bad relationship with mother in law, husband wants her to watch kids at our house.?

Question

don't trust her she doesn't like me. husband wants her to watch kids over here with 13 yeard old sister. should i let her? kids are 2 and 5 months. she's not involved with kids at all.

he wants them to babysit while we go on a date

Answer 1

If you don't trust her than no I would not leave my kids with her. Has she done something to make you not trust her? Is she a decent person but there is just bad feelings between you two? If she is not involved with your children than why would she want to watch them? However, you and your mother in law need to settle your differences and try to get along. If you can't than you need to explain to your husband that you are not comfortable around his mother and prefer that she no watch the children. Good luck I think you will need it because most of the time sons are "funny" as far as their mothers go......

Answer 2

Ok, this is a tricky one but I am going to give it a shot. There is nothing wrong with you wanting to get closer with your Mother in law. However the fact that you offered to be somebody for her to talk about your husband's ex too is very strange and probably sounded like you may possibly have an ulterior motive. Also, your offer to be somebody that she can talk about the ex to is a bit weird. Which is another reason why it could look like you have an ulterior motive to her. Pretty much you should have left it you would really like to have a stronger relationship with her and should have focused the letter on that. Instead of offering to be somebody she can talk to about the ex. That is just my take on it. Also, some people can be more sensetive than others and I think that both you and her fall into that catagory. Her more so though. So, you both have things to work on.

Answer 3

They are your children as well. You have to do what you think is best for the children and your family as a whole. If it is going to cause problems between you and your husband a free (?) babysitter may not be worth it.
Perhaps some family counseling may be in order - if she will go with you it may help to either resolve the issue or bring the problems out into the open so your husband can understand why it is that you do not get along, nor trust her.

Someone mentioned a spy camera - I did not think of that- you can get a Nanny Cam and set it up to see what she's up to if hubby insists, then you would have the proof for your suspicions. Wouldn't that be something?
You are in a tough situation. Good luck.

Answer 4

Wow... you and your mother in law really NEED to get your relationship together. You need to talk, you need to respect eachother and eachothers boundries and your husband needs to support the relationship AND support YOU.

It's really BEST for the children to have a relationship with their grandparents if she's a loving and nuturing grandparent who wants the same. If she's not by her own choice and the three of you can work things out than I suggest that you hire someone or you find a trusted childcare provider for your children.

Thirteen is too young to be responsible for a 2 year old and 5 month old alone.

Answer 5

my mother in law is the same way. she can't take care of herself. I had to tell my husband that I didn't think it was in the best interest for the kids. he didn't like it, but hunny you have mama instinct now and that's more powerful that supersonic radar. that love will make you do things you didn't know you could. Tell your hubby how you feel. Especially if she's not involved. Tell her how you feel. Let her know that you want to trust her, but it's not happening. At least, not until she proves you wrong and she is a decent person that wants to be involved with her own flesh and blood

Answer 6

Well once upon a time she was involved with kids if she raised your husband right. I disagreed with my MIL ever since she gave soda to my then 1 yr old and believe she is very old school and harsh. However she is Grandma and having a relationship with her grandchildren is very important. Unless you feel like your kids would be in danger, which probably won't be the case, I think you should think about allowing her to baysit.

Answer 7

set up a spy camara. Invest in one..it may pay off.

Also, why do you have to have a sitter? Do you have to work or something? Maybe it's not worth it right now.

Just keep holding off and finding excuses for her not to watch them.

Trust your gut, If you don't feel comfortable with her watching them, don't let her.

Plus, when you are out, you can rest assure she will be searching through your stuff and the 13 year old will be stealing your things.

Answer 8

Ugh I feel the same way, my mom is so different with our son then my mother-in-law, she once went behind my back and gave him sugar water to make him poop, no big deal I know except for the fact that I had told her NO!! I got over it and realized somehow her three sons are still around and that my son is so precious to her, although I don't like everything she does I know she wouldn't let anything happen to him. If your that uncomfortable try to tell your hubby its real feelings, not that you just don't like her oh and GOOD LUCK!! LOL

Answer 9

I am a single mother and know what its like to worry about daycare. If she is not already involved with the children then chances are she isn't going to be the best choice for your caregiver. She would need to have a great connection with them in order for the children of that age to be able to except her. I know I do daycare myself and it is hard when you don't have any form of a connection with the children. Best of luck though. It's hard when it's your mother inlaw.

Answer 10

If you don't trust her with your children, then as far as I'm concerned, there is nothing to think about. Find someone else to watch the kids while you go out (someone you do trust).