could have a party for her(she never had a birthday party ever).I went to my family members and between all of us we made arrangements to do these things for her.We spent the next few months gettin ready for her party and her trip.1 month before she was to go see her neice get married she took a turn for the worse her Dr. wouldn't let her fly or go that far(live in Pa) and to make matters worse the party had to be canclled to.She was so hurt.I took matters into my own hands I told her that no matter what I would do my best to have her party at home so that everyone could be thier with her.The night of her party was so special to her I will never forget the smile that was on her face all night.I guess what I am saying is spend your time with her doing all the things she wants to do.She wouldn't want you not to get married.I think if you asked her she would say the same.You could make her a big part of your special day even tho you know thier is a chance she won't be there.Take every day to tell her how you feel.I know it is hard and if you need to talk feel free to email me.I miss my Mom,but I know that I made her proud and she knew how much I loved her.

Answer 8

Spend as much time as you can, talk with your mother, relive some of "her" memories and yes record everything you can, so that you can relive the memories with your family. I will keep your Mom and your Family in prayer and know that the doctors can only predict and that only God knows when it will end. I learned many years ago when a dear, dear friend was diagnosed with HIV to live each day as if it were your last, and that is what we did until he was called Home. So I pray that you and your family find solace and peace in the time you have, every moment is so special and should be treated as such. Cry, laugh, live and when the time comes, grieve, but don't grieve until you have to. God Bless.

Answer 9

There's the answer, with her. I do like the idea of the camcorder as well. Ask her plenty of questions about her life. Ask her to make a private video for you, with all her marritial (sorry for my spelling) advice, that you can play on the week of your wedding, so that she can be there is some way. Don't view the video beforehand. We all suffer loss in our life. I lost my father at 14. And my mother many years later. They are with me as long as I remember them.

Answer 10

to start with- no one can say how long a person will live. the dr. is giving an approximate, factoring in her illness and stats. as hard as it may seem, try to forget the time limit. it means nothing really. it will drive you crazy. the camcorder is a good idea but try not to over do it.
talk to her about it. she probably wants to know how you're feeling.a good thing to would be to tape her telling you stories of her childhood or how she met your dad, how her pregnancy was with you,or favorite stories of you growing up. another thing is to tape her reading story books as if she were reading to your future children. whatever you decide to do, ask her first. get her feelings about it. enjoy your time together as you normally would.
god bless
edit- reddevil remided me of something. there is no right way to do this.follow your heart and you'll do okay.