What is pshycologically wrong with my husband?

Question

He is unmotivated, in general. He hates his job, wants to go to college, but he doesn't know what for (his mom even offered to pay for all of it!), wants to better himself...but he just physically cannot make himself do it. He said he thinks about it 24/7, but just has no motivation and doesn't know why. I asked him if he's depressed and he said no. We're in our early 30's and I just don't know how much longer I can deal with him. What's wrong with him? I don't know how to help him anymore than I have by simply encouraging him.

Answer 1

If he isnt lazy, he is just frustrated with life because he doesnt know what he wants to do with himself or feels it's hard to measure up to people expectations. SOMETIMES A PERSON FEELS LIKE A FAILURE BEFORE THEY EVEN TRY. Men need meaningful purposes to feel good about themselves in the work world more than women. See if you can talk him into seeing a counselor, preferrable a man, since he needs someone who can relate to his mind. If he wont do that try buying a good book on motivation and see if that will give you good advice HOW to encourage him to get on with life. If all else fails, there is a great book by Dr. Tony Evans called, "NO MORE EXCUSES", that your husband should read. Dr. Evans tells it like it is to men who wants to just waste their lives doing nothing. You will enjoy reading it, too. I hope thing s work out for you all soon. Please hang in there and lift him up in prayer because that will help you and him.



God's Speed!

Answer 2

I think he is depressed. He won't say yes he is because he may not know himself. I was like this years ago and got put on an antidepressant for 6 months and it made a world of difference.
He may also have a hormonal problem. Even though it isn't very common in men, they can suffer from Thyroid deficiencies as well. And some of the symptoms include, confusion, lethargy, indifference and just not feeling yourself. Best thing is a simple blood test can diagnose it and then a tiny Thyroid hormone pill taken once a day can bring his levels back to normal...
Talk to a Dr. about both of these.....Wishing you and your husband the best!!

Answer 3

It sounds like he is definitely depressed. Sometimes people don't realize that they are depressed. Make an appointment to see your family physician. From there, he/she can assess the symptoms and make a referal if need be.

Does he have any other problems/symptoms? Does he have insomnia or interrupted sleep? Is he eating well? How is his mood most of the time? The physician should do a complete blood count, check the glucose levels, and do a thyroid stimulaing hormone check also.

Don't give up! There's no shame in getting help. Depression left untreated can do a lot of damage.

Answer 4

He has to find something that is his passion.

You mentioned yourself and your mother-in-law, two females. Who are the males in his life? (Father, brother, male cousin, close male friends?) Has he ever talked this over with them?

There may be something else wrong that he is not mentioning to you. Can you afford a counselor for him? A few sessions with a counselor might help him tremendously.

I would say just continue to encourage him. If he has even the slightest above-average interest in something, even a hobby, something outside of his work, heap the praise on him.

You mentioned work. What does he do for exercise or entertainment? Has he given up something that perhaps he should take up again?

Answer 5

It sounds like he is in a "rut". Simply that he says he hates his job but is really comfortable with just getting by. Also he sounds scared with going back to school most people his age are. Mid 30's are young for the whole mid life crisis thing but that may be possible. Most guys do have them. The best way to help him is don't play into his unmotivated mood. You can't force him to go back to school but you can persuade him by giving him the facts. Your getting unhappy with him and bored with him. If that dosn't wake him up i don't know what would.

Answer 6

It still sounds like it could be depression. Some people with depression don't necessarily feel depressed the way you would think. Suggest to him that he be evaluated.

Also try getting a fall course schedule from a local college. Show it to him, and have him look at it, to see if there's anything in there that might interest him. Maybe once he sees it, it'll seem more appealing.

Answer 7

It sure sounds like depression to me. Have him get a complete physical check up by his regular Dr. to rule out and physical problems (they should do bloodwork too). If all is well, there are effective antidepressants for him. Give him positive support, but if you feel he's pulling you down in a rut with him, then some counselling would be a good idea for he both of you. Good Luck!

Answer 8

Those still sound like classic signs of depression. People suffering from depression often don't realize that's what it is, because many people may associate suicidal thoughts with it. If they're not suicidal, they think they must not be depressed. I would suggest getting him to see a counselor; not a psychologist or therapist, but a counselor who could help him to sort out what he wants to be doing. It seems like a lot of his feelings stem from self doubt or a lack of self worth because he's no where he wants to be in life.

Perhaps marriage counseling wouldn't be a bad idea either, because his feelings are negatively impacting your relationship.

Answer 9

It could be depression and males, especially are loathe to admit such things.

have you discussed doing a course you both would like to do (maybe a night course or even a weekend workshop) to see if he likes studying.

It maybe he remembers days of school being free, little responsibility etc ... brought on by his dislike for his current job... can he try out for another job?

the lack of motivation to actually commence the college stuff maybe a fear of failure, a lack of self esteem. I suggest he starts reading some books at home including self-help, subjects that may interest him ... get used to learning things and he may not feel so fearful of attending college again.

you may even like to try taking up a hobby that you both can participate in ... all this depends on your life and your current commitments :)

Answer 10

He may be lazy. Or he could be depressed and not realize it. Why doesn't he have a physical exam to make sure there is nothing physically wrong. If he is ok physically then give him a motivation with the fact that you may not put up with his wishy washy attitude much longer.